Banana Potato Chips

Japanese Food Review #103

These are made by Koikeya. They are a major company, but anyone in the Japanese snack game knows they are a poor man's Calbee's. They have produced three fruit flavored potato chips this year, peach, mandarin, and, the type we will be examining today, banana.

There is a "press release" on the Koikeya website explaining that they would like their fruit chips to become the "4th breakfast" joining bread, rice, and granola. They said they noticed that pancakes (perhaps considered a bread?) and granola are very popular with people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. We all know that children and people over 50 hate pancakes. Anyway, they discovered that both pancakes and granola are often eaten with fruit! So why not spray chips with banana powder?!

While the bag says "banana powder was used", I couldn't detect any real banana flavor. I guess I'm not sure what banana powder means, but it was just that very fake banana taste. If you want to taste this and don't live in Japan, maybe grate some banana laffy taffy over some chips and enjoy. It was that exact flavor. That sounds awful, and it was, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't eat it. I had two chips. I could have eaten the whole bag, but the thought, "What the hell am I doing?" came to mind, and I stopped.

I think the recipe they share on the back is also of interest.

It's marshmallow banana toast. You put marshmallows, bananas, and banana potato chips on toast and cover it in chocolate sauce. I think it's for people that are worried eating only chips for breakfast is unhealthy. They say the crunchy chips and fluffy marshmallows go well together.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 2.5  Again, I could eat it.
Girlbot: 1  She noted that the banana flavor is very strong when you first put it in your mouth, but it fades away and then only tastes like a chip.
Overall: 1.75

KFC Potato Chips

Japanese Food Review #95

I know you're all thinking, "Didn't you already review these in November of 2012?" You really all are idiots, aren't you? We reviewed salty ginger KFC chips last time. These are boneless crunchy salt KFC chips. We gave the ginger chips a rating of 3.5 and concluded that the Colonel was spinning in his grave. Will the Calbee chip scientists fair better this time around?

First off, I don't know why they chose to simulate boneless chicken if they wanted to make them crunchy. Bones are the crunchiest part, right? The chips were a little spicy and had a lot of black pepper on them. I haven't been to KFC in awhile, but this never used to be a staple of their product. There was a bit of a chicken taste, but it didn't bring KFC to mind. It was similar to the chicken flavoring in cheap instant ramen.

Ratings: 
Gaybot: 5  I like black pepper chips, but Calbee's plain black pepper chips are much better than these.
Girlbot: 0  She couldn't eat these, and she loves potato chips. She said they were too spicy and tasted bad.
Overall: 2.5

Ladies and gentlemen..., he's still spinning.

Mustard Chips (No Spice No Life)

Japanese Food Review #92

You're likely all aware that my mantra is, "No spice no life." It's pretty much running through my head all the time, and, yes, on more than a few occasions I've ended up screaming it at an unsuspecting stranger. Well, imagine my surprise to find it written on a bag of chips! That wasn't the first thing I noticed, however. That would be that young, sweaty, Hitler-like character clutching some mustard. This bag has everything you'd want.

It's made by Calbee, which, if you wrote out the Japanese in English, would actually be Karubii. But here on this bag in giant writing it reads, "Karabii." This is because they've combined "karaii" (spicy) with Calbee. It's super witty and fun.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 8  This may be a little high, but they were very good. They really tasted like spicy mustard and were still that same high-quality Calbee chip.
Girlbot: 7 She said they were better than she had expected.
Overall: 7.5

Gurapote Review

Japanese Food Review #88

Gurapote is short for granola potato chip (because you can't say "gra" in Japanese). The bag says it is full of granola and is a non-fried chip high in iron and fiber. It seems pretty healthy. The top three ingredients are potato, oil, and sugar. Today we'll be examining their orange cocoa flavor.

The chips are very light and are not salty at all. They're pretty sweet. They seemed more like healthy potato cookies than a chip.The chocolate flavor was stronger than the orange. I guess I wouldn't have realized granola had anything to do with the chips if I hadn't seen the bag. I thought I wouldn't like these, but we ate the entire (quite small) bag very quickly.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6 There's a possibility I'll buy them again. I at least am interested in trying the other flavors.
Girlbot: 4 They were better than she expected, and she would eat them if offered to her, but she will never purchase a bag herself.
Overall: 5

Consomme Punch Review

Japanese Food Review #87

I'm sure you are all aware that Natbot reported that Sharbot would like to read a review of a snack that Girlbot enjoys. First, a bit of a spoiler..., this is that review! A heated discussion was had before selecting this snack, for most of the snacks Girlbot enjoys are snacks that I, Gaybot, also enjoy. Also, most of the snacks she likes are pretty boring, like salt-flavor potato chips.

Anyway, consommé is one of the most common chip flavors in Japan. You know that soup you never choose to eat? Maybe you'd like it in chip form? The bag claims it is "the delicious taste you'll never tire of." Calbee chose to add the word "panchi" or "punch" presumably because it has a lot of flavor and not because it makes you want to punch pillows to get out all that pent up anger you have for your gerbils or whatever. I must say, Consumme Punch commercials are among the finest I've ever seen. There are a bunch of them and none of them make any sense. Please search for more yourself.

The first time I tried them I thought they were awful. I've actually avoided eating them the last couple of years even though they're almost always offered at parties and the likes. Perhaps the taste was just too foreign at the time, but they're really not that bad. For Girlbot, this was her favorite snack as a child. In the past, she would have given them a 10.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4  Again, they are not awful, but I can't imagine choosing to buy these.
Girlbot: 9  She thinks it's a sign of becoming an adult that she only gives these a 9 now.
Overall: 6.5

Bacon Mustard Deepo Review

Japanese Food Review #86

There has been a lot of "buzz" about Calbee's new brand of thick potato chips. You'll recall that Girlbot and I didn't have a favorable view of the first round of Deepo chips. Well, Calbee reacted quickly by producing a new flavor: bacon-mustard. Of course, bacon-mustard is a flavor we're all very familiar with. It's probably been around since the time of Moses. Could the Calbee scientists really capture this traditional flavor in chip form? Um, yeah, I guess. The mustard was of a spicy variety and there was kind of a pork flavor in there as well.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6  I thought it was an above average chip. The flavor was somehow familiar and interesting. Not great, though.
Girlbot: 3  She wouldn't get them again. Also, she felt the spice wasn't properly mixed. Some chips were quite spicy while others were bland. She preferred the spicy ones. Get on that Calbee!
Overall: 4.5

Wasabi and Cream Cheese Chip Review

Japanese Food Review #83

This is another of Calbee's limited edition potato chips. Which reminds me:

Q: What did the psychologist flower say to the sexually unfulfilled flower?

A: Call-bee.

Seriously though, if anyone knows how I could get in contact with a popsicle stick factory... I would be perfect for a job there, and I just really need this right now.

I've never had actual wasabi mixed with cream cheese, but it did sound like an interesting combination. As it turned out, while I could taste both, the flavoring was pretty light. It was kind of the poor man's sour cream and onion (not to be sexist or anything).

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6  It should be noted that I'm a big sour cream and onion man.
Girlbot: 5  She said it was too so-so. I forgot to tell her that phrase doesn't really make sense.
Overall: 5.5

Apple Pie Potato Chips Review

Japanese Food Review #82

We all learned in history class that Johnny Appleseed was a real human with oh so many blisters upon his feet, but what your junior high teacher didn't tell you is that he was a horrible sex addict. Apparently after Johnny reached his goal of "American pie-ing" a lady in every state, he started trying to knock every continent of the list. I wonder if he knew that his sex vacation in Japan would someday lead to apple pie potato chips. I'm going to guess that a great man like him probably knew this was coming. For shame, Mr. Appleseed!

Anyway, Calbee is making a series of chips with famous flavors of different regions in Japan. Everyone knows that northern Honshu is famous for apple pies, so why not make it in chip form?

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3.5  It's really not that bad. The sweet apple taste is pretty faint and there's only a little salt. Also, the bag said there would be a cinnamon flavor, but that was even fainter. Surprisingly edible.
Girlbot: 4  She said it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good.
Overall: 3.75

Teriyaki Chicken Pizza Potato Chips Review

Japanese Food Review #81

Calbee has finally gotten around to making a pizza potato chip with everyone's favorite topping: teriyaki chicken. Like all Calbee pizza chips, there are globs of cheese on every chip. I'm very ashamed to admit this, but I don't believe I've ever actually had real teriyaki chicken pizza, so I don't know what exactly it should taste like. Apparently it has seaweed and mayonnaise on top.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  It tasted like a teriyaki chicken chip. The cheese flavor was very faint, and there didn't seem to be any other flavors.
Girlbot: 3  She only had one chip and wasn't impressed.
Overall: 4

Deepo Habanero Cheese Review

Japanese Food Review #79

Calbee's latest chip sensation is called Deepo. Unless you're an idiot, you've already figured out that they got the name by combining the "dee" from "deep cut" and the "po" from "potato chips." It's just one of those things that makes you wonder why no one ever thought of this before. Right now there are only two flavors, rock salt and habanero cheese. We will be reviewing the latter today. I think both kinds are pretty extreme based on the commercials.





I had to try them for the same reason I only drank Surge for three years; I want babes to like me. I've been spending a lot of time trying to climb trees super fast in the hopes that someone walks along and says those magic words, "Okay, that's deepo!" So far I've just gotten a few strange looks from elderly passersby.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3.5  I guess the thick chip was okay. They tasted like chili powder, but they weren't spicy. I couldn't really taste the cheese. Huge disappointment.
Girlbot: 3  She didn't like them.
Overall: 3.25

Kagome Ketchup Chips Review

Japanese Food Review #76

Kagome makes the most popular ketchup in Japan, and they've finally teamed up with Calbee to make a chip I might not have to dip in ketchup (or I could go for double the ketchup). This chip really did taste just like ketchup and somehow managed to not be awful. It could have been renamed McDonald's fries flavor, and I would've bought it. So, it's like eating fast food fries, but worse.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4.5 Again, surprisingly ok.
Girlbot: 7  She says she would be fine with buying them again someday. Apparently that earns them a 7.
Overall: 5.75

Meat Flavored Chip Week: Part 2

If you missed part 1, trust me, you're going to be completely lost here. Do yourself a favor and scroll down a bit.

Japanese Food Review 5: Beef and Bacon Chips

 

Here's another entry from the Calbee corporation. These are called "double rich grill" because of the two meat flavors. I like how there's a picture of bacon being grilled. If you're thinking that these are surefire great tasting chips, then you're an idiot. They're awful. I couldn't even really distinguish a beef or bacon flavor. I guess if you mixed beef and bacon in a blender it might not taste so good. I don't know, let me know if you've ever tried that.

Ratings

gaybot: 2

girlbot: 1.5

overall: 1.75

Hot meat flavored chips are dominating meat flavored chip week thus far.

Meat Flavored Chip Week: Part 1

I've been coming up with so many great ideas lately. It kind of makes me think that God is speaking directly through me. Anyway, this week there will be more than one Japanese Food Review. So...

Japanese Food Review 4: Hot Meat Chips

  7-11 and Monster Hunter have teamed up with Calbee to produce hot meat flavored potato chips. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, what a dream team." I have to agree with you, though I don't really know what Monster Hunter is. Apparently it's some game (video game?) and hot meat appears in it. I'm not sure if hot meat is a character or just some food in the game. Either way, it sounds delicious. It also sounds like a nickname veteran prisoners give to the newbies.

Upon biting into my first hot meat flavored potato chip, I realized that hot meant spicy and wasn't referring to a temperature. I guess I thought it was going to taste like cooked meat (by the way Calbee, when are you going to come out with raw meat flavor?). Anyway, there was an explosion of spicy meat and potatoes in my mouth. It was wonderful.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7
Girlbot: 8
Overall: 7.5
  These are going to be pretty tough to beat in meat flavored chip week.

Japanese Food Review 3: Luxurious Vanilla Potato Chips

The top of the package reads, "Potato Chips Zeitaku Vanilla," and zeitaku means luxury or extravagance. The company Calbee makes, in my humble opinion, the best potato chips in Japan. Again, they experiment with new flavors all of the time. These chips are designed for the summer. Calbee suggests that you cool them in the refrigerator before eating (which I did). This flavor combination seemed like a horrible idea to me. Pouring vanilla ice cream over potato chips doesn't sound all that extravagant. It's more the type of thing I would expect a child with a learning disability to do, but I trust the fine workers at the Calbee plant.

My first thought upon biting into a chip was that they are surprisingly edible. They did a fairly good job matching the sweet and salty flavors. I think I was expecting more vanilla. Cooling the chips actually seemed to help. Girlbot only got through half a chip. The ratings...

gaybot-4
girlbot-0
overall-2

I would say that if you like sweet and salty treats, you should try these out. Otherwise you can skip this one.