Where's Waldo Gum

Japanese Gum Review #16

Lotte has finally listened to the consumers and made a Where's Waldo themed gum. By the way, it's Where's Wally in Japan. There were several different covers, and I chose the one where he's doing the traditional Fit's dance. If you don't know what I'm talking about... I don't have time for you. Please stop reading now.

You've probably noticed that Wally wears red and white. That's why you likely already guessed that this is a strawberry and milk flavored gum. Actually, it mostly tasted like really fake strawberry candy with a hint of fake milk. I'd say it was a little kid flavor.

The best part of this gum, hands down, was the back of the box. Free Where's Wally!!!!! (hint: he's wearing red and white).

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  Bumped it up from a 4.5 for the packaging. Why don't all boxes have crap like this?
Girlbot: 5  She says it tastes like a gum she had as a child.
Overall: 5

Ginger Ale Soy Milk

Japanese Food Review #109

Juice-box-sized soy milk comes in many different flavors in Japan, but I'd never seen this one before. The front of the box tells you it's non-carbonated as well as a source for fiber, two things people are always looking for in their ginger ale soy milk. Also of note, this whole 200ml box is only 38 calories. Normal, non-sweetened soy milk would usually be 110 calories or so. The secret is that the second ingredient is lemon juice. It must be 40% of it or something. There's also actual ginger juice, which is something you won't find in most ginger ales these days.

It tasted mostly like ginger ale. Like pretty bad, strange ginger ale. I'm not sure I would have known there was soy milk in it at all just from the taste. I took three sips and wasn't repulsed, but I will never have it again.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3
Girlbot: 1  She thinks it tastes like if she mixed the homemade ginger ale she tried to make (which she thought was horrible) with soy milk.
Overall: 2

Salted Salmon Soft Candy

Japanese Food Review #108

This candy is called Puccho. It's a soft candy with little chunks of gummy candy in it. I think it's a good brand as far as major soft candy brands go. This, obviously, looks repulsive. It's the first time I considered only taking a picture instead of doing a proper review, but I know there are readers out there that want to know if this is simply horrible or the worst snack of all time.

This diagram explains that there are gummies inside of a salted salmon flavored soft candy. Then that red thing in the middle represents real salmon flakes. What the hell.

I have to say, I do like the look of the candy.

I ate only the edge of one at first. It didn't really taste fishy at all. It kind of tasted lemony. I ate a little more and gave the rest to Girlbot. She agreed and was disappointed that it wasn't the worst thing in the history of the world. Then I ate a whole one... and there were several large chunks of salmon mixed with the lemony candy. It was disgusting.

Gaybot: 1  I have to say, I like the look of the candy and the package. I wish it didn't have fish inside of it.
Girlbot:  1
Overall: 1

It's tied for fourth worst snack reviewed on this site. Probably about right.

Tofu Ice Cream

Japanese Food Review #107

This is a snack I get every time I visit Ise Shrine. The store also sells tofu doughnuts. Here are some signs outside the store if you ever find yourself there.

Soy milk ice cream is not all that unusual, but I believe actual tofu ice cream is fairly rare. The sign says that 55% of the ice cream is a combination of tofu and soy milk. The tofu taste really comes through, but it is still sweet and it's the fresh, high quality tofu taste you might not be used to in other countries.

This sign says you should hold the cone up straight because the ice cream melts easily. I usually turn my cone upside down and then scream at the staff if any ice cream touches the floor, so I think they may have made this sign especially for me.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 8.5  I don't know if I would want it all the time, but I do enjoy the ritual of getting it when I find myself in Ise.
Girlbot: 10  She notes that people who don't like tofu will hate this ice cream.
Overall: 9.25

This snack is now in first place in the overall snack standings!!!!!!!!

Green Curry Pringles

Japanese Food Review #106

Thai Curry Chip Week rages on! I don't have much to say. At first I thought they didn't really taste like green curry. They weren't hot at all and reminded me of fajitas a little. Still, it was a good flavor no matter what it was. I think the onion and pepper flavors were strong. The other flavor kind of reminded me of avocado, but I realized it was like coconut milk mixed with other flavors. After about five chips it tasted basically like green curry with almost no spice at all.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7
Girlbot: 5  She likes them, but they weren't super good.
Overall: 6

Pringles easily wins.

Mango Curry Chips

 Japanese Food Review #105

Well, it's "Thai Curry Chip Week" once again here at the Times. This year we have two exciting entrants.

First up is a mango curry chip produced by Koikeya in their Exochip line. I believe Exochip is short for exotic chip, so my first reaction was to be incredibly turned on by these. Well played, Koikeya. The chip is said to combine the sweetness of a mango with the mild taste of coconut milk. You'd think they'd mention something about spices. They smelled pretty crappy and not particularly like mangoes or curry. There wasn't a strong curry taste, but it was there with a little mango taste that came on stronger the longer I chewed.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3  It wasn't the worst, but after 5 chips or so, I'd had enough.
Girlbot: 1  She hates mangos. She said these tasted like chemicals (but she also thinks mangoes taste like chemicals). I didn't notice this at first, but after she pointed it out, I did notice there was a faint, soapy aftertaste.
Overall: 2

Will the other Thai curry chip score higher than 2 and take home the coveted trophy? Check back multiple times a day to find out!

Potato Salad Potato Snack

Japanese Food Review #104

Most of you know that I have a pretty complicated relationship with potato salad.

Things I like about potato salad:

1. The flavor (sort of)

Things I don't like about potato salad:

1. Too wet

2. Sometimes you can feel the potatoes and other vegetables.

That's why I was so excited that Calbee made this snack. These are a version of Sapporo Potato, a snack that is usually vegetable flavor. They're shaped like fries and are mostly air. I think they're supposed to be a healthy alternative to chips, so if you're Japanese mom is an idiot, you're allowed to eat these instead of good snacks.

For this new flavor, Calbee asked some elementary school students to help choose the flavor. Kids are worse at life than other humans so the flavor is potato salad with apples. What the hell, kids? It might be that the kids just thought it would be super funny to mess with Calbee. That's for sure what I would've done.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4  Pretty bad odor came from the bag. Mostly just tasted like potato salad, though. Sometimes I thought I could taste some apple in there. Nothing I ever want to eat again.
Girlbot: 5  She also didn't like them much, but she likes Sapporo Potato in general and ate most of the bag.
Overall: 4.5

Banana Potato Chips

Japanese Food Review #103

These are made by Koikeya. They are a major company, but anyone in the Japanese snack game knows they are a poor man's Calbee's. They have produced three fruit flavored potato chips this year, peach, mandarin, and, the type we will be examining today, banana.

There is a "press release" on the Koikeya website explaining that they would like their fruit chips to become the "4th breakfast" joining bread, rice, and granola. They said they noticed that pancakes (perhaps considered a bread?) and granola are very popular with people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. We all know that children and people over 50 hate pancakes. Anyway, they discovered that both pancakes and granola are often eaten with fruit! So why not spray chips with banana powder?!

While the bag says "banana powder was used", I couldn't detect any real banana flavor. I guess I'm not sure what banana powder means, but it was just that very fake banana taste. If you want to taste this and don't live in Japan, maybe grate some banana laffy taffy over some chips and enjoy. It was that exact flavor. That sounds awful, and it was, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't eat it. I had two chips. I could have eaten the whole bag, but the thought, "What the hell am I doing?" came to mind, and I stopped.

I think the recipe they share on the back is also of interest.

It's marshmallow banana toast. You put marshmallows, bananas, and banana potato chips on toast and cover it in chocolate sauce. I think it's for people that are worried eating only chips for breakfast is unhealthy. They say the crunchy chips and fluffy marshmallows go well together.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 2.5  Again, I could eat it.
Girlbot: 1  She noted that the banana flavor is very strong when you first put it in your mouth, but it fades away and then only tastes like a chip.
Overall: 1.75

Sour Cream and Onion Cheetos

Japanese Food Review #102

Of course it's a historic day in the U.S. with gay marriage becoming legal in all 50 states. It's all anyone is talking about, including the always cool/hilarious Chester Cheetah!

New Flamin’ Hot Mix-Ups are so good they’re disorienting. I couldn’t even remember what color my stripes were. Then I realized I have spots.

— Chester Cheetah (@ChesterCheetah) June 26, 2015

I hadn't realized that people were referring to gay marriage as "new flamin' hot mix-ups". Anyway, glad to hear Chester voice his support. It's amazing he can say something so moving that also makes us chuckle.

On a sad note, Cheetos in Japan pretty much suck. They have two standard flavors, cheese and bbq. They're both quite sweet for what is supposed to be a savory snack. It is an abomination. Also, it is my duty to let you, the readers, know that I have always enjoyed sour cream and onion snacks, and that will influence the score I giveth to these.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6.5  They were still a little sweet, but the sour cream and onion taste was good. They were the best Cheetos I've had in Japan.
Girlbot: 5  She's not huge on sour cream and onion.
Overall: 5.75

Salty Citrus of the Sun Gum

Japanese Gum Review #15

Unless you've been living under a rock or are not super interested in gum reviews, you've already heard the gum review that shocked the world.

My favorite gum is @juicyfruit... #ItsMy2Cents

— Larry King (@kingsthings) June 15, 2015

This, clearly, is the gum review to end all gum reviews. Here at the Times, we seriously considered getting out of the gum review biz (short for business) entirely. But, on the other hand, there are new gums constantly appearing, and there is a chance that Larry King is not an immortal vampire or something, so someone we may have to carry on the torch. Of course we'll never be at his level, but we must keeping battling, honing our gum review skills.

With that in mind...

We'll be looking at another limited edition Fit's gum, Salty Citrus of the Sun. I guess it's a summah gum. The citrus, I believe, is grapefruit, and while there is a saltiness to the gum, it is not overpowering. Honestly, it reminded me of salt water taffy, which I always hated as a child. For some reason I liked it here (guess I'm growing up). This might just be in my mind, but the texture of this was better than normal Fit's gum. It was a bit thicker and better for blowing bubbles.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7.5  A fun gum for the summah.
Girlbot: 5  She was happy it wasn't too salty, but she still wouldn't buy it again.
Overall: 6.25

Wasabi & Soy Sauce Doritos

Japanese Food Review #101

I know that I recently said that I don't like Doritos, but those were Royal Doritos and these are just the normal type. It turns out I don't really like these either. I guess they were pretty good for Doritos. They're no Nacho Cheese, though. The wasabi taste was strong and a little spicy. I couldn't really pick up on the soy sauce flavor. It was just salty. Why am I trying to explain this? The samurai dude on the package does a perfect job:

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5
Girlbot: 4  She does not like wasabi, but she was happy that these weren't too spicy.
Overall: 4.5

Super Mario and Luigi Gum

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of Super Mario Bros., Nintendo has teamed up with Lotte to make special Mario gum. Makes sense. Let's take a look at both gums.

Japanese Gum Review #13

The title of this gum is Mario's Invincible Star. You probably already guessed that this is code for ginger ale. First off, thumbs up to Fit's for the packaging. Secondly, it doesn't taste like ginger ale. It kind of tasted like lime to me. This made me furious, because limes are green and Mario is red. Still steaming about this one.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  Not horrible.
Girlbot: 5  She thought it tasted like lemon. Also, she initially gave it a 7, but after tasting the Luigi gum, she changed her mind.
Overall: 5

Japanese Gum Review #14

This gum is called Luigi's Unlimited 1-Ups. This is in reference to jumping on that turtle forever to get 1-ups. Of course jumping on a turtle tastes like melon soda, which is pretty popular in Japan, especially with kids. This gum, in my opinion, was good and did taste like melon soda. Girlbot said it tasted like soda, which is an awful flavor often used in children's candy here. It reminded her of her childhood.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7  Luigi is cooler than Mario.
Girlbot: 5  She tried this and said it was very good and then gave it a 5. Then I questioned why she gave it a worse score than the Mario gum, and her reaction was to knock the Mario gum down to 5. So they're equal? Even though she said Luigi's is better? Yes.
Overall: 6

Three Worst Snacks

There were four snacks that tied for fourth with a score of 1. Let's take a look at the three snacks that scored below that. There was also a tie at number two.

Number 2 (A):  Gourmet Anchovy and Garlic Doritos

Date: 7/3/2012

Score: 0

Notes: I don't really remember this. It says neither of us could finish a chip. Sounds pretty bad.









Number 2 (B): Japanese Spaghetti Popsicle

Date: 3/25/2014

Score: 0

Notes: This I remember very well. The sugary tomato soup taste was gross, as were the tomato jelly chunks inside.









Number 1: Pepsi Cheetos

Date: 7/9/2013

Score: -2.5

Notes: I actually gave all three of these snacks a score of 0 because I thought negative scores were not possible. However, I'm pleased that Girlbot gave these a -5 score. They were clearly the worst snack and tasted like poison.

Top Five Snacks

It should come as no surprise that we're still just going crazy here at the Times after reviewing the 100th snack. You can see at the top that we have finally unveiled a "Snack Standings" tab, and we thought it might be "fun" to look at the top five snacks thus far.

Number 5: Butter Chicken Curry Jagarico

Date: 4/29/2015

Score: 8

Notes: This was the most recent snack to break into the top five. Also, this snack received a score of 9 from me, Gaybot, making it the highest ranked snack for me in the top 5. This limited edition snack is already out of the stores.






Number 4: Caramel Pudding Yukimi Daifuku

Date: 11/12/2013

Score: 8.25

Notes: Girlbot gave this a perfect 10, whereas I gave it a 6.5. That is the lowest score any of the snacks in the top five received. This is another limited edition snack, but I think it might come back in the winter.

Number 3: Haagen-Dazs Murasaki Imo

Date: 10/19/2013

Score: 8.5

Notes: Girlbot gave it a 9, but said she would have given it a 10 if weren't for the hefty price tag, so this could have placed even higher. It is yet another limited addition snack, and it did come back last year. We bought it and enjoyed it again. Solid snack.





Number 2: Hokkaido Ramen (Soy Sauce)

Date: 5/9/2013

Score: 8.75

Notes: This is the only non-limited edition snack to break into the top five. It's another that got a score of 10 from Girlbot. I also agree that the ramen is pretty good, but I'm still more into the package and try to say "ripe 'n' dry" as often as I can.






Number 1: Cheesecake Ice Cream Mochi

Date: 1/19/2013

Score: 9

Notes: This limited edition treat came back again last winter as well. The date is the earliest in the top five and happens to be Dadbot's birthday. Truly is a small world! Girlbot again gave this a 10. I believe I wrote about this later, but I bought this snack a month or two after this and gave one to Girlbot. I didn't ask her to rate it, but she told me she would give it a 6. She had no idea she had ever had it before. Anyway, it is quite good.

Gari Gari Kun Genki Drink

Japanese Food Review #100

Wow. 100. Obviously there have been a lot of tear-filled speeches today given by myself to a mirror. Umm, I want to thank Girlbot for all of her hard work. Couldn't have done it without you... unless maybe if I got a chicken that randomly pecked at the numbers 1-10. That probably would have also worked, but thank you. I also want to thank the two or three of you who bothered to comment on the food reviews. It's really good to know that you think I'm an idiot. I guess that covers everyone. Let's get to the review.

We have looked at a couple other Gari Gari Kun popsicles before, the spaghetti version and the stew one. They were both horrible. Today we are looking at the genki drink flavor popsicle. Genki drink means energy drink. They're slightly different in Japan, but this is basically Red Bull flavor. The popsicle doesn't contain any bull semen or even caffeine. It did, however, have both apple and pineapple juice.

It smelled like an energy drink, and the first taste did provide that sort of weird energy drink aftertaste. But the more I ate, the more it tasted just like fake pineapple, or maybe some tropical popsicle.

Ratings:  
Gaybot: 6  It wasn't bad and for the price, ¥66, it is a great value.
Girlbot: 7  She said it reminded her of when she was in high school and drank a lot of energy drinks.
Overall: 6.5

Royal Tandoori Chicken Doritos

Japanese Food Review #99

These were much better than the Keema Curry Doritos and actually had a flavor resembling tandoori chicken. Still, they weren't very good. Maybe I'm just getting to a point where I can't eat Doritos anymore, but I think it might just be the thickness of Royal Doritos. For some reason the flavor of the chip (not the powder) kept making me think of dog food.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4.5  I have to give it a better rating than the curry ones.
Girlbot: 6  She ate one, said they were much better, even good, and then said she didn't want a second chip ever again. So... 6.
Overall: 5.25

Royal Keema Curry Doritos

Japanese Food Review #98

In the past, I've written about Gourmet Doritos. They are limited edition flavors of Doritos that are slightly thicker and the flavor is added twice (because spraying your edible cardboard with synthetic powdered cheese but one time is so pedestrian). Perhaps the days of Gourmet Doritos are behind us, because these are Royal Doritos but seem to be the exact same thing.

Frito Lay has released two Indian flavors at the same time. Today we'll be looking at the keema curry ones. First off, making thicker Doritos is a bad idea. The actual chip is still of the lowest quality, so twice as thin would be a better gimmick. The flavor here didn't really seem like curry, or I would never have guessed curry if I hadn't seen the bag. It tasted kind of like Don Tacos (fake taco flavor) except spicier. Also, there was maybe a little Cool Ranch in there.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4  Not good, but I did end up finishing the bag over the course of three days (it's not a large bag).
Girlbot: 2  She could only stomach one chip.
Overall: 3

I did buy the other Royal Doritos flavor, so check back every hour to see if I wrote about that eating experience.

Ichimi Kit Kat

Japanese Food Review #97

Ichimi means "one flavor" and is just red chili pepper. It's a very common seasoning in Japan. Kit Kat often comes out with limited (time-wise) editions of flavors, but they also have flavors that can only be purchased in certain parts of Japan. They make good souvenirs, I guess. This one is from Shinshu, which is the old name for Nagano. Apparently they like chili peppers there.

The chocolate was darker than that of a normal Kit Kat, which I consider a good thing. At first, I couldn't taste any spice at all. It was only after swallowing that the spice hit me. (That's what she said?) It wasn't super spicy, but some heat was certainly there. It kind of reminded me of some chocolate I've had in America, like Tobasco Spicy Chocolate, but not nearly as spicy.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6  It's interesting enough, but I don't feel the need to head to Nagano for more.
Girlbot: 6  She said it was better than she was expecting.
Overall: 6

There you have it. 666 the sign of the devil! Great work Kit Kat.

Butter Chicken Curry Jagarico

Japanese Food Review #96

Jagaricos are crispy potato snacks shaped like fries. I'm sure most of you remember three years ago when we reviewed Spicy Cheese Jagaricos. They received an overall score of 2.5. How will the curry incarnation fare?

First off, we have to give it up for the packaging.

All barcodes should be Taj Mahals from now on.

The giraffes are Indian! That's fun!

The flavor was also of a high quality. It tasted very much like an Indian curry. Most curry flavor snacks in Japan are supposed to taste like Japanese curry. I like that flavor, but I prefer Indian curry. This was the first time I have tasted a potato snack with this particular flavor. The butter flavoring was strong as well, but not at all gross or overpowering.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 9  I don't know that I'd want to eat them all the time, but I'll definitely buy them again if they are re-released in the future.
Girlbot: 7  She was surprised by how much they tasted like curry and was happy they weren't spicy.
Overall: 8

A very solid score for the Indian giraffe family.

KFC Potato Chips

Japanese Food Review #95

I know you're all thinking, "Didn't you already review these in November of 2012?" You really all are idiots, aren't you? We reviewed salty ginger KFC chips last time. These are boneless crunchy salt KFC chips. We gave the ginger chips a rating of 3.5 and concluded that the Colonel was spinning in his grave. Will the Calbee chip scientists fair better this time around?

First off, I don't know why they chose to simulate boneless chicken if they wanted to make them crunchy. Bones are the crunchiest part, right? The chips were a little spicy and had a lot of black pepper on them. I haven't been to KFC in awhile, but this never used to be a staple of their product. There was a bit of a chicken taste, but it didn't bring KFC to mind. It was similar to the chicken flavoring in cheap instant ramen.

Ratings: 
Gaybot: 5  I like black pepper chips, but Calbee's plain black pepper chips are much better than these.
Girlbot: 0  She couldn't eat these, and she loves potato chips. She said they were too spicy and tasted bad.
Overall: 2.5

Ladies and gentlemen..., he's still spinning.