Garbage Animals

I found out that shoving trash in monkey mouths is technically illegal the hard way. Trust me on this, looping a track of monkey noises on your phone and hanging out in this park just makes more sense. Stay safe, guyz.

Alpaca Wedding

It's no secret that a lot of men aren't very excited about wedding ceremonies. That's all about to change because every red-blooded male's dream has finally come true in Tochigi, Japan: a wedding with an alpaca for a ring bearer!!! Can you believe it, guyz! Weddings ain't just for ladies anymore!

I know what you're all thinking, and the answer is yes, they force the alpaca to wear a red bow tie!

アルパカ結婚式 in エピナール那須♡ こんな結婚式も悪くない！ 皆さんもどーですか？ リツイートお願いします‼︎ pic.twitter.com/RntWf8OP0K

— CHIAKI (@minichua_chi_ko) August 17, 2015

“@PECO_japan: 【ニュース】アルパカと一緒に結婚式ができる日本の結婚式が世界中で話題！ http://t.co/qlm3oWaqtd pic.twitter.com/8vxzgBL9CY”

— クリスチャン デブタン (@Uchihara_) August 11, 2015

That alpaca is just loving life! Now you're probably all wondering about touching policies. I couldn't find much about this, and the hotel didn't respond to my English screams over the phone, but it does appear that sandwiching the alpaca with bride and groom kisses is encouraged!

モフモフのアルパカがウェディングをお祝い！那須のリゾートホテルの結婚式サービスにアルパカ登場｜栃木県 那須郡那須町｜「Webマガジン コロカル」 http://t.co/VMvBnaCnju pic.twitter.com/dPaz3w43Yh

— ミニヤギのしろぺん@LINEスタンプ発売 (@shiropen) August 18, 2015

モフモフのアルパカがウェディングをお祝い！那須のリゾートホテルの結婚式サービスにアルパカ登場｜栃木県 那須郡那須町｜「Webマガジン コロカル」 http://t.co/VMvBnaCnju pic.twitter.com/dPaz3w43Yh

— ミニヤギのしろぺん@LINEスタンプ発売 (@shiropen) August 18, 2015

栃木では結婚式にアルパカが参列するらしいwwwwwww http://t.co/QsxILnmdnI pic.twitter.com/c3GWT1c9Rn

— 海外の反応 (@kaigai_react) July 17, 2015

I'm sure a lot of you are relieved to see that cross up there. Yes, it's a wedding Jesus would most certainly approve of. The wedding will only set you back ¥488,000 or a little over $4000.

Hamster No Ginji

@kawanabesatou is a semi-popular Twitter account that features pictures of hamsters in miniature worlds (mostly bars or coffee shops). If you want to see several of these photos a day, check out that link, or, if you want to see a couple pictures once, look below and do nothing else. Is that all clear now?

虎王 「あっぶな！！ 今日まだやったよね？ 8月20日 木曜日 お誕生日おめでと！！」 pic.twitter.com/09JIkQEfIw

— ハムスターの銀次（川辺石材佐藤の上司） (@kawanabesatou) August 20, 2015

虎王 「労働環境やら向上心で 転職を考えるのは 今の時代当たり前や。 せやけど、辞めたい思たら なんか一つ 功績残すんや。 辞める言うときに 会社から、どうぞ！て 言われたないやんか。 もうちょい気張ってみぃや」 pic.twitter.com/DXd7fyEKjb

— ハムスターの銀次（川辺石材佐藤の上司） (@kawanabesatou) August 19, 2015

虎王 「お昼やでー♪」 pic.twitter.com/qaJv8o7qA1

— ハムスターの銀次（川辺石材佐藤の上司） (@kawanabesatou) August 19, 2015

@hedgehogdays はーい おはようさーん pic.twitter.com/czuep9O4AK

— ハムスターの銀次（川辺石材佐藤の上司） (@kawanabesatou) August 9, 2015

虎王 「もう、クローバー食わんよ(笑)」 pic.twitter.com/nBZ6LBqF8U

— ハムスターの銀次（川辺石材佐藤の上司） (@kawanabesatou) August 4, 2015

Told you guyz life isn't meaningless!

Orix Buffaloes Animal Jerseys

This is an ad the Orix Buffaloes made for their special animal jerseys. They have all the cool, intimidating animals: giraffe, zebra, red panda, snake, sheep, panda, panther, flamingo, peacock, and black bear. It looks like they asked the players to try and pose like the animal they were wearing? Most of the players did what I would consider the "cute lady cat" pose. Here are some more pics on their site.

Chupa Chups

It's getting more and more difficult for corporations to successfully push sugar on a public that is increasingly aware of the dangers of diabetes and other health problems. Still, Chupa Chups does make a rather convincing argument for at least giving them a try:

How to Wash Human Hands

Since I brought up washing your hands two months ago, it seems like a perfect time to continue discussing the subject.

You see signs explaining how to wash your hands all over Japan. Especially during flu season, you almost can't avoid them (and the signs will also tell you to gargle). I don't know, I thought explaining how to wash your hands was not really a thing that had to be done. I used to be in charge of making sure some kindergarteners washed their hands before lunch. My instructions were as follows:

1. Wash your hands.

That was usually enough, but for some kids I might have to add:

2. (Dude,) all over.

I think I've got all the steps down, right? WRONG!!! It's a six step process, you idiots! Granted, six steps is probably too many to remember, but what if, instead of steps, you remember some weird poses related to a turtle and a wolf? That can't be too hard.

1. Pray pose. Okay, this has nothing to do with a turtle or a wolf, so it's likely the one you'll forget the most.
2. Turtle pose. You know how turtles are known for riding on top of each other and how that's not impossible? Do that, but with your hands!
3. Mountain pose. Again, no animals, but just remember how you or someone you know likes mountains.
4. Wolf pose. Stupid wolves, always dancing like Frankenstein and scratching their paws. Be like them.
5. Bike pose. What?!! A turtle on a bike?! This I will not soon forget!
6. Caught pose. Remember the old saying, "Turtle catches wolf. Don't even think about touching my wife. I'm a real mother-f@*king turtle, mother-f@*ker!"

There you have it! Your hands will always remain clean if you can somehow remember steps 1 and 3. Probably won't happen. Oh well, just be like a large majority of men in Japan and simply don't wash your hands.

Curry Art

You've got to admit, spending all your time reading about and practicing latte art does get a little boring at times. That's why it's time to invest countless hours of your short life into making curry look strange. Let's take a look at some photos shared on Twitter.

One popular style is to make "curry panda". I think it might be considered a fun play on words. Curry pan (curry bread) is very popular, and "da" can mean "is" ....so that's something.

こんどカレーパンダ作ってみよー 決定ー🎉 この前作ったコーギーオムライスより簡単そうやな笑 pic.twitter.com/hE6xs9iE39

— KEITA (@k__ozaki) April 22, 2015

カレーパンダ pic.twitter.com/ltXRltHA2I

— くりこ✩ユゲリスト (@PanPanPandaex) April 7, 2015

納豆カレーパンダ🍛🐼 pic.twitter.com/GmiBUvsfzZ

— 澁谷 京香 (@KYOKA_0342) January 14, 2015

Also, making it appear that something is taking a bath seems to be a common theme. The bathing thing is often a bear (like in real life), but humans and other animals bathe, as well.

俊太のお姉さんがすごくかわいいカレーライス作ってくれました☆ pic.twitter.com/VZO4lBv80n

— hana (@hana08225587) February 7, 2014

かわいい^^　RT "@yankumi72: 1月22日『カレーライスの日』 今日のランチか夕食に カレーは如何ですか^ ^♡ みんなと一緒にカレーです♪笑 みんなが今日も笑顔で 幸せ♡いっぱい感じる 一日になりますように…＊ pic.twitter.com/bHKoAutGmT"

— macky (@mjshy125) January 22, 2014

これすごかわいい RT @marikoushikubo: こんな可愛いカレーライスは食べられませんね！クマがカレー風呂でマッタリしてますよ！ pic.twitter.com/D82O6z4g

— Ped'or (@maitre_pedor) April 26, 2012

飲食業の知り合いの写真に癒されたぁ～～(*^∀^*)੭.°カレーライスのお風呂かな？笑 かわいい～！ pic.twitter.com/qukpr9Wf

— .*☆YUMI☆*. (@yun_1029) August 22, 2012

⭐️きまぐれkitchenよりお知らせ⭐️ 新メニューのお知らせ ニャンとも可愛い猫カレーライスが登場しました‼️ 土日、各１０食限定 ミニサラダ付き ８５０円 明日から登場します‼️ pic.twitter.com/P6XueYfu2y

— 牛乳猫 (@milkcat0612) January 23, 2015

Ha ha ha! So fun!

A lot of people complain about the difficulty of obtaining penguin meat. Well, why not just imagine that you're eating penguins?

@momoka_fairies ももかー♡ ペンギンのカレーライスだって！ 食べたい？ pic.twitter.com/WCB90ko3hk

— nanaco (@fairiesnanaco) September 30, 2014

今日のお昼はペンギンカレー！ ペンギンおにぎりを作るのが難しかったです。 pic.twitter.com/poezCuHxRN

— 奈乃 (@nano_kc) March 15, 2015

This lady says her kids hate carrots, so she decided to torture them. It is kind of a good parenting tip: If your children don't like a certain food, have them imagine that the food is a small, human-like creature. Then, force them to eat it and laugh at them when they cry.

子供のニンジン嫌いが悪化するカレーライス pic.twitter.com/XAld3LE6Rg

— ニライカナイφ★ (@niraikanai07) June 3, 2015

This is supposed to be a sheep.

"@kingjim: グループ会社で取扱い中のデコ弁グッズ、ペンギンのカレー温泉弁当も作れます。ﾎｶｧ… http://t.co/8yb1uNaDWp pic.twitter.com/9fbNRWQo52" こんなの出されたら食べられないｼﾞｬﾏｲｶ……(汗)

— NANASHI (@SyKagura) March 10, 2015

仕事の打ち合わせで 高円寺にある『ぽたかふぇ。』というとこに行ってきました サインを描かせていただきました！ カレーが可愛くて美味しかったです(^^) よかったら是非〜☆ @pottercafe pic.twitter.com/Iqge0VYTco

— ほのぼのイラスト. (@ueicbl2wavk7) June 25, 2015

There you have it. Please enjoy your new hobby.

Takumi Kama

Let's admit it, these are strange times we live in. I mean, it's okay for a woman to be a woman, or for a man to be a woman, but for a man to be a REAL man? Apparently that's not acceptable in this modern world. Women are always saying that they want men to open up and share what they're thinking. But the second you tell them how you really feel, how you wish they were 16 or 17 years old..., and also maybe some sort of human-animal hybrid, all of a sudden you're "mentally unstable," and you "shouldn't be allowed near minors," and she "doesn't feel comfortable when you make eye-contact with her." Believe me, I learned the hard way not to share my true feelings with my better half.

Luckily, one artist is fighting back and depicting the world that all men wish were reality. His name is Takumi Kama, and he has completed his project entitled High School Animal Girls. You can see much of his art on his blog. Here's a taste of the pictures he has shared on twitter.

「豚女子 (Pig girl)」 2015／パネルに紙・鉛筆(pencil on panel)／273×220ｍｍ ファーストフードを食べ散らかす豚女子です。 手に持つハンバーガーがマックポークでは無いことを願います。 pic.twitter.com/yjM0PfBasE

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 28, 2015

「時間女子 (Deer girl)」(部分) 2015／パネルに紙・鉛筆(pencil on panel)／273×220ｍｍ pic.twitter.com/OBQOpHqT9u

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 11, 2015

「三猿女子(Three wise monkey girls)」(部分) 2015／パネルに紙・鉛筆(pencil on panel)／273×410ｍｍ 釜 匠 個展『女子高生物』 BAMI gallery 5/19～ pic.twitter.com/Lz9IuMhYwb

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 7, 2015

いよいよ来週19日から始まります！ pic.twitter.com/u20cRJqrle

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 12, 2015

Support this dude.

Handsome Gorilla in Nagoya Zoo

I wouldn't qualify this as actually being news or even a topic people are talking about, but some folks on the internet believe this gorilla at the Higashiyama Zoo in Nagoya is very handsome. There's a little buzz on twitter and he even appeared on the local news.

This yummy hunk of man-gorilla meat is named Shabani. Some have compared him to themselves or other celebrities like soccer player Yoshito Okubo.

@masami_t_cnr サッカーの大久保嘉人選手がこんなツイートで話題になってますが砂川ゴリラの出番ですかね？ 最近ネットで話題のイケメンゴリラが人間のオレよりイケメンと聞いたから比べてみた。 完敗。。。 pic.twitter.com/p2soOg0kha

— きの (@kino__onik) May 22, 2015

So what do you say? Would you let this gorilla have his way with you?

Super Viral Meme #3

Sometimes things are just so true so it's just so fun!

Viral Meme #2

People can't get enough of these fun memes!

Cat & Parm

Just wanted to let you know about my new business Cat & Parm. You probably guessed from the name, but it's a company where I dress up my cat in various Santa outfits and surround him in "snow" (parmesan cheese). I'm not sure about the next step yet. Probably posters where the cat is thinking cute thoughts of baby Jesus. I'll probably need $20,000 to really get started. Please tell me how much you want to invest in the comments. Also, please don't steal my idea.

Ha ha ha, lol!!! If you couldn't tell, the company meant to write Cut & Perm. It really did take me a second to realize it wasn't some sort of cat salon.

It truly is the purrrr-fect crime!

Lucky Koala Poop Paper

A visual approximation of the scientist who
 came up with the with this super fun idea.

Higashiyama Zoo in Nagoya had a really good way to attract visitors today: mix up dried koala poop with milk cartons and make some paper with a koala picture.

Okay, that sounds a little silly, but they also wrote, "certainly pass," on it, so it's not that crazy. The promotion was aimed at students who will be taking exams this spring. Many of them buy lucky charms at temples and shrines before tests. It stands to reason that a little poop couldn't hurt. The idea was that koalas don't fall (from trees), and in Japanese the same verb is used for fall and fail a test. Also, the word for poop is "unchi" and the word for luck is "un." That's why you sometimes see lucky poop. Also, koalas are always intoxicated, so it's probably a way to tell students that it's cool to steal a little bit of your dad's whiskey every now and again. You can see a picture of the paper on the link below.

Source: Chunichi Shimbun Online

JA Bank 2014

There's a new edition of one of my favorite Japanese commercials. The song is just two lines repeated over and over:

Winter saving is JA.
Winter is the season for saving.

This song is so true. Humans are kind of like squirrels, and squirrels are famous for spending all their acorns on fireworks and whores in the fall. Then they spend all winter saving up the bountiful winter gifts nature offers them. You almost never hear about squirrels doing cocaine at one of their frugal holiday parties, just like us humans. So you should open a savings account at this particular bank now, though, yeah, it's not winter yet.

Colac

Thought we'd stick with the poop theme.


This is a commercial for Colac (コーラック), a constipation medicine. That cute, pink deer is talking about how she hasn't had a bowel movement in three days. Then that sexy deer comes through crapping all over the place showing that it's not only the outside of her body that's perfect. The pink deer thinks that looks nice. We are told to buy Colac and the red arrow on the right reads, "My first constipation medicine." You'll probably want to put that in a scrapbook to show your third husband's kids or something. The story repeats itself with a goat mailman? The commercial ends with the deer pooping on the sentence, "You only need to take it when it won't come out."

2 Male Hyenas Refuse to Make Offspring

Fun ice cream cones or gay zoo propaganda?

I've heard of doggy style, but forcing two male hyenas to have sex in a cage style? That's not a style, is it? Well, apparently at Sapporo's Maruyama Zoo it is. The zoo announced on the 25th that the two hyenas they've been making breed together since 2010 are both male. The hyenas were never seen "banging" and, in fact, were constantly fighting when put together. One can assume that the local zoo scientists didn't find this odd because female humans often hit and bite them when they attempt to copulate.

The hyenas were a gift from Sapporo's South Korean sister city, Daejeon. It's a typical sister thing to do, tricking you into trying to make male animals have sex together. Man, it looks like the two countries are even after that whole first half of the 20th century prank Japan pulled on Korea.

It might not be that simple, however. All the zoo scientists claim that this wasn't a "wicked" prank and that it is difficult to distinguish between male and female hyenas. The zoo had to put the two to sleep to make sure. I guess the female's clitoris is bigger than the male penis. This means that South Korea may still be looking to do some other awesome prank in the near future.

Source: Doshin Web

Pet Monkey

The pet shop in the mall by my house is selling a monkey. It's only about $4,500 if anybody wants to go in on it with. I've got a couple surefire ideas to make our money back. Obviously one involves a small cowboy costume and some rockets or something. Also, I've got this idea for a show where Hitler is reincarnated as a small boys pet monkey. I was thinking it would be a comedy, but I'd be willing to do a serious drama as well if you invest more than 50%.

Feeding Pigeons in Osu

This song came to me in a dream. My dream told me that it first appeared in a Joe Cocker dream, so, in a way, this is my first Cocker cover.

Turtle

One of my neighbors has a large turtle that is often trying to escape from the 2nd story balcony. I don't have to go to the zoo to see depressed animals anymore!

JA Bank

You know how a squirrel's life depends on its ability to save food for the winter, right? Well that's why a giant squirrel is the perfect mascot for opening a savings account. JA Bank has made several squirrel based ads (the one above is the best in my opinion). Each ad ends with the slogan, "This winter save money at JA." Now you understand why 12 giant squirrels are dancing on the moon. Maybe you want to check out some other ads that make sense:



Too cute for you? Try another version:

There are 19 of these if you hunger for more.