A Cute Girl?

What do you think of this young girl?

日本人の若い女の子は特に造形部分で非常にハードルが高かったのですが、湿度を含んだ柔らかい感触、この年代のもつ透明感、日本女子の柔らかく優しい感じなどを目標に作成 HPもアップしました　http://t.co/Ft7KgSxFG9 pic.twitter.com/uGDkYZrSfZ

— Yuka (@mojeyuka) October 13, 2015

You think she's cute?

You fool! That's not an underage school girl you're looking at. That's a 3DCG image created by married couple Teruyuki and Yuka Ishikawa. You're basically attracted to a bunch of 1s and 0s, you sicko!

I didn't fall for it at first, but I am pretty attracted to teenage ghosts, so this one got me a little bit, but just a little.

新しく現在作成中の一人目の3DCG character「Saya」です、今年のクリカンではこちらのキャラクターを中心により実践的なワークフローを紹介させていただく予定です。http://t.co/0Q2zsW6Z73 pic.twitter.com/xgdYax7pp6

— Yuka (@mojeyuka) October 13, 2015

Itasupo Rubbing Pillow

Huge news in the "pretending your pillow is your girlfriend" world! Our girlfriends can now talk when caressed!!!!! There are sensors in different spots in the pillow and will respond to your romantic touches. For example, the pillow Yuka Makuraba says, "That tickles," when her tummy is rubbed and, "I like when you do that," when you rub her forehead. See! It teaches you! I'll have to try that forehead rub thing if I'm ever near a woman. That's not all. If your touch is too strong, she says, "Can't you be more gentle?" Apparently, just like everyone's dream woman, she also tells you not to touch her in certain places!

By the way, she says she's 16 and the older sister of Rina. Rina was the original pillow. At the end they ask, "Which will be your wife!" So, um, yeah. I guess I'll date the younger one for 4 years before the big wedding night.

Did you want to see the sales representative and Rina pillow?

Kodomoroid

Well, It looks like the robots are just about ready to take over the world. Japanese scientists have developed Kodomoroid (meaning kid-roid). It's supposed to look like a ten-year-old girl and is designed to read the news. Basically it's just a moving mannequin that uses some crappy voice technology. It has been reported that the voice can be changed, and you can even choose a man's voice. A ten-year-old robot girl with a man's voice? Maybe a little too erotic for the news if you ask me. The scientists also produced Otonaroid (or adult-roid). Look at her use her nimble hands.


Just a few modifications and she could be an unstoppable terminator.

Compact Hospitality Bra

Most people close to me know that I'm a bit of an expert with the ladies. I know a lot about how their minds work, like how they like chocolate and stuff. I've also always said that women want super gimmicky bras. They should be like toys and you should be able to stuff crap in them. Great minds think alike, because some Japanese fashion scientists working at Triumph had the same idea. This bra is called Omotenashi (meaning hospitality) Compact Bra. The front reads magokoro meaning sincerity or true heart. The bra pads can be removed and used as little pouches. One holds a little towel while the other holds a collapsable cup. There are little hands pressed together in the front (a very polite gesture), and the gloves in the back can be used to hold the bra and all its gadgets. Of course, those little hands in the front make a normal blouse look ridiculous, but a thick, sexy, wool pancho can still be worn without anyone noticing the costume you have on underneath.

Amazing Soft Contact Device Invented

I know some people are a little squeamish about touching their eyeballs. I think that's probably because they're not touching them with tweezers. That's all going to change. I can already see myself explaining to my bewildered grandchildren that some humans used to manually insert their contacts! The future truly is a wondrous land.

Pizza Hut Revolutionizes Pizza Box Technology

Let me guess how your last phone call to order pizza ended:

Pizza Human: So, just the two pizzas?
You: Yeah, that's all.
Pizza Human: And how many boxes do you want with that?
You: Umm...
Pizza Human: I assume you're going to get at least one.
You: I can get just one?
Pizza Human: Yeah, I can try to stuff them into one box if you'd like.
You: Can I get two?
Pizza Human: Sure, no problem. It's just company policy that I have to remind you that the rain forest  is being cut down at an incredibly rapid rate.
You:...I'll take the two boxes...
Pizza Human: And I'll just call up the rain forest and tell that chimpanzee family they'll have to move again.
You: ...
Human Pizza: Okay, you're pizzas should be there in about 30 minutes. Thank you, sir.

These conversations might soon be a thing of the past thanks to the hardworking scientists at Pizza Hut's Japanese research facilities.

What? Two pizzas in one box? The only reason I never ordered Pizza Hut was because I didn't want to waste cardboard. Things are looking up. Hello many evenings of heartburn and depression!

Look Flashy...Even in the Rain?! [NSFW]

This video does not contain any porn or violent images, but if you're prone to "emotional screams" or "excitement seizures," you might want to bring your computer into a bathroom stall right about now.

We all know that looking sexy is easy on a sunny day... but when it's raining, it's hard to distinguish between a homeless man and a super model. Let's just say I've been caught "heavy petting the wrong kind of bum" on more than one occasion, and it was probably because it was raining or something. With this new invention, people will instantly be able to see that you are a "hunk" and/or "babe" in the worst of weather.

Also, I've always had a few problems with umbrellas:
1. Not enough people stare at me while I hold one.
2. They barely use any electricity.
These are problems no more. Behold...

Brain Reading Camera

This product was created by the Neurowear, the same company that brought us Necomimi (brain controlled cat ears) and a brain controlled tail. You should probably watch a bit of those if you haven't. This product requires that you wear your i-phone on your head (I'm already loving it), reads your brainwaves, and records things it thinks you enjoy. Later you can look at what you enjoyed. It would really help me, like, "Oh, I really liked looking at the floor while drinking whiskey. I'll have to try that again. I would have never remembered that." The product ranks how much you like things from 0 to 100 and records things that score above 60. If you actually watch the video, you can see that the meter is constantly flying all over the place. It will hit 61 and be in the 30s in less than 2 seconds. It's as if this machine doesn't really work, or perhaps that woman was flooded with conflicting emotions when she saw that picture of fireworks.

Smellophone

Great news! I finally found out why I'm so depressed! It turns out that there aren't nearly enough smells coming from my phone! Luckily, this will soon be a thing of the past. Japanese scientists have developed a product that will release smells from your phone during video games or when a text message is received. We all thought Brett Favre was a fool for sending those crotch shots, but it turns out that if he had simply waited a few years to send them, that chick would totally have been into them.

Eggs-pert Creates Eggs-cellent Eggs

I think we've all been there. You bite into an egg only to realize that the texture is almost nothing like pudding. You vomit in your mouth and try to take a mental note of the eggs-perience. Well, making eggs has finally become incredibly complicated. Fuwatoro eggs are spun at a high speed, checked with a light to see if they've been adequately spun, and cooked at a fixed temperature so the egg comes out looking like pudding. Life just might be worth living.

Fax Machines and Cat Piss: A Deadly Combination

Is this cat considering burning you to death?

Fax machines are still widely used in Japan (see more in The New York Times). A couple different times I've sent an email asking someone to email a copy of something to me. The reply was, "What's your fax number?" That's why this news can even exist.

According to Yomiuri Shimbun, Brother company announced that fax machines produced by the company between January of 2005 and February of this year could burst into flames when they come into contact with cat urine. Apparently a short can be caused when a cat urinates into the hole where paper comes out. No word yet on if human urine or goat urine has the same effect. No injuries have been reported.

Amazing Leap in Diaper Changing Technology

Have you ever noticed that changing an elderly person's diaper doesn't smell so pleasant? And have you thought, "This is one of the most pressing problems in the world. We've got to do something about this!" Well, some scientists in Japan agree with you. The Ando Corporation has invented a machine that attempts to eliminate the bad smells pouring from soiled diapers. The machine uses a type of charcoal that absorbs the foul odors. When asked why the old techniques of plugging your nose or not breathing through your nose needed to be improved upon, a "scientist" replied, "Those techniques aren't making anyone a f@cking yen," and went on to say, "That's what animals do. I've seen my dog eat its own puke. Why don't you do that too?" When asked if he thought hospitals really needed such a large machine that could only be used for a comparatively insignificant task, he replied, "Are you asking if there's too much crap in hospitals. No pun intended!" Most observers say the pun was almost certainly intended.

High Class Toothbrush

This toothbrush is described as high class, and at first I thought, "Yeah, brown is sort of classy, I guess," but when I took a closer look I realized it is made of real goat and horse hair. Now I know the secret behind why all the elderly Japanese have such beautiful smiles (this and the absence of fluoride).

Great Leap in Surgical Mask Technology

Have you ever noticed that those surgical masks you wear everywhere don't really produce much of an odor? What a waste. Well, the surgical mask scientists have made a huge breakthrough in mask odor technology. Introducing faint herb smelling masks:

You can choose from five great smells: rose, jasmine, lavender, camomile, and bergamot orange. Anyway, my life is close to perfect now. I just hope they come out with butterscotch flavor next year.