Robot Baseball... Jackie Robotson?????

In the 90s, many believed that the game Super Baseball 2020 was simply science-fiction. Their small brains couldn't understand how much human brains yearn for the day when men, women, and robots, yes robots, all compete in a futuristic baseball match. Also, home runs should only count if you hit it to center. There should be like glass or something covering the crowd so the ball falls back into play. That would be awesome. Also, why doesn't baseball have "stop zones" where the ball automatically stops yet?

Well, it seems that we may only be six short years from seeing games played at Cyber Egg Stadium (such a cool name)!


It's cool that they even made it look like a 90s video. It's good to know that there are at least a few dedicated scientists trying to answer the question, "Can I devote my entire life to making something no one wants at all?"

Mustard Chips (No Spice No Life)

Japanese Food Review #92

You're likely all aware that my mantra is, "No spice no life." It's pretty much running through my head all the time, and, yes, on more than a few occasions I've ended up screaming it at an unsuspecting stranger. Well, imagine my surprise to find it written on a bag of chips! That wasn't the first thing I noticed, however. That would be that young, sweaty, Hitler-like character clutching some mustard. This bag has everything you'd want.

It's made by Calbee, which, if you wrote out the Japanese in English, would actually be Karubii. But here on this bag in giant writing it reads, "Karabii." This is because they've combined "karaii" (spicy) with Calbee. It's super witty and fun.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 8  This may be a little high, but they were very good. They really tasted like spicy mustard and were still that same high-quality Calbee chip.
Girlbot: 7 She said they were better than she had expected.
Overall: 7.5

Kikagaku Moyo

Kikagaku Moyo (meaning "Geometric Patterns") is a Japanese band. In an interview for the Austin Psych Fest, their drummer claims they don't fit into one genre of music. On the other hand, they have a sitar player in the band. Not a dude that can play the sitar but usually plays guitar... A sitar player. In the same interview, he says the name comes from one of the first nights they were playing together. They jammed all night in the dark, and he could see geometric patterns behind his eyelids. "We were between sleep and awake..." Anyway, I think it's safe to say they're a 60s psychedelic revivalist band... or something.

They came out with their first EP in 2013 and have two out this year. This is from the latest, Forest of Lost Children. It's worth listening to the whole thing.

Premium 4 (Hard Gay)

Pizza Hut wowed the world with their cat employee campaign. What could they possibly do for an encore? Get Razor Ramon HG, of course. Razor Ramon is a comedian and former wrestler. He's got a really creative name. You see, he took the name of a famous, American wrestler, Razor Ramon, and combined it with HG. That counts as a new name, right? Oh, and HG stands for hard gay.

The ad is for Pizza Hut's 4 pizza (now called the Premium 4). It's a pizza with 4 different parts. The voice over says, "The 4 up until now," and Mr. Hard Gay repeats the line. Then they say, "The Premium 4," and now he's got a super cool cape on. Basically, if you had the choice between some random guy and a guy with a cape, who would you choose? If you didn't choose the cape, you're an idiot.

Regain Energy Drink

This commercial is for Regain, an energy drink that helps you work. I guess if you drink it, it's kind of like having a demon woman shoot a large amount of electricity into your body. She's pretty good looking, so it's totally worth it.

The demon woman is played by a model named Sumire. She's actually depicting an 80s manga character named Lam from the comic Urusei Yatsura. Lam was a demon alien who could fly and make electricity, so the ad makes perfect sense.

Fiorucci Happy!!

The Italians have finally figured out how to get Japanese teens to support the Confederacy.

Coacher

Bossman: Oh these signs! We've got to get up these signs!
Underling: Excuse me, sir? I have a question about one of the signs.
Bossman: For the 500th time, they all go on the wall!
Underling: Yes, I understand, but this coacher and mascot one...
Bossman: The wall, damn you!
Underling: It's just, I know the verb "play" is "player" in its noun form, but I feel like their might be a more common noun than coacher. Would you like me to check?
Bossman: Listen grammar boy, no one is going to care because they can't see the sign because it's not on the wall!
Underling: I have my phone here. It would probably take me five seconds to check.
Bossman: If a signs not up... it's not a sign! You can't read something that's not a sign, get it!?
Underling: I'll get the sign up right away, bosser! 

Pink Beer

I've often complained that, "Beer isn't really that cute," and, "Beer is almost alway identifiable as beer," but that has all changed thanks to Asahi's new pink beer! It's actually a happoshu (low malt beer) and not a true beer. This one boasts that it has 50% less sugar. I thought I'd probably need to add a couple spoonfuls of sugar, but it turned out to be okay without it. It says the drink contains rose hip, so theoretically that's why it's pink. It also calls itself a "beer cocktail" and says it smell of hops. Surprisingly, it wasn't bad. I usually hate happoshu, and this wasn't good, but it tasted like there were some hops in it instead of just tasting like a somehow worse version of Coors Light.

Poop Bread

The Times traveled to Korea to bring you this story. One should note that the food reported upon is not Japanese and is therefore ineligible to be a part of the Japanese Food Review series.

People often claim that Japan is a world leader in edible poop, but it seems that the Koreans are quickly catching up.

These were being sold at an outdoor stand in Seoul. They're called dong pang, or dong bang, or tong pang, or something (I don't speak Korean). Dong is a word for poop, and pang is a word for bread. Apparently Korean poop looks just like Japanese poop and just like soft serve ice cream in the rest of the world. These were similar to tai-yaki, the treat that's shaped like a fish and usually filled with sweet red beans (anko). The poop was filled with the beans and had a little bit of walnut as well. Nothing special. It was pretty good. They were only $1.
Guess I'd give it a 5.

They had a sign that said Dong-tteria and looks like a Lotteria sign. Lotteria is basically a Korean McDonald's and is also quite successful in Japan.

JA Bank 2014

There's a new edition of one of my favorite Japanese commercials. The song is just two lines repeated over and over:

Winter saving is JA.
Winter is the season for saving.

This song is so true. Humans are kind of like squirrels, and squirrels are famous for spending all their acorns on fireworks and whores in the fall. Then they spend all winter saving up the bountiful winter gifts nature offers them. You almost never hear about squirrels doing cocaine at one of their frugal holiday parties, just like us humans. So you should open a savings account at this particular bank now, though, yeah, it's not winter yet.