Dog Bread

This is another vending machine toy called inu-pan, meaning dog bread. There are six types in all.

It says the intended age for this product is 15 and older. I think it's probably true that a lot of 14-year-olds just don't get dog bread, you know? And also they might choke on it or get weird ideas. I had to tell my 2-year-old, "No! Maybe I'll let you touch it in 13 years. We'll see how mature you are then. This isn't some kind of toy! This is dog bread! Adults only!"

Let's take a closer look at the six types of dog bread.

Obviously the top three are the really high quality bread dogs. The doughnut one is cool as well, but what's with two waffle dogs? They're not even in the waffles. I really think they just put in a couple crap ones so if you get one of them, you feel like you have to buy another.

And wouldn't you know it, just my luck, I got a waffle dog. I'd even say it's the worse of the two waffle dogs.

I suppose I might get another one if I find myself drunk and with extra coins at the grocery store.

Orion Citrus Beer

For years we've been wondering what Asahi's answer to Bud Light Lime would be, and now we have the answer: Orion Shequasar Beer Cocktail. Shequasar is also known as citrus depressa. I have no idea what that sentence means, but it's just some lime looking fruit in Okinawa and Taiwan. Orion is Asahi's Okinawan beer. It pretty much tastes like other Japanese beers. Maybe it's slightly lighter.

This beer is "FOR YOUR HAPPY TIME" and gives itself three stars. All good signs. Girlbot took the first sip and made a face like it was the worst thing ever, then said, "It's good. Tastes like Corona with a lime." Apparently the carbonation somehow caused that face. It wasn't very good. It tasted like Orion with some lime flavoring, which was probably mostly artificial because it says it has 0.2% fruit juice. I don't really remember what Bud Light Lime tasted like, but this was better.

I guess check out this limited edition beer if you have the chance.

Pink Beer

I've often complained that, "Beer isn't really that cute," and, "Beer is almost alway identifiable as beer," but that has all changed thanks to Asahi's new pink beer! It's actually a happoshu (low malt beer) and not a true beer. This one boasts that it has 50% less sugar. I thought I'd probably need to add a couple spoonfuls of sugar, but it turned out to be okay without it. It says the drink contains rose hip, so theoretically that's why it's pink. It also calls itself a "beer cocktail" and says it smell of hops. Surprisingly, it wasn't bad. I usually hate happoshu, and this wasn't good, but it tasted like there were some hops in it instead of just tasting like a somehow worse version of Coors Light.

Fuyu Monogatari

Fuyu Monogatari or "The Winter's Tale" is now in stores. It's Sapporo's limited edition winter beer they put out every year. It's okay. Tastes quite a bit like their normal beer. Just thought everyone should know that winter has begun.

Kirin Aki Aji

The major breweries in Japan produce several seasonal beers, and I think my favorite is Aki Aji or Autumn Flavor. Maybe it's just because it has a little more alcohol in it so I don't have to mix it with as much whiskey to "feel right." Anyway, I noticed that stores are already carrying it. Summer is officially over. You can no longer tell women that horrible rash you have is caused by "summer sweats." Think of a new excuse, fellas, and enjoy the taste of autumn.

Drunk Man on the Tracks

I was for some reason watching videos of drunk businessmen when I came across this. I guess this guy lost his wallet, freaked out and jumped on the tracks for some reason. This sets off the buzzer you hear in the video. When the station attendant comes over, the drunk dude decides its his chance to wrestle and take his shirt off. The station attendant keeps telling him to calm down as he tries to keep his hat on. Everyone else watches silently until the attendant runs away. Then an older gentleman scolds the drunk guy, who in turn apologizes as if his life depends on it. Man alive, that must have been a super nice wallet. Poor guy.

Kodomo No Nomimono

Another fake beer for kids.

Candy Beer

This drink looks like beer and tastes like cola. The mug shows the Nohara family from Crayon Shin Chan, a popular manga and anime in Japan. It's called Namaiki Drink, meaning cheeky drink, and it's sold at most grocery stores. It's a great way to encourage 2-year-olds to develop a drinking problem.

Lcohol

I've found that the Japanese love a good play on words that makes no sense almost as much as they love store names that are impossible to pronounce. They also get a kick out of practical jokes. They know that you can't "Enjoy even without a alcohol." That's why one of the specials at this restaurant is the 2 hour all you can drink alcohol course (I recommend the straight whiskey and yelling at the other customers).

Winning Brew

If you're anything like me, you've come down with a horrible case of World Baseball Classic Fever or H.E.R.P.E.S. for short. (Acronyms have never been my strong suit.) Anyway, Asahi has produced the perfect remedy: Winning Brew. It's not actually beer. It's a beer flavored drink called happoshu. The tax on malted beverages is incredibly high in Japan, so breweries produce these cheaper beverages that use less than 25% malt. An added bonus is that it tastes horrible and gives you a horrible hangover. It makes me wonder if Coors Light wouldn't be considered beer in Japan. The can is also made to look like a baseball, making it roughly three times fun as normal beers to throw at people's heads. The WBC is actually a pretty big deal in Japan.

Frozen Beer Foam

This has been out for awhile...
The really exciting news is that you can get a frozen beer foam maker for your home.

All you have to do is drink 96 cans of Kirin Ichiban by August 13th, peel the stickers off the cans, send them in, and... you'll be a real man, or chicks will love you, or something. Anyway, now when people ask me what I'm doing this summer, I don't have to say nothing.