C-SPAN

I'm sure you all know that I'm one of the biggest C-SPAN fans this side of Mt. Fuji. That's why I was so excited to see that they've come to their senses and finally opened clothing store in Japan. It was pretty radical. I will say they might want to hire some new clerks. Everyone just acted confused/scared when I started screaming, "Where are the Lindsey Graham socks?! Or which ones do you think he would like to receive for a gift?!" They eventually showed me some socks, but they wouldn't match Lindsey's eyes at all.

Gramorous Bambi

Dennis: Okay, I just don't know if "Gramorous Bambi" is the best name for the salon.
Denise: Yeah, I was thinking "Hair Make Gramorous Bambi" as a full title might pull a lot more customers in.
Janice: Ooh, I love that!
Denise: Don't you just love that?
Janice: That is just too much fun!
Dennis: Ahh, you know Bambi was a male deer, right? And this a salon for women. That's kind of confusing, isn't it?
Denise: I'm pretty sure Bambi was gay.
Janice: For sure at least bisexual.
Dennis: I don't think that's true, and I don't see how it would help anyway.
Denise: Oh! "Hair Make Gramorous Bambi Loves London!"
Dennis: What?
Janice: Oh may God! That works even if he wasn't a bisexual!

Chaos

I know I can get carried away sometimes, but I'm pretty sure CYbER dYNE is one of the finer studs and leather shops I've patronized in Eastern Asia. It's just got a certain class that a lot of its competitors seem to lack.

For Your JUST

I can only assume that "JUST" is some sort of code for "private parts" in Japan.

Elderly Simulation

This mannequin was in the window of a store that specializes in selling items for the elderly. I guess younger people don't understand how rough grandma's got it. How would you like it if you had to strip down and wear weighted elbow pads and wrist guards, and then everyone shot bottle rockets at you? (I'm not sure if that last one is part of the simulation). Sure, it'd be a ton of fun for awhile, but just knowing the wrist guards stay on until death must creep you out.

Vagy Hair Design

To all the guys out there thinking about stopping by vagy (pronounced vah-jee) forget about it. They pretty much freaked out when I dropped my pants. (I guess they only do women's hair.)

Pure Nail & Ondine

 Let's be honest fellas, a lot of us would be way more into scuba diving if we weren't always so worried about what others were saying about our nails. This store almost makes too much sense. The ondine is just an added bonus.

Lcohol

I've found that the Japanese love a good play on words that makes no sense almost as much as they love store names that are impossible to pronounce. They also get a kick out of practical jokes. They know that you can't "Enjoy even without a alcohol." That's why one of the specials at this restaurant is the 2 hour all you can drink alcohol course (I recommend the straight whiskey and yelling at the other customers).

Bruce-Pee

A: So what are you thinking of naming your new clothing store?
B: I've thinking a lot about that. You know how I love Bruce Lee, right?
A: How could I forget.
B: So I want to work that in, but, also, I've been going through this phase recently where I think urine is just hilarious.
A: Welcome to your 40s bro.
B: I think the rest writes itself.
A: ...Wait...Oh my God, that's brilliant!

caRess

Guys, be honest. This happens to you all the time, right? After a long day of work you think, "Man, I could really go for a snack. And you know what? I worked my tail off today. I've definitely earned the luxury of consuming a scrumptious snack." Next thing you know you're enjoying your snack when it hits you, "Huh, wouldn't you know it but I think I could go for being caressed by a sex slave...Also, men's Onepiece?" Anyway, this place is perfect for us guys.

Baby Face Planet's

What don't you get about my new business idea, Dad? It's a restaurant which is in the possession of a planet named for the baby face which it resembles. It's not rocket science. Also, black, green, orange, red..., giant birds..., vegetation..., umm, food. I mean, come on!

Nudy Boy

A: So what do you want to name the store?
B: I was thinking "Nudy Boy."
A: Oh wow, that's the perfect name for a clothing store.
B: Wait, I though we were opening up an underage male strip-club.
A: Oh yeah. It works for that too, doesn't it.

Cat Cafe

 

There are a bunch of these places in Japan, but this cat cafe is in Sakae. You pay 700 yen for a drink and then can touch cats for half an hour. It's a great deal. Get this, the next 30 minutes are only 500 yen!!! Also, the location is super convenient. There are a large number of brothels in Sakae, so you can visit a woman of the night at 3pm and then head to a cat cafe to contemplate suicide over a latte. The cats will convince you to wait until Christmas, because they are the only ones who truly understand you.

Rocket Saddles and Co.

Another solid band name stolen by the Japanese.

U*NI*PE*RO

This shop combines two of my favorite things in the world. Of course, my all time favorite thing is a dining cafe bar with dog. I also love zakka, which translates to random things or miscellaneous goods. You know, if you're looking for a pillow shaped like boobs, foreign candy, and a heart-shaped pan, you should probably check out a zakka shop. Oh, I'm also a huge fan of piles of garbage.

US. Mart

A couple things come to mind when I think of America. One is, of course, the world famous hyper convenience the citizens enjoy. The second is a 100 yen shop with a karaoke shop on the second floor.

Delicious Cigarettes

This is a cute little cigarette shop. The only problem I have with it is that the owner is clearly aiming his business at children. I mean, everyone knows how much kids idolize Charlie Chaplin. Mr. Chaplin is telling us that the cigarettes at this shop are super delicious. "What? No, the Marlboros at 7-11 taste like crap. These are the real deal."

Captain Santa

"So, what's your idea for the new store?"
"Imagine if Santa were the captain of a ship..."
"We're gonna be rich."

Murder License

I think they must have translated a license to kill to Japanese and then back to English to get this store's name. Nothing says murder like a white v-neck t-shirt, a white dress shirt, and khakis.

Special thanks to bennabonz for the photo.

Where I Buy Everything

To everybody thinking about naming their band Modern Pirates, I'm sorry, but it's already copyrighted in Japan.