Happy Roctober!!

Awhile ago, I wrote about Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's new cm Fashion Monster. It turns out that it's her new hit single as well! It is her fourth music video, and, I'm inclined to say, her worst. It's still pretty insane. It seems timed for Halloween. The Japanese start selling Halloween crap in mid-September despite the fact that they don't celebrate the holiday. And it's not unusual to see the Christmas displays the day after Halloween despite the fact that Christians basically don't exist here. I think this video would be better if Kyary did that awesome monster dance the whole time instead of not fake playing that fake guitar she's holding. This really does get me in the mood for Halloween, though. All the classic monsters are here. You've got the monster from Frankenstein, the Halloween Easter bunny, some sort of muppet guy, ....uh, the moon, everyone.

Japanese Gum Review #2: Slime

I think we're all aware that slime and lime rhyme with each other, so it was only a matter of time before a dynamic gum manufacturer combined the two. That's right, this gum combines the flavor of lime with the texture of slime. I wasn't quite sure what the texture of slime was, but it turns out to be nearly identical with that of gum. Perhaps it is slightly softer than gum. I'm not sure. The flavor brought to mind lime popsicles.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6  This is above average gum, ladies and gentlemen.
Girlbot: 8  This is her new favorite gum.
Overall: 7

On a side note, girlbot thought her name on this blog was gaygirl.

Jesus Hat

This hat is cool because it says both, "Jesus loves you!" and, "I have no idea what Christianity is," at the same time.

Lotteria Creates Cute Wordplay

Lotteria, the Korean version of McDonald's, has special deals on Tuesday and Friday. Friday is Fri-day, which doesn't have anything to do with freedom fries. It's a special meal involving a fried shrimp burger and, for variety and health reasons, fried shrimp nuggets. Fun fact, girlbot got a horrible rash the last time she ate a shrimp burger here, and she's not allergic to shrimp. Kind of adds a sense of danger to your meal! Tuesday is Cheese-day, because Tues and Cheese are basically the same sound. You can get a cheeseburger and cheese chicken nuggets. That is all.

Japanese Dogs

Dogs love wearing hats and picking up their own crap.

US. Mart

A couple things come to mind when I think of America. One is, of course, the world famous hyper convenience the citizens enjoy. The second is a 100 yen shop with a karaoke shop on the second floor.

Harumafuji Promoted to Yokozuna

Congratulations, sir. You are a true gangster.

No Jumping Off Your Skateboard

Wait, you can pick up trash here?!

Jonte' Moaning or Gaybot Jr.?

I thought it would be fun to do a little quiz. Can you tell which of these videos was made by Jonte' Moaning and which was made by my younger brother? Good luck!

La maman soleil

I'm assuming this is a mail-order bride store... or something.

Delicious Cigarettes

This is a cute little cigarette shop. The only problem I have with it is that the owner is clearly aiming his business at children. I mean, everyone knows how much kids idolize Charlie Chaplin. Mr. Chaplin is telling us that the cigarettes at this shop are super delicious. "What? No, the Marlboros at 7-11 taste like crap. These are the real deal."

Jonte' Moaning: Dance Up!

Again, this guy reminds me so much of my little brother! Looks like a great workout! This is also pretty awesome.

Political Poster

Look at this handsome devil. How could you not vote for him? What a cool pose. You can tell he must be tough. This guy is in the Democratic Party (a center-left party), but he's super conservative. He's one of those dudes who basically thinks there's no proof that Japan did anything wrong in WW2. One problem I have with American conspiracy theories is that they usually only make Americans hate each other instead of making the most populated country in the world hate us.

Japanese Food Review #22: Mystery Rola Flavor Milky

This lady is Rola. I always thought her name was Laura and it was just written Rora in Japanese, but it looks like that's how she signs her name. Anyway, I think she's 3/8 Japanese and is on TV constantly. She is either incredibly stupid, or she pretends to be incredibly stupid. She says idiotic things and then makes a cute face, like above. She does the same 2 or 3 faces over and over. She kind of reminds me of Paris Hilton in the sense that I shouldn't know who either of them are. If you want a sense of how talentless she is, check out this link of Rola poorly lip syncing call me maybe. Anyway, she has a secret flavor of Milky out right now. If you want to know what flavor it is, you have to eat them! Or I guess you could look at the top right of the bag. There's a special hint there: bananas and strawberries. What could the flavor be? To me it tasted like banana laffy taffy with a hint of some sort of berry.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4 It's not that they're bad, but original flavor is much better. Also, where are my enjoyable laffy taffy quips?
Girlbot: 6 
Overall: 5

Horse Track

Going to the horse track in Japan is kind of like petting a horse that has just come to life and struggling to get out of a picture. I think most of the patrons are former drug addict who want to feel like they're tripping again.

Haruyama

What's Haruyama you ask? It's a smile life store, you idiot. Oh, you still don't understand? Yeah, maybe that's British English or something. I think in America they call it a clothing store that specializes in business attire. We say smile life store to save time.

The Bunny and the Mouse

Looks like Japan has entered yet another song into the Worst Song in the History of Mankind Contest.

Alphabet's Alphabet

At first I was thinking that it was pretty cocky of Alphabet to get her own alphabet, but then I thought, "Hey, as long as someone is finally supplying fine balance for my closet, I don't care how they do it!"

Hanshin Tigers

Cowboy hat....check.
Pink MC Hammer pants....check.
Pink towel around neck....check.
Fanny pack.....check.
Super drunk.....check.
Yep, I'm ready to watch some baseball.

Japanese Food Review #21: Double Vinegar Chips

 This another one of those W (meaning double) flavor chips. The two types of vinegar here are balsamic and apple. I'll admit, I don't think I've ever tried apple vinegar, and I don't think I detected any apple flavor on these chips. On the other hand, anyone who knows me, the gaybot 2000, probably also knows that I love balsamic vinegar. I just won't shut up about it. You try and talk to me about politics and I'll work the conversation right back to balsamic. "Oh, Barack Obama? Have you ever noticed that the first two letters of his name are the same as the first two letters of balsamic? Kind of an interesting fact, huh?"

Ratings:

Gaybot: 7

Girlbot: 7

Overall: 7

This is the poster that's all over promoting tourism in Nagoya. There's going to be a Nagoya food festival. That explains the food, but I don't know why these samurais agreed to make fools of themselves. Also, why is Dracula (top and center) involved?

Perfume: Spending all my time

Manager: Okay ladies, the idea here is that you're spending all your time, all your time so loving you forever. Got it? Now, what are you thinking for the video?
Girl 1: I was thinking we could be depressed lesbians trapped in a kind of Eastern European, nightmare film type of world, and...,
Girl 2: Oh yeah, and we should have magic powers!
Girl 1: Ah, if you'd let me finish.
Girl 2: I'm so sorry.
Girl 1: Yeah, I was thinking we'd be able to make apples fly and break porcelain figurines with our minds.
Girls: I was honestly thinking the same thing!
Manager: You know why you're all thinking the same thing? Because it's the most unoriginal, played out crap I've ever heard.... Fine, one last time.

This is Perfume of Chocolate Disco fame. This, I think we can all agree, is their best video since Laser Beam. This is the official video so it's only one minute long. There are full versions on youtube that will probably be erased if you want to see the magic powers stuff.

For those of you who don't know, the same dude who writes Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's music writes Perfume's. He also has his own band, Capsule, which sounds like you're supposed to listen to it while  doing harder drugs.

Fashion Monster

If you're like me, you can barely sleep because of Halloween Fever. Kyary Pamyu Pamyu is adding to the excitement this year by making commercials for the cheap clothes retailer G.U. For those of you freaked out by this ad, let me assure you, Kyary is almost certainly not a vampire yet. I saw an interview where she explained that the camera was actually upside-down when they shot it and then they flipped it. At first I was like, "What the?!" Then I realized, "Oh upSIDE-down!" I hope that clears it up for you. Anyway, it's just further proof that the Japanese are light-years ahead in special effect technology (watch any Godzilla for proof). There's also this video that you don't need to watch:


A couple things here. First, the slogan for this campaign is something like, "Towards a free adult." Remember when we were kids and couldn't dress like monsters? We're finally old enough to! Second, Kyary really has been wearing vampire teeth lately. Though it's not popular, it is a legitimate fashion in Japan. There are a ton of cool fashions in this video. If you make it to about 1:10 you'll see my next haircut. It had never occurred to me to ask for a Frankenstein before.

Beverage Poetry

Sometimes you forget how truly special 70 yen instant coffee from a vending machine is. After reading this, I can't help but think, "Who cares about wars and AIDS. I've got a delightful melon soda to enjoy."

Ginza

I think it's about time that Ginza gets rid of their antiquated stair rules.

Dream Couple

No, this poster isn't trying to recruit you for the East German army. It's trying to get you to do your dry cleaning here.

Big Blue Gun Giveaway

Stuff like this makes me super homesick. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to participate in the giveaway, but I just wanted to let you all know about it. This guy is a wordsmith. I quote, "Throughout the world, guys, people would give limbs for the opportunity to be able to pull the handle and vote for their leaders." Really makes you think. So don't forget to vote and save our guns!

Toyota

Do you like women that are actually men? Yeah, you'll probably be into Toyota.

Man Vs Nature

Synchronized construction is finally taking off in Japan. Ah, hello!? Welcome to the nineties!