Brain Reading Camera

This product was created by the Neurowear, the same company that brought us Necomimi (brain controlled cat ears) and a brain controlled tail. You should probably watch a bit of those if you haven't. This product requires that you wear your i-phone on your head (I'm already loving it), reads your brainwaves, and records things it thinks you enjoy. Later you can look at what you enjoyed. It would really help me, like, "Oh, I really liked looking at the floor while drinking whiskey. I'll have to try that again. I would have never remembered that." The product ranks how much you like things from 0 to 100 and records things that score above 60. If you actually watch the video, you can see that the meter is constantly flying all over the place. It will hit 61 and be in the 30s in less than 2 seconds. It's as if this machine doesn't really work, or perhaps that woman was flooded with conflicting emotions when she saw that picture of fireworks.

Pumpkin Pudding Kit Kat Review

Japanese Food Review #70

 In honor of Hallow's Eve, this week The Gaybot Times is holding a "Pumpkin Flavored Treat Spooky Fun Challenge." Just like in the potato challenge, there are only two entrants. Nestle created the first entrant. Kit Kat is celebrating this most holy of holidaze by creating a flavor that symbolizes a treat we all know and love: green jack-o-lantern filled with pumpkin pudding that magically doesn't ooze out of the eyes and mouth. I would normally call that a squash, but I guess Japan follows Australian English in this instance and green things are also pumpkins. Like most flavored Kit Kats, it's made with flavored white chocolate. It was very sweet, I'd say creamy (puddingy?), and had a bit of a squash taste to it.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  It was interesting, but in the end it was too sweet, and it's difficult to say if it tasted like pumpkin pudding since I don't know what that is.
Girlbot: 3  She said it smelled like a pumpkin, but it tasted like plain white chocolate. I vehemently disagree.
Overall: 4

Will the other snack also not be very good. Check back soon for the exciting conclusion!
 

Wait... Don't Publicaly Urinate?

This classy sign is on the wall of a Yoshinoya parking lot. It reads, "Standing and urinating is prohibited." First off, I guess I've been urinating all wrong. Apparently I'm supposed to put my arms on my back, and there's no reason I shouldn't smile. Also, I have no idea why they want us to crouch while urinating on this wall. Despite this, I call on all good citizens to make handmade signs instructing us on the dos and don'ts of the urination process.

Trick or Loft

Every year the department store Loft makes a Halloween theme song. This one is amazing. Dare I say it's better than the 2011 song? This has got to be played at every Halloween party this year.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Mottai-Nightland

You may remember a bit of this song from the AU commercial it was featured in. It combines the Japanese term "mottainai" (meaning "what a waste") with the extremely common English phrase "Nightland." So that pretty much explains why Kyary transforms into a dog and craps strawberry ice cream. Other than that, this is pretty much a rip off of Super Mario Bros. 2.

As usual, her lyrics are gibberish. The chorus is basically:
Because it's a waste, because it's a waste, 
I think of my dreams and cry.
Because it's a waste, because there's not enough,
I do mean things.

It's amazing how much those lyrics and the video perfectly capture the "nightland" in my head. Again, I should probably mention that I'm suicidal.
 

Hamsters

I guess the old saying, "Japanese hamsters are totally insane," really is true.

My Husband's Girlfriend

Everyone knows that American television is stale and old. Well thank gosh for the creative minds of the Japanese. This new drama is coming out tomorrow looks wonderful. It's called 夫のカノジョ (otto no kanojo) or Husband's Girlfriend. It's about a 39-year-old housewife who mistakenly thinks her husband is having an affair with a 20-year-old at his office. Already sounds super interesting, right? But then, through a magical twist, the wife and young woman switch bodies! Where do they come up with this stuff!? It's pretty much every male's fantasy of a woman who has your wife's body but the mind of a random 20-year-old girl (way easier to beat at strip poker, etc.). You can see on the poster above that the dad is really upset, but also excited at the prospect of a very unusual Ménage à trois. The little boy in the corner is saying, "Which one's mama?" And the wife is doing the cartoon version of girl angry which is very common on Japanese television.

Heparize W Hyper

I think this is a product for all those business men who gave up their dream of being a gay actor on Broadway. It's a drink that you should have after consuming a large amount of alcohol. You know, one of those drinks with turmeric and liver extract. In Japan, there's usually a large selection of these at any convenience store. I know they're supposed to help you avoid getting a hangover. I'm guessing this one is also supposed to help your liver (that's why there's a cute liver on the bottle maybe).

They're singing about how they're going home, and then the people inside ask them if they have Heparize. Then they drink it and that guy makes an awesome sound. The end.

Country Ma'am Yaki Imo Review

Japanese Food Review #69

First off, yes, it's hilarious that this is the 69th review. Secondly, we're all super excited about the conclusion of "Potato Dessert Challenge Week." I'm sure you remember that Haagen-Daz Murasaki Imo received an outstanding 8.5 overall rating. How will Country Ma'am's entrant fare? You'll have to look a couple of inches below to find out! It's no secret that I enjoy a good Country Ma'am cookie. This is one of their autumn limited edition flavors. Yaki imo literally means "cooked potato," but actually they're baked sweet potatoes. Again, the cookies really did taste like sweet potatoes. The package has instructions for heating the cookies in the microwave or toaster oven. I ignored this and ate them at room temperature. I apologize if this unfairly affected the results.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7.5  They were quite good, but they didn't feel as unique as the ice cream.
Girlbot: 6  She says they were good but not great. She also said eating them made here think, "Fall has arrived."
Overall: 6.75

A  valiant effort by Country Ma'am, but in the end, Haagen-Daz was just too much for Japanese cookie makers.

Pocket Album

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I find that's true especially when the words are gibberish pouring out of a madman.

Haagen-Dazs Murasaki Imo Review

Japanese Food Review #68

There's been a lot of buzz about how it's "Potato Dessert Challenge Week." I regret to inform you that there were only two entries this year, but I assure you that they are both strong competitors. First up is this murasaki imo ice cream. Murasaki means purple. Imo means potato. It's just a type of purple sweet potato. The ice cream really did taste like murasaki imo. Of course it was sweeter and creamier than the real potato. It was quite good, and I've always said we don't put enough purple things inside our body.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 8 I wouldn't give it such a high rating if it were around all the time, but it was a unique treat that you should try if you have the chance.
Girlbot: 9 She punished it for being too expensive (more than twice as expensive as normal ice cream), but on taste alone, she would have given it a 10.
Overall: 8.5

 This is going to be tough to beat. What will happen next!

Wally Cook

I find it's best to always keep the customer wondering whether the name of your creation cuisine restaurant is "Wally Cook" or "Wally Cock."

Life in the Future

Check out this link. It's an artist's concept of life in the future. It was made in 1969 and is predicting what the world would be like in 1989. The drawing is called "Computer Life." I mean, they got the clothes right, and they also got the fact that we'll all be Caucasian right, but they made a few mistakes. We don't have hovercrafts, or kitchen robots, or specialized family finances computers. I guess now we have TV phones, and automated vacuums, and we sort of have 3D TVs. When will we finally get automated irons? What a great idea.

Link Trash Bag

Here are some things that you might enjoy looking at.

Calbee, perhaps best known for their potato chips, made some awesome ads starring a human-dog. There's also this soccer one that I don't like quite as much.

It was probably bad news for Fukushima Co. (a refrigerator company based in Osaka) that the word "Fukushima" became synonymous with nuclear waste. Well, problem solved thanks to the company's new character, Fukuppy. In case you were wondering, Fukuppy was born in a refrigerator. Also, he/she doesn't know his/her gender yet... because he/she's just an egg silly!(It's not because nuclear waste has affected his/her genitalia.)

Did you know a band called Ass'n'aRRow existed?

The new Caplico commercials are worth checking out.

Red Shoes

Human A: I'm sure you're all aware that the new theme for our color photo album books is "red shoes." Obviously we're gonna get a dog wearing a hat to stand behind some, what else, red shoes. And yes, the slogan will be something like, "These shoes are just the right size for me." But here's the kicker: some of the background will be the same color as the font so it will be really difficult to read! It's like a metaphor for being human, or struggle, or something!

Human B: Sir, can I just say you better hope you don't get crucified...

Human A: Wha.. wha... what!?

Human B: ...because you're a modern day Jesus! Bravo sir!

Seal Show

I think most people don't take the time to consider how "radical" a seal show on another planet would be. I mean, of course the other planet has to have random basketball hoops built into to their mountains for it to be super awesome.

Kyary's Toothpaste Commercial

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu and Ora² have finally teamed up. The slogan is, "Brushing your teeth is like making yourself shine." The special Kyary toothpaste site has a really weird poem about brushing your teeth. Also, you can get some app for your phone to make your photos cute if you buy the toothpaste.

When Kyary brushes the giant cartoon tooth in the commercial, and little message pops up in the corner telling us its only an image. They're basically admitting the commercial isn't completely based in reality.

Get Rich Quick: Monkey Business Edition

Maybe they should be stared at their eyes.

We all know the famous saying, "Monkey see you, monkey hump you," but, "Monkey see you, monkey bite you?" Now I've heard everything. Between August 28th and September 7th 18 people were bitten by wild monkeys in Hyuga, Miyazaki. You're probably thinking, "So what? I alone was bitten by a similar amount of animals during that time period," and I hear you, but here's where the story gets interesting. Through a combination of donations and money from the government, each of the victims was awarded ¥20,000. That's about $200! So the get rich quick scheme goes like this:

1. Somehow go to Hyuga.
 2. Find a band of monkeys.
3. Stare them in the eyes (or throw rocks or something).
4. Collect your check.
5. Make a wise investment (let your money make you money).

There seems to be another scheme involving monkeys. In the same city a group of wild monkeys made their way into a vacated home. The fire department was called in to deal with the monkeys (if you can deal with fire, you can for sure handle monkeys). Some walls were damaged by the firemen (again, you deal with fire and monkeys in the same exact way: chopping walls). The owner of this house was given ¥360,000 (or about $3,600) in compensation. So the other get rich quick scheme is pretty much like the first one, but step one is now, "Own an abandoned house in Hyuga," and step three is, "Release band in home."

Source: Yomiuri Online

Taiwan Ramen Potato Chips

Japanese Food Review #67

 Apparently Taiwan ramen doesn't exist in Taiwan. It was invented by a Taiwanese guy in Nagoya. The original shop, Misen, is right next to Imaike Station, though you can now get it all over Nagoya. It's ramen with green onions, a ton of chili pepper, garlic, and ground pork. Though the Japanese usually don't prefer hot food, this ramen is legitimately spicy. So thank god Koikeya has finally made a Taiwan ramen potato chip.

Ratings: 
Gaybot: 4 There was a little garlic and a little meat flavoring, but mostly it was just chili pepper. The soup is good, but it's not my favorite ramen. This is much worse.
Girlbot: 2.5 She really likes the ramen, and this was not as good as she was expecting.
Overall: 3.25

Kyary's Smart Value AU CM

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu is back with another classic commercial. This time the guy in charge of putting stuffed animals in Kyary's hair asks her if she's enrolled in the "smart value" plan. She doesn't know that this is in reference to AU's plan that saves you $15 a month, so a bunch of ghosts with the symbol モ (mo) for noses appear. To the layman this may seem strange, but of course the mo stands for mottainai, or "what a waste". Goriki and the others become worried when Kyary doesn't leave the dressing room. Turns out she's just dancing with the ghosts and singing her new single Mottainai Dorando. She's saying, "Because it's a waste, because it's a waste I think of my dreams and cry." That's the kind of message most cell phone companies want associated with their product. I don't know why they don't add the catch phrase, "Kill yourself."

Fuyu Monogatari

Fuyu Monogatari or "The Winter's Tale" is now in stores. It's Sapporo's limited edition winter beer they put out every year. It's okay. Tastes quite a bit like their normal beer. Just thought everyone should know that winter has begun.

Babymetal Live Legend I D Z

It's common knowledge that BABYMETAL is the future of music, but as it turns out, "The legend of the trilogy was written in the book of the fox apocalypse." Who woulda thunk it, huh? This video starts out with a really confusing (but awesome intro) and then shows clips of a live show. I think I actually have to go to one now.

To Become a Boat

The "Battle of 6" boat race girls are back, and this time they're getting a bit metaphorical. The red cat says, "I want to feel a boat with my whole body." Of course we've all had this thought, and I have a theory that these thoughts increase when I'm wearing one of my sexing cat uniforms. The blue cat asks, "How would you do that?" Ah, yes, reality has once again stepped in the way of man's ancient desire to truly feel a boat, not just with our hands, or feet, or skin for that matter, but to have it be a part of us. The red cat says, "Like this," and magically jumps inside the boat. Indeed, "possible" and "impossible" are simply man made constructs. If we become "sexy cat women" anything is possible. So obviously the cats are humanity in this metaphor. The boat is probably Mechagodzilla or something. The driver might be my mom. I'm not sure about that one.

Drink Vinegar

I'm pretty sure that if you drink just one more cup of vinegar than you normally do a day, you'll be much healthier. Or, for sure your body will change somehow.