Link Dump

Here's some crap to look at:

Girlbot likes this Delicare M's (M stands for men). It's a lotion to soothe and cool your itchy crotch.

There's apparently a school called Virgin Academia. It's supposed to help you lose your virginity, and the textbook is called Virgin Breaker. By the way, that reminds me of this Ecuadorian guy who many times asked me, "How many girls you breakin'? I breakin' 4 girls. How many you breakin'?" The schools "consept" is:
1. Virginity isn't the individual's problem, but rather a problem of society.
2. They want to give virgins an opportunity to study the knowledge and information they need.
3. They want to decrease the number of virgins (those who don't want to be virgins).

There was an interesting/morbid article about people who clean up dead people's apartment's. Specifically it's about people who died alone and weren't discovered for a long time. Apparently it's a booming business.

There hasn't been a lot of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu news on here lately, but she's still keeping it real.

👉🏻👈🏻 pic.twitter.com/J9PcRkjbnk

— きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ (@pamyurin) June 28, 2015

Be the first (and last) person you know to know who The Falsettos are. This song reminds me a bit of The Walkmen.

Kindan No Tasuketsu - GOGO!! Kung-fu Dance

I believe Kindan No Tasuketsu translates to Forbidden Majority Rule. They are on Space Shower Music's record label. I've shared a bunch of Space Shower TV stuff before. Like that Mowmow Lulu Gyaban video was from them. I guess check out this video.



Kindan No Tasuketsu often ties to make strange videos. I picked up several new dance moves here, but I pretty much already knew that making the "I'm dead inside" face while doing ridiculous moves is cool. That main punch to the side and then hump your way to the other side (which I assume in the titular kung-fu dance) is definitely going to be used by me a lot. Also of note, "LSD" flashes on the screen for a tenth of a second or so.

The young lady in the black kung fu outfit is Tentenko. She appears to be the lead singer, but she isn't actually in the band. She's a former member of BiS (Brand-new Idol Society), a group of idols that claimed to be anti-idols. They played more rock type stuff. None of this matters.

That guy pretending to be a drunken businessman usually goes by Hounoki (or sometimes Kuzunari Hounoki). I think he writes everything and makes all the videos. It's weird that this is the type of music he makes because on their soundcloud page they cover songs like Totally Confused by Beck and In the Mouth a Desert by Pavement. They're just straight covers, and, of course, they're much worse than the originals because a Japanese person is trying to sing in English. I love both those songs, and they're so different from everything I've heard Hounoki write.

Sour Cream and Onion Cheetos

Japanese Food Review #102

Of course it's a historic day in the U.S. with gay marriage becoming legal in all 50 states. It's all anyone is talking about, including the always cool/hilarious Chester Cheetah!

New Flamin’ Hot Mix-Ups are so good they’re disorienting. I couldn’t even remember what color my stripes were. Then I realized I have spots.

— Chester Cheetah (@ChesterCheetah) June 26, 2015

I hadn't realized that people were referring to gay marriage as "new flamin' hot mix-ups". Anyway, glad to hear Chester voice his support. It's amazing he can say something so moving that also makes us chuckle.

On a sad note, Cheetos in Japan pretty much suck. They have two standard flavors, cheese and bbq. They're both quite sweet for what is supposed to be a savory snack. It is an abomination. Also, it is my duty to let you, the readers, know that I have always enjoyed sour cream and onion snacks, and that will influence the score I giveth to these.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6.5  They were still a little sweet, but the sour cream and onion taste was good. They were the best Cheetos I've had in Japan.
Girlbot: 5  She's not huge on sour cream and onion.
Overall: 5.75

How to Score Hot Dudez

A lot of women write me asking for advice on how to find Mr. Right. It seems like all the macho guyz are already taken! But don't give up, ladies! Remember, guyz like NATURAL BEAUTIES! They also like girls who are passionate and approach everything they do with energy and spunk! And... why am I writing all this? Just mimic the girls in this video (every true dude'z image of the perfect lady), and you'll be just fine!

Takumi Kama

Let's admit it, these are strange times we live in. I mean, it's okay for a woman to be a woman, or for a man to be a woman, but for a man to be a REAL man? Apparently that's not acceptable in this modern world. Women are always saying that they want men to open up and share what they're thinking. But the second you tell them how you really feel, how you wish they were 16 or 17 years old..., and also maybe some sort of human-animal hybrid, all of a sudden you're "mentally unstable," and you "shouldn't be allowed near minors," and she "doesn't feel comfortable when you make eye-contact with her." Believe me, I learned the hard way not to share my true feelings with my better half.

Luckily, one artist is fighting back and depicting the world that all men wish were reality. His name is Takumi Kama, and he has completed his project entitled High School Animal Girls. You can see much of his art on his blog. Here's a taste of the pictures he has shared on twitter.

「豚女子 (Pig girl)」 2015／パネルに紙・鉛筆(pencil on panel)／273×220ｍｍ ファーストフードを食べ散らかす豚女子です。 手に持つハンバーガーがマックポークでは無いことを願います。 pic.twitter.com/yjM0PfBasE

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 28, 2015

「時間女子 (Deer girl)」(部分) 2015／パネルに紙・鉛筆(pencil on panel)／273×220ｍｍ pic.twitter.com/OBQOpHqT9u

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 11, 2015

「三猿女子(Three wise monkey girls)」(部分) 2015／パネルに紙・鉛筆(pencil on panel)／273×410ｍｍ 釜 匠 個展『女子高生物』 BAMI gallery 5/19～ pic.twitter.com/Lz9IuMhYwb

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 7, 2015

いよいよ来週19日から始まります！ pic.twitter.com/u20cRJqrle

— 釜匠 (@kama_takumi) May 12, 2015

Support this dude.

GREEN DA KA RA

Bossman: So we're increasing the size of the barley tea bottle. How are we going to let the public know?

Ron: Umm, I don't know, but I was thinking at the end, it could be a little girl waking up, and it was all a dream.

Kenji: Can I just point out that this is pretty much Ron's only suggestion ever.

Bossman: Still, a very intriguing concept. Any ideas about what happens before that, Ron?

Ron: Ahh, it's in Italy?

Kenji: I wonder if you thought of that because you just got back from your trip to Italy?

Bossman: Oh. yes! You must tell me about the trip at lunch today!

Ron: Sure thing, Bossman.

Bossman: Yes, this is sounding like a good commercial, but there should be something big... as a sort of metaphor for the larger bottle.

Kenji: ...Godzilla?

Bossman: Well, I don't want to get into my whole sexual history right now, but that's a no go for me. Any ideas, Ron?

Ron: ...Pig?

Kenji: Big makes you think of pigs?

Bossman: Wait, hear him out. Are you thinking of a giant, demon pig attacking an Italian village?

Ron: ...Yes?

Bossman: Hmm, we've definitely got something here.

Kenji: How about the little girl we used in the last grows really big to fight the pig?

Bossman: Yes! And then right before they do battle she... (points at Ron)

Ron: Drinks the tea thus gaining the ability to breathe fire!

Bossman: No, but I like that. Let's tack that on at the end. She's wakes up! It was all a dream!

Ron: Ha ha ha!

Salty Citrus of the Sun Gum

Japanese Gum Review #15

Unless you've been living under a rock or are not super interested in gum reviews, you've already heard the gum review that shocked the world.

My favorite gum is @juicyfruit... #ItsMy2Cents

— Larry King (@kingsthings) June 15, 2015

This, clearly, is the gum review to end all gum reviews. Here at the Times, we seriously considered getting out of the gum review biz (short for business) entirely. But, on the other hand, there are new gums constantly appearing, and there is a chance that Larry King is not an immortal vampire or something, so someone we may have to carry on the torch. Of course we'll never be at his level, but we must keeping battling, honing our gum review skills.

With that in mind...

We'll be looking at another limited edition Fit's gum, Salty Citrus of the Sun. I guess it's a summah gum. The citrus, I believe, is grapefruit, and while there is a saltiness to the gum, it is not overpowering. Honestly, it reminded me of salt water taffy, which I always hated as a child. For some reason I liked it here (guess I'm growing up). This might just be in my mind, but the texture of this was better than normal Fit's gum. It was a bit thicker and better for blowing bubbles.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7.5  A fun gum for the summah.
Girlbot: 5  She was happy it wasn't too salty, but she still wouldn't buy it again.
Overall: 6.25

Pasta Marketing

Sometimes it's so true what they say about no spaghetti. #nofilter

Mowmow Lulu Gyaban - Farewell Mankind

Likely no one recalls the Times article about Mowmow Lulu Gyaban from three years ago. Anyway, they're funny/entertaining, and they've made a very solid video called さらば人類 or Farewell Mankind. Please enjoy.



It's not completely radical until 30 seconds in or so.

Umm, also here's a picture of the three member band:

モーモー対バンツアーにキュウソ、POLY、tricot、ACCが参加 http://t.co/WMHQua3q2f pic.twitter.com/2JiLyMms97

— 音楽ナタリー (@natalie_mu) June 17, 2015

Wasabi & Soy Sauce Doritos

Japanese Food Review #101

I know that I recently said that I don't like Doritos, but those were Royal Doritos and these are just the normal type. It turns out I don't really like these either. I guess they were pretty good for Doritos. They're no Nacho Cheese, though. The wasabi taste was strong and a little spicy. I couldn't really pick up on the soy sauce flavor. It was just salty. Why am I trying to explain this? The samurai dude on the package does a perfect job:

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5
Girlbot: 4  She does not like wasabi, but she was happy that these weren't too spicy.
Overall: 4.5

New Name for Car Wash

I saw this truck delivering a car wash the other day.

I noticed they had a pretty cool name for the car wash.

Can we all agree that this is what we'll car washes from now on? I mean, you can say just "car beautician" or "car wash machine" for short, but... I don't know, tell people saying only "car wash" is some sort of ethnic slur or something. Let's make the world a better place to live in for our children!

Super Viral Meme #4

Super Mario and Luigi Gum

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of Super Mario Bros., Nintendo has teamed up with Lotte to make special Mario gum. Makes sense. Let's take a look at both gums.

Japanese Gum Review #13

The title of this gum is Mario's Invincible Star. You probably already guessed that this is code for ginger ale. First off, thumbs up to Fit's for the packaging. Secondly, it doesn't taste like ginger ale. It kind of tasted like lime to me. This made me furious, because limes are green and Mario is red. Still steaming about this one.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  Not horrible.
Girlbot: 5  She thought it tasted like lemon. Also, she initially gave it a 7, but after tasting the Luigi gum, she changed her mind.
Overall: 5

Japanese Gum Review #14

This gum is called Luigi's Unlimited 1-Ups. This is in reference to jumping on that turtle forever to get 1-ups. Of course jumping on a turtle tastes like melon soda, which is pretty popular in Japan, especially with kids. This gum, in my opinion, was good and did taste like melon soda. Girlbot said it tasted like soda, which is an awful flavor often used in children's candy here. It reminded her of her childhood.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7  Luigi is cooler than Mario.
Girlbot: 5  She tried this and said it was very good and then gave it a 5. Then I questioned why she gave it a worse score than the Mario gum, and her reaction was to knock the Mario gum down to 5. So they're equal? Even though she said Luigi's is better? Yes.
Overall: 6

Curry Meshi Comercial

I think if you're making a commercial for a microwavable curry and rice product, there's pretty much a formula that everybody is expecting. Nissin does not stray from this at all.



It's all right, but I wish they tried to be a little more creative. Also, a little more action would help. I honestly question this commercial's ability to cause seizures.

Beautiful Poem

Does anyone remember which Shakespeare play this poem is from?

On an unrelated note, I was asked to speak at Girlbot's brother's wedding. He asked me to say something in English, and then he would kind of make up a translation in Japanese. This was fine because no one there could understand English at all. Part of the speech went something like this:

You know, I used to always be saying crazy things like, "Bros before hoes," and, "He who smelt it dealt it," but Tetsuya was never like that. He was always on a higher level, and he reached down and pulled me up. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be here today if it weren't for him. Thank you, dear brother Tetsuya.

I don't know why I just shared that, but... yeah.

Handsome Gorilla in Nagoya Zoo

I wouldn't qualify this as actually being news or even a topic people are talking about, but some folks on the internet believe this gorilla at the Higashiyama Zoo in Nagoya is very handsome. There's a little buzz on twitter and he even appeared on the local news.

This yummy hunk of man-gorilla meat is named Shabani. Some have compared him to themselves or other celebrities like soccer player Yoshito Okubo.

@masami_t_cnr サッカーの大久保嘉人選手がこんなツイートで話題になってますが砂川ゴリラの出番ですかね？ 最近ネットで話題のイケメンゴリラが人間のオレよりイケメンと聞いたから比べてみた。 完敗。。。 pic.twitter.com/p2soOg0kha

— きの (@kino__onik) May 22, 2015

So what do you say? Would you let this gorilla have his way with you?

Super Viral Meme #3

Sometimes things are just so true so it's just so fun!

Viral Meme #2

People can't get enough of these fun memes!

Bayside Calmo

Hmm... Bayside Calmo. West Coast makes you better life. Intriguing, but I usually like to know a shop's concept before walking in. What's that? Look at the sign next to this one? Okay, simply redirecting my eyeballs, and...

Oh, okay. I can get behind that. Now all I have to do is manipulate my legs to enter the store.

Meme Time

I've been getting a lot of advice about how to make the Times the go to site for humans. It turns out that the answer is memes. The memes are the future and fun. So from time to time I'll try to make the memes for you! Here's the first one!

Feel free to make this go viral. I know old ladies like cats. Maybe email it to them.

Three Worst Snacks

There were four snacks that tied for fourth with a score of 1. Let's take a look at the three snacks that scored below that. There was also a tie at number two.

Number 2 (A):  Gourmet Anchovy and Garlic Doritos

Date: 7/3/2012

Score: 0

Notes: I don't really remember this. It says neither of us could finish a chip. Sounds pretty bad.









Number 2 (B): Japanese Spaghetti Popsicle

Date: 3/25/2014

Score: 0

Notes: This I remember very well. The sugary tomato soup taste was gross, as were the tomato jelly chunks inside.









Number 1: Pepsi Cheetos

Date: 7/9/2013

Score: -2.5

Notes: I actually gave all three of these snacks a score of 0 because I thought negative scores were not possible. However, I'm pleased that Girlbot gave these a -5 score. They were clearly the worst snack and tasted like poison.

Top Five Snacks

It should come as no surprise that we're still just going crazy here at the Times after reviewing the 100th snack. You can see at the top that we have finally unveiled a "Snack Standings" tab, and we thought it might be "fun" to look at the top five snacks thus far.

Number 5: Butter Chicken Curry Jagarico

Date: 4/29/2015

Score: 8

Notes: This was the most recent snack to break into the top five. Also, this snack received a score of 9 from me, Gaybot, making it the highest ranked snack for me in the top 5. This limited edition snack is already out of the stores.






Number 4: Caramel Pudding Yukimi Daifuku

Date: 11/12/2013

Score: 8.25

Notes: Girlbot gave this a perfect 10, whereas I gave it a 6.5. That is the lowest score any of the snacks in the top five received. This is another limited edition snack, but I think it might come back in the winter.

Number 3: Haagen-Dazs Murasaki Imo

Date: 10/19/2013

Score: 8.5

Notes: Girlbot gave it a 9, but said she would have given it a 10 if weren't for the hefty price tag, so this could have placed even higher. It is yet another limited addition snack, and it did come back last year. We bought it and enjoyed it again. Solid snack.





Number 2: Hokkaido Ramen (Soy Sauce)

Date: 5/9/2013

Score: 8.75

Notes: This is the only non-limited edition snack to break into the top five. It's another that got a score of 10 from Girlbot. I also agree that the ramen is pretty good, but I'm still more into the package and try to say "ripe 'n' dry" as often as I can.






Number 1: Cheesecake Ice Cream Mochi

Date: 1/19/2013

Score: 9

Notes: This limited edition treat came back again last winter as well. The date is the earliest in the top five and happens to be Dadbot's birthday. Truly is a small world! Girlbot again gave this a 10. I believe I wrote about this later, but I bought this snack a month or two after this and gave one to Girlbot. I didn't ask her to rate it, but she told me she would give it a 6. She had no idea she had ever had it before. Anyway, it is quite good.

Gari Gari Kun Genki Drink

Japanese Food Review #100

Wow. 100. Obviously there have been a lot of tear-filled speeches today given by myself to a mirror. Umm, I want to thank Girlbot for all of her hard work. Couldn't have done it without you... unless maybe if I got a chicken that randomly pecked at the numbers 1-10. That probably would have also worked, but thank you. I also want to thank the two or three of you who bothered to comment on the food reviews. It's really good to know that you think I'm an idiot. I guess that covers everyone. Let's get to the review.

We have looked at a couple other Gari Gari Kun popsicles before, the spaghetti version and the stew one. They were both horrible. Today we are looking at the genki drink flavor popsicle. Genki drink means energy drink. They're slightly different in Japan, but this is basically Red Bull flavor. The popsicle doesn't contain any bull semen or even caffeine. It did, however, have both apple and pineapple juice.

It smelled like an energy drink, and the first taste did provide that sort of weird energy drink aftertaste. But the more I ate, the more it tasted just like fake pineapple, or maybe some tropical popsicle.

Ratings:  
Gaybot: 6  It wasn't bad and for the price, ¥66, it is a great value.
Girlbot: 7  She said it reminded her of when she was in high school and drank a lot of energy drinks.
Overall: 6.5