John "Hoops Hound" Gordon

DYGL

DYGL has won the coveted GB Times Best Japanese Music of 2015 award. Another title could be the Japanese music that sounds most like the music I was listening to when I was 20. Congratulations the winners.

Boy Talk - Xtreme

Wow, this latest viral Boy Talk video already nearly has double digit views and just in time for the holiday season.

M!LK - I Can't Drink Coffee

Love the attitude these dudez are rocking! This is their first single called "I Can't Drink Coffee". It's about trying to impress girls by drinking coffee even though you can't because it's bitter and stuff. It's something all us cool guyz can relate to. I'm sure you'll watch the whole video.



On another note, I want to thank a lot of you for your advice on how to impress girls. You've had a lot of great ideas, but unfortunately nothing has worked as of yet. As it turns out, it's looking like I might just need to change my wardrobe. This is the uniform M!LK usually wears:

本日はサンリオピューロランドにニコ生に盛り沢山でした〜！ピューロランドにお越し頂いた方、ニコ生をご視聴頂いた方ありがとうございました！#M!LK #EBiDAN #キティ#ニコ生 pic.twitter.com/IW8NpfK696

— M!LK_OFFICIAL_STAFF (@milk_info) August 19, 2015

本日よりM!LK『完全S・S・D！』配信開始！ ★iTunes　http://t.co/jb3KX0xD4I ★レコチョク　http://t.co/YKbHjkSYlt ★music.jp　http://t.co/EB0F9OEmlx pic.twitter.com/wntFgC90Kc

— M!LK_OFFICIAL_STAFF (@milk_info) July 7, 2015

Look out, ladies.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Crazy Party Night : Pumpkins Strike Back

We'll soon be 80 short days away from the spookiest night of the year! Time to break out the Halloween music. Kyary, of course, had another Halloween song a few years back, Fashion Monster. Pumpkins Strike Back seems to be an obvious reference to that of an empire striking back, so we can all look forward to even more Halloween music in the future.

Again, the chorus is very poetic. It captures the joy of a crazy party night so well, but, at the same time, it recognizes what Halloween is all about. It makes us examine our own mortality. It might cause our innermost fears to come to the surface, and in the end we can only but go mad realizing the absurdity of this reality... so it becomes all that much more of a crazy party night. The chorus goes like this:

Pum pum pum with pumpkin,
Dancing dancing Halloween,
Kawaii o-bake no Halloween (a cute ghost's Halloween),
Pu pum with pumpkin,
Crazy crazy crazy night,
Dancing dancing pumpkin,
Crazy crazy party night.

Kindan No Tasuketsu - GOGO!! Kung-fu Dance

I believe Kindan No Tasuketsu translates to Forbidden Majority Rule. They are on Space Shower Music's record label. I've shared a bunch of Space Shower TV stuff before. Like that Mowmow Lulu Gyaban video was from them. I guess check out this video.



Kindan No Tasuketsu often ties to make strange videos. I picked up several new dance moves here, but I pretty much already knew that making the "I'm dead inside" face while doing ridiculous moves is cool. That main punch to the side and then hump your way to the other side (which I assume in the titular kung-fu dance) is definitely going to be used by me a lot. Also of note, "LSD" flashes on the screen for a tenth of a second or so.

The young lady in the black kung fu outfit is Tentenko. She appears to be the lead singer, but she isn't actually in the band. She's a former member of BiS (Brand-new Idol Society), a group of idols that claimed to be anti-idols. They played more rock type stuff. None of this matters.

That guy pretending to be a drunken businessman usually goes by Hounoki (or sometimes Kuzunari Hounoki). I think he writes everything and makes all the videos. It's weird that this is the type of music he makes because on their soundcloud page they cover songs like Totally Confused by Beck and In the Mouth a Desert by Pavement. They're just straight covers, and, of course, they're much worse than the originals because a Japanese person is trying to sing in English. I love both those songs, and they're so different from everything I've heard Hounoki write.

Mowmow Lulu Gyaban - Farewell Mankind

Likely no one recalls the Times article about Mowmow Lulu Gyaban from three years ago. Anyway, they're funny/entertaining, and they've made a very solid video called さらば人類 or Farewell Mankind. Please enjoy.



It's not completely radical until 30 seconds in or so.

Umm, also here's a picture of the three member band:

モーモー対バンツアーにキュウソ、POLY、tricot、ACCが参加 http://t.co/WMHQua3q2f pic.twitter.com/2JiLyMms97

— 音楽ナタリー (@natalie_mu) June 17, 2015

Great Christmas Jam

I thought I'd continue with the Christmas theme from yesterday. This dude, Jun Hashiba, is the best. I'll just quote the video description:

"I'm 52 years old and Japanese.I'm a "Rihanna,B**** Better Have My Money" fan.I write a music and I play it with a PC.Please listen to the music.It's short song.Thank you!"

I've had this song in my head for a couple days, and it's for sure going to be a part of my holiday playlist every year. In case you want to sing along, he posted the lyrics in the comments.

"All the lights are shining everywhere And children are singing christmas carols I hear sleigh bells in the distance Oh,We're having a wonderful christmastime    I was looking forward to Christmas And I'm so very glad you're here Santa brought you to my room tonight We'll celebrate here on christmas day   I say Merry ChristmasYou say Merry ChristmasOh yeah,Merry ChristmasThat only comes this time of year   I say Merry ChristmasYou say Merry ChristmasOh yeah,Merry ChristmasThat only comes this time of year"

Taco Bell Access Rap

Taco Bell is opening up in Tokyo!!! In honor of the event, they decided to remind us once again that the only thing "más good" than fake, cheap Mexican food, is fake, cheap rap about fake, cheap Mexican food. The rap starts by explaining how to get to the store. They magically find a way to make what should be a seven second explanation take two minutes. And then the beautiful chorus:

Tacos, burrito, crunch wrap,
Nachos, fajita, quesadilla, 
Japan original taco rice.
ima sugu choudai!(Give it to me right away)
Taco Bell choudai! (Give me Taco Bell)

The Gyojah Boyz (Pilgrim Boyz?) have really outdone themselves this time. Fun note, one of the MC's is called MC 卍. Yes, it's a backwards buddhist swastika, but still fun.

Momoiro Clover Z vs KISS

I think most of us thought Kiss had reached their pinnacle when they named their arena football team after themselves, but somehow this band just keeps getting better! This time they've hooked up with Momoiro Clover Z to make a couple of "rocking" songs. Also, it's the same song twice. The main difference is that Kiss sings the main part on "Samurai Son". That version will be released on a Kiss CD and not the internet. This is because their biggest fans are mostly autistic 50-year-olds and are much better at CDs than youtube.

Above is the Momocuro version. The cartoon only part stops around the 1:40 mark. After that you can finally see some men in their 60s wearing clown make-up.

Boy Talk - Street Drugs

Kikagaku Moyo

Kikagaku Moyo (meaning "Geometric Patterns") is a Japanese band. In an interview for the Austin Psych Fest, their drummer claims they don't fit into one genre of music. On the other hand, they have a sitar player in the band. Not a dude that can play the sitar but usually plays guitar... A sitar player. In the same interview, he says the name comes from one of the first nights they were playing together. They jammed all night in the dark, and he could see geometric patterns behind his eyelids. "We were between sleep and awake..." Anyway, I think it's safe to say they're a 60s psychedelic revivalist band... or something.

They came out with their first EP in 2013 and have two out this year. This is from the latest, Forest of Lost Children. It's worth listening to the whole thing.

Chubbiness

Thought I'd share this with you in case you don't already have a eating disorder.

This new pop group is called Chubbiness. I know, they're disgusting to look at, but if they're as musically talented as the Fat Boys, you just can't help but listen. Try shutting your eyes if it's too much for you. On the Chubbiness website you can check each members stats, including their height and weight (including the date it was measured). The heaviest girl weighs 63 kg (139 pounds) and stands 161 cm tall (5'3").

I'll give you a moment to go clean the vomit out of your mouth.

Kind of a fun fact, that's considered to be in the normal weight range if you look at her body mass index. God, science is so stupid.

TEMPURA KIDZ vs Charisma.com

Tempura Kidz, best known for being Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's backup dancers, have teamed up with Charisma.com, an electro-rap group. Maybe they don't know what "vs" means. The song is called Miira Kira meaning Mummy Killer. One site said that mummy is a metaphor for empty humans who have no will, or for people who hide their true selves (like a mummy does with bandages. Show us your rotting corpses you damn mummies!). I guess they want to kill those people, or just stop them from being mummies. I've got a big problem with their use of mummies. In the video a mummy bites someone who then becomes a mummy. What? Mummies ARE NOT zombies!!! I mean, maybe that mummy got bit by some sort of zombie monkey, but you need to explain that!

The video is supposed to look like an 80s countdown show in Nagoya. Every song on the countdown is the song we're listening to! I think they were hoping the video would be funny. The host drinks whiskey during a break. I liked that, I guess.

By the way, Charisma.com might be sort of big someday, so... I don't know, memorize them or whatever. They're pretty weird and hate a lot of stuff. The actual music (not the rapping) sounds kind of K-poppy to me. Here's maybe their first single? MC Gonchi commits a murder suicide at the end of it. They say it's about how they hate girls who say "kawaii" (cute) too much and just basically young people caring about fashion. "You're cool but fool" is part of the chorus. So that explains why they murdered those shadow people with green blood before taking their own lives.

Kira Kira Killer

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's new song is called Kira Kira Killer. It could be translated to "Sparkling Killer".  She's apparently some super hero. At the beginning of the song, she chants, "L-U-C-K!" but she can't really pronounce "L" like an English speaker, so that's fun. Kira backwards in Japanese is raki or lucky, so the chorus is that over and over. My horrible translation of the chorus:

Sparkling Killer lucky lucky lucky
Look, the future is happy happy happy
Sparkling killer from the sky now
Coming now 1, 2, 3, 4
Sparkling Killer lucky lucky lucky
Look, the future is happy happy happy
Sparkling Killer thump thump thump* fall in love
Sparkling Killer Sparkling Killer
Sparkling Killer magical power
Completely a Sparkling Killer

*a heart beating sound

Obviously people will debate the significance of these lyrics for centuries to come, but we can all agree that killers create at least a bit of happiness in this crazy world. Also, lucky, lucky, lucky.

Caddie GoluGolu - Say Fore

I guess golf caddies in Japan are often old women? I, for one, would much rather have a grandma carrying around my clubs than some young man who's always talking about how his knees don't hurt. This group is supposed to be a bunch of those caddies, and they're singing about following golf's rules. First, they kick a guy for not yelling, "Fore!" Later, they absolutely rip into some guyz for not following the dress code. They also get angry at some golfers for playing to slowly.

This seems like somebody saw The Obachan Theme and decided they could make some money making a funny old lady song. It seems like the market is ripe for a few more Japanese elderly women rap groups.

Ventla

Japanese Indie Music Sundays

Ventla is a guy (or humans?) out of Tokyo. The most notable thing about them is that they plan to release 100 digital albums for free. They started in 2010 and already have 25 available. Even if you hate these songs, they've probably made something you'll like. Or perhaps you'll spend roughly 24 hours learning that you dislike all their works, and then you could make a post about that on Facebook, and some other humans will say they like that that happened. It's win-win. Here's a song:


Some of their other songs sound like they are trying to make the soundtrack to the next 8-bit Mega Man game to come out:


It should be pointed out that they sometimes sing:

Momoiro Clover Z Live

Momoiro Clover Z's 2013 tour can now be seen on Blu-ray and DVD. It's quite the steal. Only ¥5,800 on Blu-ray (about $60) plus tax! You don't need to watch this, but it is interesting to note that Momocuro seems to be starting some new age sect of Hinduism!

Also, I saw a clip of them on TV the other day that actually made me like them a little more. They went to a small fishing village in Aichi-ken all dressed up. The idea was to see if they could find their fans and to see if all the old folks there knew who they were. At one point, a bunch of young fans found them. One 18-year-old boy in particular was in love with one of them. He was encouraged to "confess" his love. (This is, I find, kind of a weird thing about Japanese, but telling someone you like them is a confession. Also, I think it might be more common to ask a couple, "Who confessed?" than, "Where did you meet?") Anyway, the boy started confessing the way you're supposed to. Basically, scream it like you're talking to a drill sergeant and then bow. One of the other members of Momoir Clover Z "kancho-ed" him. (Kancho literally means "enema" and involves sticking your two index fingers up the victim's butt). Everyone thought it was funny, but they pointed out that it was a bit strange for a 20-year-old celebrity to kancho an 18-year-old. Some things are true in any culture.

Hearsays

Japanese Indie Music Sundays

This is another band on Dead Funny Records. They're two guys and two music gals from Fukuoka. Their label says they sound like Liz Phair or the Breeders. I probably only know the singles, but I'm pretty sure they don't sound like Liz Phair. They definitely have an American 90s indies sound, though. Three of them have normal Japanese names, and the lead singer goes by Zebra. Zebra's English pronunciation is actually okay. Here's a song about blind people.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Family Party

Kyary's newest 8-bit single is about understanding what's important in life and staying with the people you love. I think that's why the video depicts her battling a robot in some sort of incomprehensible game. In the end, Kyary, the robot, and the effeminate referee are all winners... just like how families... space tournaments... demon dog... cake card.