Noah

This is the Noah Shelter. You're supposed to have it sit in your yard and then get in it if a tsunami comes. Then you repopulate the world or something. I live several miles inland on the third floor of an apartment building, but I'm still thinking about investing $6000 in this and making it the centerpiece of my living room. Here's a video of it in action.

The Colonel Wishes You a Merry Christmas

I think many people know that KFC chicken is considered a traditional Christmas dinner in Japan. You can actually pre-order your Kentucky Christmas bucket in October. Here's a look at a couple of the menus being offered:

It's got everything you'd expect to find on Christmas: a bucket of chicken, a special collectors edition Christmas plate, a Christmas salad, and a chocolate cake.

Recently, other restaurants are challenging KFC's monopoly. One popular alternative is Lotteria.

They offer a much more traditional looking Christmas cake. Also, they've swapped out the Christmas salad for french fries, pigs in a blanket, and french toast. Looks like Lotteria has won this round. Your move KFC. Kentucky Christmas 2013 better be something extra special.

Merry Xmas from Space Shower TV

A very special station id from Space Shower TV. I'm sure Jesus is up in heaven smiling about being honored in such a special way. I recommend putting this video on a loop at all your holiday parties this year.

Snow Angels

It's not always easy living in a foreign country, but it is cool being able to convince people that face down snow angels are part of your culture.

Shinzo Abe

 Photo from wikimedia commons                                                                   

There's going to be an election in Japan on December 16th. It is thought that the prime minister will almost surely be Shinzo Abe. I have read, however, that over 40% of voters are undecided, but only about 10% say they support the current party in power. Anyway, I thought I should share some fun facts about Mr. Abe.

*Abe was prime minister of Japan once already from 2006-2007 (a few weeks short of a year).

*Abe was wildly unpopular as the prime minister, and his administration was wrought with scandals. Among them: 

   1. The minister of health gave a speech in which he repeatedly referred to women as baby making machines. (I know what you're thinking, "What's the big deal?" But even though that phrase sounds perfectly natural in English, I guess it sounds a little rude in the original Japanese.)

   2. One cabinet member committed suicide.

   3. Another cabinet member was involved in a political funding scandal.

   4. In response to these problems, Abe created a new cabinet. A week later another member was involved in a financial scandal.

*Abe doesn't believe that "comfort women" in WWII were forced to "comfort" Japanese soldiers' "private parts."

*Abe claims that he resigned not because of his unpopularity, but because of his chronic diarrhea. (I've read a couple different places that he had to go over 30 times a day). Since then, he has found a new medicine and has his illness under control. I'm sure it won't resurface after he's a wildly unpopular prime minister again.

*His grandfather, Nobusuke Kishi, was prime minister in the late 1950s. Kishi was arrested and accused of being a class A war criminal, but was not convicted, so I'm sure he did nothing wrong in the war. (I'm still having trouble figuring out why China hates Japan).

So, in conclusion, he seems like a really good guy and he promises to take a hard stance against China. Maybe our dreams of participating in WWIII will be realized. I think Abe is kind of like the Abe Lincoln of Japan. I mean, both of their names are Abe (though pronounced differently), and they were both forced to leave office before their time (one by being shot in the head, and one from the runs. Same diff.).      

   

An Ashtray with a Heart of Gold

Looks like lung cancer is going to be a thing of the past in Japan thanks to this invention.

Gatsby

This is the stylish alien who likes style and women. He begins to tell us that he met a strange person when he went to buy Gatsby's Moving Rubber (a hair wax, I'm guessing it has something to do with condoms), but then the door closes. First he scolds the woman and makes her open the door. Then he says she's cute and asks her to close it. I think they're going to do it. Here's another Gatsby commercial.

I can't tell you how much I wish I could report that I'm one of those white dudez.

Ultra Tiger

The ultra tiger is back, in Parisian cafe form! In Japanese, ultra is pronounced u-ru-to-ra. Tora also means tiger, so it's super witty to have a dancing uru-tiger. The name of the computer is ultrabook, and they're just singing about how it can be both a computer and a tablet.

Japanese Food Review #28: Rich Pizza Flavor Bebits

Baby Star Ramen is a ramen chip snack. Basically, it's like eating dried, flavored ramen. It's not all that bad. Now they also make Bebits. I believe this is a combination of baby and bits. In America, I imagine the name might be translated to bits o' baby, or something like that. They're advertised as bite-sized Baby Star, which doesn't make sense since Baby Star is already bite-size. This is actually crushed Baby Star Ramen stuck together:

Looks like a mentally disabled person tried to make miniature hockey pucks out of puppy vomit, right? The container is made to look like cup ramen, and there is actually a warning telling you not to pour boiling water in it.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5  The taste was pretty good, but it costs more than a bag of chips, has a bit of a strange texture, and looks disgusting.
Girlbot: 3  She prefers the original Baby Star 'chicken soup' flavor.
Overall: 4

The Japanese S Sound

The Japanese have an s sound in their language. I think everyone knows this. Even if you know only a few Japanese words (Sayonara, Gaybot-san, etc.) you have heard it. However, the s sound can not be joined with the vowel i. I know this is true in Korean as well and probably some other languages. For example, a Japanese person might try to say, "Sit down!" but will instead produce, "Shit down!" This, of course, is hilarious and need not be corrected. Still, some people ask me what the difference between "see" and "she" is.
     "You can say set, right?"
     "Set."
     "Right, so just take that same beginning sound and then say ee. So, see."
     "She."
     "Uh, ssss-ee."
     "Ssss-she."
     "Uh, better."
I've tried telling people that when you say sh, your tongue doesn't touch anything, but when you say s, you tongue touches a bit behind your teeth. Now I find out that when a Japanese person says an s, they touch their tongue to their bottom front teeth instead of the top. So for the last few days, I've been periodically trying to say say an s like the Japanese. It's helping me sound like a real idiot.

Handsome Man

 

This is an ad campaign for "Otokomae Smart Suit." Otokomae means "handsome man," so it makes perfect sense that two women wearing prostitute suits are photoed.

Sound Bar

Yeah, I opened up this new sound bar called Under Ground. It's like a play on words. Like, one, it's on the third floor, and two...., wait..., I don't know any of the meanings of under ground.

Start Christmas

The Christmas decorations have been up at all the stores for about a week now. Shops often take down the Halloween stuff to put the Christmas stuff up the next day. That means I'm enjoying all the x-mas tunes wherever I go while losers in other countries are still stuck listening to "normal" music. Luckily, "Last Christmas" by Wham! is considered a traditional holiday song here. On a completely unrelated note, I'm still puzzled by the high suicide rate in Japan.

Fish Dog

In Japan, everything that comes in a hot dog bun is a something-dog. Here we have the ham and egg dog, the fish dog, and the ebi dog (shrimp dog).

Fugu

This is place where you can eat fugu, that poisonous fish that can kill you if you eat the wrong part. I've heard that the liver is both the most delicious and most poisonous part of the fish. I'm not sure how that works. I guess its kind of like how the most delicious thing to point a gun at is the inside of your mouth. Anyway, I ate fugu once. At least I think so. I was drunk at a restaurant and some Japanese dude made me eat some fish that he said was fugu. I suppose it's possible that he was just messy with me. It tasted kind of like fish.

Slit Hot Roll

Apparently the fine folks at StyleOne didn't realize that putting wieners in buns is already hilarious enough.

Japanese Gum Review #3: Boss Special Coffee Gum

I guess Boss is celebrating its 20th Anniversary. By the way, did you know that Tommy Lee Jones often appears in their commercials? He plays an alien who saw a movie and took the form of Tommy Lee Jones. He attempts to understand humanity... and he drinks Boss.

I think the special taste advertised here might translate better as "taste" or "unappealing flavor." Again, there was a slight mint flavor.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 2  The coffee flavor by Fit's was much better.
Girlbot: 1  She spit it out.
Overall: 1.5

Amazing Magician

You can tell the crowd was super into this guy. During the tricks, which were the type of tricks you would expect from your friend in junior high, he kept looking at the crowd like, "Can you believe this is happening?!" After two tricks with little or no reaction, he went back to the box and showed the crowd cards telling them to applaud and say, "Oooooohh!" The best magicians always come prepared.

Japanese Food Review #27: KFC Salty Ginger Chicken Chips

Here's kind of a fun fact for you: Colonel Sanders died less than 10 months before I was born. Because of this, it has been widely speculated that I am the reincarnation of the Colonel.

And on with the food review. KFC in Japan is promoting their new flavor salty ginger. There's a coupon on the back of this bag. All you have to do is carry a greasy part of a chip bag around to save 60 yen on a piece of chicken that will assist you in moving one step forward towards your future death. These chips did have a bit of a ginger flavor, but the good folks at Calbee seem to have mistaken chicken flavor with burnt garbage flavor. It wasn't that bad, but you should still steer clear of the Colonel's latest recipe.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3
Girlbot: 4
Overall: 3.5
I think we can all agree that the Colonel is spinning in his grave.

Vending Machine Store

I went into a store that only had toy vending machines. It was a really oddly shaped store. You can probably on see a fifth of it in the picture. In the back corner I found this:

It's a girls underpants machine. The cartoon girl is saying, "Please buy...my panties..." At the bottom it says it's new underwear and costs 300 yen. I guess you would buy this if you were too embarrassed to buy women's underwear from a department store. It also says you have to be 18 to buy it. I'm not really sure why, plus this store has zero employees, so I'm guessing a ton of 15-year-old boys shop here. Notice it's sold out. At least they weren't used. Still pretty weird.

Museums

I might be going out on a bit of limb here, but this is probably one of the best tobacco and salt museums in all of East Asia.

Thank you to Natonymous for supplying the photo.

Kool Age (Squared) Style

Hey ladies! If you're willing to pay an unreasonable amount of money, these young gentlemen will talk to you and do their best to pretend they are not disgusted by your presence. It's every girl's paradise.

Hello Kitty Bag Day!

If I can just paraphrase for Kitty-chan here: Suck it, the North Pole!

Magome Juku

Back when people had to travel from Edo (Tokyo) to Kyoto by foot or horse, there were five routes. The most popular route, Tokaido, ran along the sea. Another, Nakasendo, ran inland. The name means inner-mountain road. There were 69 rest areas (I know, hilarious). I went to two of them this weekend. Now they're crazy tourist spots. Magome Juku was stop #43 and the first stop in Gifu. Here's some pics:

There were a couple of cool watermills. It said they produced electricity... just like in the 1600s, I guess.

There were a ton of people walking their dogs there. I guess it's common knowledge that dogs love crowed stone paths.

 A watermill and the post office for your viewing pleasure.

A senbei shop.

Kind of an interesting cultural note: They put carp in the fire cistern so that if ever put out a fire, they know there's fish crap all over the saved structure.

A tour guide getting her stretch on.

Airing out the futons.

A vending machine with beer, coffee, etc.

Gaybot Fashion Update

I know a lot of you look at me as a sort of god of fashion. "If it's pressed against against Gaybot's skin, it's gotta be in," is becoming a phrase I hear all too often. Well, guess what? I just got me a brand new wardrobe. Check it out:

Ram Sugar

This place is a rip off. Tasted almost nothing like sweetened ram meat.

Cat Cafe

 

There are a bunch of these places in Japan, but this cat cafe is in Sakae. You pay 700 yen for a drink and then can touch cats for half an hour. It's a great deal. Get this, the next 30 minutes are only 500 yen!!! Also, the location is super convenient. There are a large number of brothels in Sakae, so you can visit a woman of the night at 3pm and then head to a cat cafe to contemplate suicide over a latte. The cats will convince you to wait until Christmas, because they are the only ones who truly understand you.

Milkfed. and X-girl

I love Milkfed. I'm of course talking about the Milkfed. at Heaven 27.