Bringing a Little JC to Japan

The people of Japan are nice and all, but it does bother me that you almost never hear the phrase, "Praise JC for real, dawg!" or other such phrases much. That's all about to change because of this clever wordplay! That winged, crucified man will heal your back. Come on in. Yeah, just relax. That's it.

 BOOM! GOT YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO HEAVEN NOW, DAWG! It's just that simple.

Military Recruitment

This is a Japan Self-Defense Forces recruitment poster. I wish I were Japanese so I could join and meet all those busty blonds.

Also of note: whoever owns this building and allowed this poster to be put up also allowed a "no war!" sign to be placed right below it.

Poo's Questionable Views

I know these days it's fashionable for young people to say they like poo and what have you, but did you know poo is pretty much openly anti-dolphin, or something? I mean, it's cool if you're pro-poo, just know what you're supporting. Get educated people!

Alternative Human Shop

If you listen to Pavement or have replaced your human genitalia with animal genitalia, this is the shop for you.

Pasta Marketing

Sometimes it's so true what they say about no spaghetti. #nofilter

Bayside Calmo

Hmm... Bayside Calmo. West Coast makes you better life. Intriguing, but I usually like to know a shop's concept before walking in. What's that? Look at the sign next to this one? Okay, simply redirecting my eyeballs, and...

Oh, okay. I can get behind that. Now all I have to do is manipulate my legs to enter the store.

Tips for the Ladies

Here's kind of a cute sign about getting molested. I think it basically says that if you get molested you should:

1. Lift up your leg and arch your back. Basically try to be the biggest girl you can be. Maybe the molester will sympathize with you. Who knows? You might even make him into a feminist!

2. Scream for help in a foreign language. Studies have shown that most people don't like women from their own country.

3. Try not to keep your eyes closed the whole time and look for some distinguishing features the molester might have. For example, does he have a giant mustache instead of a nose? A tip like this might help the police nab your man!

Just kidding! This sign says to be careful of molesters. Also, "Dark, lonely roads are dangerous." This road is right in front of an elementary school. LOL!!!!!!!!

Pain Problems?

Whether you've got a sharp pain on the tip of your butt, or... I guess like the corner of your butt...? We've got a giant thumb that can help.

A Sign Makers Meeting #2

Boss: So, did you fix up that sign warning people not touch downed power lines.
Ron: Yes, sir. Here it is.
Boss: (delighted chuckle) Okay, yes, yes. Still, I think there's one area you could improve.
Ron: You don't want the boy to be wearing underwear.
Boss: So you agree? It'll be so much funnier that way. Every time I've pantsed someone and gotten a real laugh...
Ron: No, you've just already told me it would be funnier that way several times.
Boss: Or maybe just more butt crack? How about that?
Ron: Honestly, sir, I don't really understand why we even need this much crack.
Boss: Well, I mean..., why else would someone look at this sign?
Ron: Because it's a sign on the street and people look at those.
Boss: Some of them maybe, yeah, but when I see butt crack... I'm interested. I'm going to read that sign.
Ron: Okay, well, I really think this is as much butt crack as I can justify.
Boss: (long sigh) Yes, Virgin Mary.
Ron: Umm, do you think that's a saying?
Boss: Uh, maybe read a bible for once in your life, jeez.

A Sign Makers Meeting

Boss: Did you see the new sidewalk sign Yoshi submitted?
Gary: Yeah... really good color scheme.
Boss: Yes, yes, that's true... Um, the humans...
Gary: They're a little abstract.
Boss: Can you have him do it again.
Gary: Um, yeah, Gary's going through a really tough time.
Boss: Oh?
Gary: His wife left him for some young surfer and he claims she tried to poison him.
Boss: Oh my.
Gary: Between you and me, I'd say there's a better chance he poisoned himself and tried to pin it on her.
Boss: I... can we get him some help?
Gary: Well, I mean, at the same time he's been making some really interesting points.
Boss: What?
Gary: He's been making a lot of good observations about the nature of reality and our lack of understanding of it. Like, what is an arm? At what point is an arm no longer an arm?
Boss: ...So... we'll just go with this sign.

Corn Please

For the life of me, I'll never understand why people choose the cup. They're pretty much giving the corn away. Seriously, have you ever heard yourself say, "No, sir, you can keep your free corn that you are offering me. I'd rather not have this free of charge corn." You know why you've never said that? Because you'd have to be insane not to just take the corn! I'm sure you know a friend that likes corn even if you don't! Granted, it's a little harder to hold a corn of ice cream, and you have to eat it a little faster, but this is FREE CORN, PEOPLE!!!

Wally Cook Update

Awhile ago there was a little post on this site about a place called Wally Cook because the sign made it look like the name might be Wally Cock. That's already hilarious, but I took that photo at night and apparently only saw part of the building.

Oh, that's kind of funny that the cock restaurant has shiny bones sticking out of a wine glass. And then on the other wall...

Those pink things sure are thrusting into that wine bottle that's gushing out a mountain that... hey, wait a minute! Is that a dick in the snow of the mountain! This is like The Little Mermaid all over again!

For the record, this place does seem to be a normal restaurant and not some erotic bakery, or sex cafe, or a sex a wine bottle shop, or something.

English Okey

You're not going to have any trouble communicating with these guys. They're pretty much wizards of the English language.

Always be Active

This is pretty much my new mantra. Basically, I'm going to try to eat everything, even it doesn't appear to be food. It's going to be a super interesting documentary.

Explaining Fire Safety

Every parent knows it's nearly impossible to explain fire safety to children. Luckily, a Japanese artist has made the job simple for parents.

Listen kids, a fire detector, well, it's sort of like a white pig that's both cute and horrifying at the same time. It yells pi pi if it sees a fire. Then, of course, there's a magic cat that spots the fire with its lightbulb eyes. This makes the cat happy as it contemplates shooting the fire with some sort of  anti-fire spray can. And, you know, uh, red elephant that's supposed to be a fire extinguisher? Fire extinguisher's are a lot like tea kettles... in that... I think the point is that the elephant is wearing a dress so we know it's a girl. Only girls wear dresses, got that? No one will love you if you wear a dress, okay? Any questions about fire safety?

Sabado

Human A: Whoa, that's a crazy tattoo.
Human B: Well, I consider it more of an eccentric super tattoo, but...
Human A: Yeah, I guess cards with money signs and hearts is pretty eccentric.

Porn Box

The top script reads, "This postbox is for adult magazines. Don't put garbage or newspapers in it.” The bottom explains that they'll also take porno books and DVDs. They seem to have forgotten to add, "Seriously, only your premo porn!" These boxes are found at some train stations in Gifu. I guess they think people will give up their porn and that will make the community better. A couple of thoughts:

1. If this did persuade you to give up your porn, why would you want to throw it away in the porn box in front of all the other train passengers, or would you just stand near the box until there's no one at the station?
2. If you're a kid who hasn't figured out how to watch porn on the internet, I bet you could figure out how to stick your arm into the local porn box at the station.

Daily Foods

People often wonder how Japanese people seem to stay so healthy. I tend to believe that the secret is the culture's emphasis on the importance of eating daily foods. These are the foods that you absolutely must eat everyday to stay healthy. You know, foods like milk, fruit yoghurt, butter, cheese, Gouda cheese, Camembert cheese, Edam cheese, cheese slicer, etc.

The Sun Lounge

If you want to look cool like these folks, just head to The Sun Lounge. I'm not sure where you can get one of those stylish crotch stars, but you could try asking the front desk.

Firefighting

This poster is telling us to put fire detectors in our homes. The bottom caption reads, "We're all heroes!" I like how the firefighters are wearing effeminate scarves and know karate (Girlbot says he's just doing a cool pose and it's not karate. Also, they are cute and in no way funny).