Spooky Halloween Toilet Paper

Let's just say wiping your butt just got a whole lot scarier around here! We've got ghosts, bats, and cats wearing a jester hat or maybe blood is flying out. And of course those creepy Christian crosses! Feeling chills just typing that! Good luck sleeping tonight, active fan base.

Halloween Roundup 2015

May this year's Halloween fireworks light up the sky of your life!

Halloween is growing in popularity every year in Japan. I think a huge part of it is just that stores want to sell crap to people and there aren't many good Japanese holidays to fill the void this time of year. Actually, the department store I went to today had Christmas crap up all over the place already. I even saw some Christmas displays a week ago. Still, it seems people enjoy doing things they imagine should be done on Halloween.

For example, there aren't really many pumpkins here, but there are a lot of mandarin oranges and persimmons,  so it makes sense that stickers are available to make "pumpkins".

More and more people are wearing some form of a costume. In my opinion, most are about as lame as possible. They're often very cheap with little to no thought put into them. Others are ridiculously good. I will give the 2015 Gaybotstume award to none other than Kyary Pamyu Pamyu for her David Bowie costume.

めっちゃ練習したからね😎 RT @iwasiwasi51: きゃりーちゃん！Mステみたよ！デヴィットボウイのポーズしててなんか面白くてきゃりーちゃんらしくてきゃりーちゃんに凄く似合ってたよ🎃@pamyurin pic.twitter.com/l6wCim0LHJ

— きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ (@pamyurin) October 30, 2015

I'm pretty sure that covers all the Halloween news here in Japan. Merry Christmas!

Halloween Ultraman

 I can't even tell if that jack-o-lantern is supposed to be Ultraman, one of the other characters, or just sort of from that universe. The eyes are similar, but the mouth is a normal pumpkin mouth. Anyway, I give the artist a B+.

This is an ad for the Autumn Family Mart Festival. If you spend ¥700 or more, you have a chance at winning a prize. Maybe the prize has something to do with Ultraman this time, but usually at these sort of events you win the canned coffee they couldn't sell, or something.

Happy Halloween to one and all.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Crazy Party Night : Pumpkins Strike Back

We'll soon be 80 short days away from the spookiest night of the year! Time to break out the Halloween music. Kyary, of course, had another Halloween song a few years back, Fashion Monster. Pumpkins Strike Back seems to be an obvious reference to that of an empire striking back, so we can all look forward to even more Halloween music in the future.

Again, the chorus is very poetic. It captures the joy of a crazy party night so well, but, at the same time, it recognizes what Halloween is all about. It makes us examine our own mortality. It might cause our innermost fears to come to the surface, and in the end we can only but go mad realizing the absurdity of this reality... so it becomes all that much more of a crazy party night. The chorus goes like this:

Pum pum pum with pumpkin,
Dancing dancing Halloween,
Kawaii o-bake no Halloween (a cute ghost's Halloween),
Pu pum with pumpkin,
Crazy crazy crazy night,
Dancing dancing pumpkin,
Crazy crazy party night.

Great Christmas Jam

I thought I'd continue with the Christmas theme from yesterday. This dude, Jun Hashiba, is the best. I'll just quote the video description:

"I'm 52 years old and Japanese.I'm a "Rihanna,B**** Better Have My Money" fan.I write a music and I play it with a PC.Please listen to the music.It's short song.Thank you!"

I've had this song in my head for a couple days, and it's for sure going to be a part of my holiday playlist every year. In case you want to sing along, he posted the lyrics in the comments.

"All the lights are shining everywhere And children are singing christmas carols I hear sleigh bells in the distance Oh,We're having a wonderful christmastime    I was looking forward to Christmas And I'm so very glad you're here Santa brought you to my room tonight We'll celebrate here on christmas day   I say Merry ChristmasYou say Merry ChristmasOh yeah,Merry ChristmasThat only comes this time of year   I say Merry ChristmasYou say Merry ChristmasOh yeah,Merry ChristmasThat only comes this time of year"

Happy Rubber Day

I guess the rubber industry wants people to think of May 6th as rubber day. Rubber is "gomu" in Japanese and the date kind of sounds like gomu (5-go, 6-muttsu). Anyway, #ゴムの日 is trending on twitter. I don't know what the rubber industry had in mind, but it's mostly just pictures of condoms and other cool stuff.

#ゴムの日 夜勤おわたー！ 今から俺ナマ浅草橋へ直行します！！ pic.twitter.com/neLx6O3kkx

— 干し芋のナマダ＠5/4〜俺ナマ展！ (@namada00) May 6, 2015

Sorry to turn you guyz on so quickly.

#ゴムの日 pic.twitter.com/HWPDDoUezS

— ジャーキー (@cak4917) May 6, 2015

A lot of the pictures are like this with young girls, but I think I know what my audience wants to see.

手マンで妊娠するらしいから皆さん指にもゴムを付けましょう。 嘘ですwなんか素手で手○ンをすると膣が傷つくらしくてそれを防ぐ為のコンドームらしいです。 #ゴムの日 pic.twitter.com/7tjgNiHlzo

— かなぶん@気分屋 (@KANAVEN_) May 5, 2015

Not enough people talk about finger AIDS prevention these days.

Easter Apple Pie Kit Kat

Japanese Food Review #93

Happy Easter! I hope you all found the traditional Easter pie that a rabbit hid for you!

I don't know why Japanese Kit Kat chose to make an apple pie flavor for Easter, but once you get beyond that, this just makes a lot of sense. On the bottom right it says it's apple pie flavor made with carrot. I'm not sure if that's because bunnies eat carrots or because they got apple pie and carrot cake mixed up. Anyway, the treat is 4.2% apple and 0.3% carrot, so it's a healthy snack. That egg on the top right basically says, "Get a good start with Easter!" On the back it explains that they mean a good start to spring. They know that you are supposed to look for eggs..., so they made some of the Kit Kats say "Lucky Easter". You should look for those. If you find one of them then... you will have found a Kit Kat that says "Lucky Easter".

The flavor was not very good. It didn't taste anything like apple pie. I was expecting some cinnamon or something, but it tasted more like a green apple Jolly Rancher. I guess the wafer sort of adds a pie taste? Also, they wanted it to look like bunny ears so they made the bottom third with white chocolate  flat across the surface. Because of this, you can not break the Kit Kat in half. I literally could not give you a break of that Kit Kat bar. So ironic!

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4
Girlbot: 6  She was surprised by the strong smell, but she also thought it was a good smell. She thinks it would be good with coffee. Also, she notes that she was very hungry when she tried it.
Overall: 5

Happy Easter

Looks like the Japanese are finally adopting the traditional practice of decorating trees with eggs for Easter.

On a side note:

Yeah, so Jesus was born  in the dead of winter. That's why we chop down a tree. Yeah, and he died in the spring sometime, so we decorate eggs, which I believe represent death in all cultures. Got it... wait! What the hell are you doing, Yoshi?! Eggs in a tree? You fool! The dying tree represents birth not rebirth! Plastic grass is rebirth! What...? Of course pink plastic grass is fine! What...? No you can not pleasure yourself after you're finished decorating! What are you thinking?! I have to say, Yoshi, that was a strange question even for you, and I... Yoshi...? Where did you go? Yoshi! You're scaring me, Yoshi... I... Wait..., was there ever a Yoshi... or was I Yoshi all along?

If someone from the New Yorker is reading this, yes, you can publish that story.

The Halloween displays have been up at a lot of stores for about two weeks. I can't believe Halloween is less than fifty days away! Here are some paper plates that are sure to make you the coolest out of place man at a children's Halloween party!

"Now, it is Halloween today! I will carry out appearance of a pumpkin and will surprise everybody!"

Again, this quote sounds like something Jesus would say, but I could totally see Mary teaching Jesus about this. We'll never know for sure because most contemporary bibles leave out almost of the Halloween party chapters.

Christmas Everyday

I wish I could be Christmas everyday.

I'm not really sure who came up with this quote. Maybe Jesus? Anyway, these decorations are hanging up year round at Big Echo, a karaoke place.

Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger

These dudez are basically the newest Power Rangers in Japan. This time they've got some electric dinosaur. I don't know anything about the show, but Wikipedia says it features samba, so it's probably pretty good. That thing on the left can make Christmas noises, and again the advertisement acts like it's awesome that the head of the dinosaur can come off... just as baby Jesus would have hoped.

Anpanman Christmas Cake

Anpan is a bread filled with sweet red beans. That character in the middle is Anpanman, and his head is that type of bread. On either side are Currypanman (Curry Bread Man) and Shokupanman (Sliced Bread Man). Several other characters are depicted around the cake. Most of the characters are food, but some, like the villian Baikinman (Germ Man), are not. Merry Christmas everyone!

Kamen Rider Gaim Cake

Little girls everywhere will be happy to know that they can get their very own Kamen Rider Gaim Christmas cake this year. Look, a little action figure comes with the cake,and, get this, the head rotates! Also, you get a little sound making device that says, "Merry Christmas," "Jingle bell," and, "Happy time." The batteries are sold separately. This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

Kumamon Cake

I can't tell you how much mail I get requesting me to write about the erotic bakery scene in Japan. Yes, it's true that I'm an expert on the subject, but this is just one topic I don't want to cover. I mean, if I publish all my knowledge, suddenly my favorite little bakery is crowded with other erotic cake enthusiasts. Instead, I've decided to take a look at some cakes you could have ordered for Christmas (in Japan you traditionally eat a cake on Christmas Eve).

This is a Kumamon cake. Kumamon is a character from Kumamoto amd kuma means bear.

 As you can see, it's a traditional "face cake." It's just a chocolate dome, and they give you some plastic pieces to make Kumamon's face. Nothing says Christmas like enjoying the sweet, sweet innards of a bear's face.

Keep reading all week for more Christmas cake news.

Santa-san

I think there was some study that people get depressed during the holidaze because they don't hear enough Christmas songs. Well, Momo Clover Z is here to help with their song "Santa-san." It's a couple of years old, but it will still help you celebrate the birth of our lord and savior. It's got of ton of great ideas, like treating each other like Christmas trees, locking someone in the fridge while caroling, hitting all your friends in the face with Christmas cakes (hilarious), and, or course, Christmas hog piles. Also, I'm guessing this song holds the record for the most times "Santa" is said in a song since the chorus is his name over and over (quite catchy).

Labor Thanksgiving Day (Nov. 23)

Today, Saturday, was Labor Thanksgiving Day (勤労感謝の日) in Japan. Before the end of WWII, the holiday was a harvest festival known as Niiname-sai. Then, at the urging of the U.S. (at least according to the Japanese Wikipedia page), the holiday was changed to Labor Thanksgiving Day (apparently with the idea being to combine the two American holidays of Labor Day and Thanksgiving into one). Now it's just a public holiday, and other than not having to work, little is done to celebrate the day. This year the holiday fell on a Saturday. Some companies require employees to work on Saturdays, so those employees were given the day off, but basically everyone else gets screwed out of a national holiday. What a great way to celebrate all the hard labor the citizens are doing, by letting them have Saturday off. On a side note, when a holiday falls on a Sunday, people are given Monday off.

Lotteria Merry Xmas

While people in America are wasting their time thinking about what to prepare for Thanksgiving, the Japanese are festively making reservations to eat fast food fried chicken on Christmas Eve. Most restaurants ask that you place your order buy the end of November. I know a lot of readers out there are too busy to look at advertisements themselves, so I've decided to place this unpaid advertisement on The Gaybot Times as a service to you. Lotteria has changed their menu slightly this year. They are still offering boneless chicken and juicy chicken pieces, but the french toast has been replaced by raisin danishes (a very risky move), and the pigs in a blanket have been replaced by ebi-dogs (think stick docks but with ebi instead of hot dogs. Also, ebi means shrimp). It appears Lotteria is taking a step backwards this year, though the 2 packets of Heinz Ketchup is a nice touch. Will one of Lotteria's competitors offer a more scrumptious menu? Check back soon to see if I remember to write about that!

Pumpkin Pudding Kit Kat Review

Japanese Food Review #70

 In honor of Hallow's Eve, this week The Gaybot Times is holding a "Pumpkin Flavored Treat Spooky Fun Challenge." Just like in the potato challenge, there are only two entrants. Nestle created the first entrant. Kit Kat is celebrating this most holy of holidaze by creating a flavor that symbolizes a treat we all know and love: green jack-o-lantern filled with pumpkin pudding that magically doesn't ooze out of the eyes and mouth. I would normally call that a squash, but I guess Japan follows Australian English in this instance and green things are also pumpkins. Like most flavored Kit Kats, it's made with flavored white chocolate. It was very sweet, I'd say creamy (puddingy?), and had a bit of a squash taste to it.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  It was interesting, but in the end it was too sweet, and it's difficult to say if it tasted like pumpkin pudding since I don't know what that is.
Girlbot: 3  She said it smelled like a pumpkin, but it tasted like plain white chocolate. I vehemently disagree.
Overall: 4

Will the other snack also not be very good. Check back soon for the exciting conclusion!
 

Toilet Paper

 

It's officially fall, so that means it's time to purchase your traditional Tom and Jerry Halloween toilet paper (with a chestnut scent).

Happy Children's Day

May 5th is Children's Day in Japan. It used to be Boy's Day, so all the decorations are male oriented. Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure.

The most prominent decorations are flying carp, or koinobori. They're supposed to make your child become a great person and are flying all over Japan well before Children's Day.

Samurai armor is also often displayed in houses with boys. Here's some armor girlbot's grandfather purchased many years ago.

It's incredibly expensive and takes up a lot of space, so if you're poor, you can buy a small cardboard one.

And it's good to know that some traditions are the same in every culture. For instance, we can all agree that children love dolls wearing helmets riding on giant carp.