Deep Fried Construction Company

When you think of kids, the first thing that pops into your head is probably "deep fried food" and "construction". So why did it take so long to combine the two? This is another one of those vending machine toys with five normal types and one special, mystery toy.

I got the backhoe, or whatever this is. I don't care that much about construction equipment because I'm not a child anymore.

And here's the paper showing all the possible toys. The secret fried construction equipment looks like a tank? So much fun!

Beautiful Poem

Does anyone remember which Shakespeare play this poem is from?

On an unrelated note, I was asked to speak at Girlbot's brother's wedding. He asked me to say something in English, and then he would kind of make up a translation in Japanese. This was fine because no one there could understand English at all. Part of the speech went something like this:

You know, I used to always be saying crazy things like, "Bros before hoes," and, "He who smelt it dealt it," but Tetsuya was never like that. He was always on a higher level, and he reached down and pulled me up. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be here today if it weren't for him. Thank you, dear brother Tetsuya.

I don't know why I just shared that, but... yeah.

Dog Bread

This is another vending machine toy called inu-pan, meaning dog bread. There are six types in all.

It says the intended age for this product is 15 and older. I think it's probably true that a lot of 14-year-olds just don't get dog bread, you know? And also they might choke on it or get weird ideas. I had to tell my 2-year-old, "No! Maybe I'll let you touch it in 13 years. We'll see how mature you are then. This isn't some kind of toy! This is dog bread! Adults only!"

Let's take a closer look at the six types of dog bread.

Obviously the top three are the really high quality bread dogs. The doughnut one is cool as well, but what's with two waffle dogs? They're not even in the waffles. I really think they just put in a couple crap ones so if you get one of them, you feel like you have to buy another.

And wouldn't you know it, just my luck, I got a waffle dog. I'd even say it's the worse of the two waffle dogs.

I suppose I might get another one if I find myself drunk and with extra coins at the grocery store.

Kinniku Man Toy

I used to collect muscle man toys as a kid, so I was very aroused to find this toy. I think it's really cool that there's an earphone jack for each of the toys. I love pushing my toys in and out of my phone. Also, they chose a really nice color for the plug. It isn't too distracting and fits right in.

There are five different toys showing finishing "holds" in all. Check out the lineup:

I was hoping for the top one that makes me feel like a real man, but I got the second best one.

It's called the toilet flush. This guy is a urinal and is murdering someone. It's fun! Oh, and I'm pretty sure he has a poop hat on. I'm so glad I was able to find more poop news for the blog.

Canned Beverage

Like most guyz the only thing I care about concerning the selection of canned beverages in a vending machine is that they are outstanding, at least among others. I don't know, boyz will be boyz, I guess.

Japanese Food Review #33: Boss Coffee Candy

Unless you've been living under a rock, you're well aware that the 20th anniversary of Boss Coffee has come and gone. They made this special bag of assorted coffee candies to commemorate the momentous occasion. You don't often see bags of candy that are made to look like a coffee vending machine. There are four mouth watering flavors: blended, slightly sweetened, black, and cafe ole. The cafe ole wasn't horrible, but black tasted like someone licked a stale coffee bean and rolled it in some sweet and low. That, only more chemically.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 2
Girlbot: 1
Overall: 1.5

Vending Machine Store

I went into a store that only had toy vending machines. It was a really oddly shaped store. You can probably on see a fifth of it in the picture. In the back corner I found this:

It's a girls underpants machine. The cartoon girl is saying, "Please buy...my panties..." At the bottom it says it's new underwear and costs 300 yen. I guess you would buy this if you were too embarrassed to buy women's underwear from a department store. It also says you have to be 18 to buy it. I'm not really sure why, plus this store has zero employees, so I'm guessing a ton of 15-year-old boys shop here. Notice it's sold out. At least they weren't used. Still pretty weird.

Beverage Poetry

Sometimes you forget how truly special 70 yen instant coffee from a vending machine is. After reading this, I can't help but think, "Who cares about wars and AIDS. I've got a delightful melon soda to enjoy."

The Ugliest Vending Machine in the World?

I couldn't tell if this was supposed to look like stone or plywood.