Butt Appears Five Years Younger!!!

Some scientists at the Wacoal corporation discovered something shocking. It turns out that if you wear some underwear that a grandma might think looks nice, your butt will look five years younger! The marketing geniuses at Wacoal decided to have the commercial begin with a women's face near a women's butt. Then someone whispers, "butt." Underwear is put on, and the women's voice keeps whispering, "Amazing." We learn that the butt, thighs, and waist all appear five years younger. And the face staring at the butt is also the head that belongs to the butt's body! It's all very artistic and European.

Yaki-imo Ice Review

And now for part two of the first annual Autumnal Ice Cream Flavor Challenge.
Japanese Food Review #90

Yaki-imo means baked sweet potato and is a popular treat in the colder seasons in Japan. Oh, and ice means ice cream. You'll often see dudes driving around in little, white farmer trucks selling them and playing a tape of a guy screaming yaki-imo. Here's an example if you care:



The outside of this treat is a type of wafer simulating the skin of the potato. It's basically a stale ice cream cone and is used with a lot of other year round ice cream treats. Then there's a little chocolate and a sweet potato flavored ice cream. The ice cream really did taste quite a bit like a real sweet potato.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6.5  First off, I'm a pretty big fan of yaki-imos, and I would prefer the real thing. Still, this was tasty and a little fun or something. I wouldn't mind having one like once a year.
Girlbot: 7  She was very impressed with how well they captured the sweet potato flavor.
Overall: 6.75

It looks like the yaki-imo has defeated the chestnut ice cream! Wow! What a year!

Häagen-Dazs Waguri Review

Well, it's fall again. That means it's time for our first annual Autumnal Ice Cream Flavor Challenge. There are two entries this year!
Japanese Food Review #89

Waguri means Japanese chestnut. I guess it's slightly different from other countries' chestnuts. I'm not really sure. I don't eat a lot of plain chestnuts, but they have many good sweets made from them around this time of year in Japan. The ice cream was white with very thin swirls of sweet chestnut flavoring. The swirls were few and far between. It was as if Häagen-Dazs did not truly believe in their own creation, so they tried to cover most of the taste with a sort of generic ice cream. But as any great dancer knows, no one wants to see a dancer shake his (or her) ass half-heartedly.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5 It was fine, but I expect more than fine from a fake European company.
Girlbot: 5  She said it was basically vanilla ice cream but worse.
Overall: 5

Check back soon for the conclusion of the first annual Autumnal Ice Cream Flavor Challenge.

Cat Killer Caught

Has Hitler the cat gained the ability to control feeble-minded humans?

Earlier this summer it became apparent that a cat serial killer was on the loose in the Ota Ward of Tokyo. Police were finding many dead cats and cat food laced with poison. It reminded me of when Johnnie Walker killed all those cats to make a flute out of their souls and almost reported the story, but I realized no one would know what I'm talking about. Also, it's not a very uplifting story and adds no value to your life.

Anyway, they caught the killer. If you want to read a real English write up, here's the Asahi Shimbun's one.

Some highlights from around the web:

*The police found the 33-year-old killer around 2:30am in a parking lot choking and slamming a cat into the ground. The police used this clue to deduce that this man might kill cats.

*The police then questioned him about the 45 dead cats they had found during the summer. He replied that he'd killed more than 45. This was the second hint that he may have been the killer.

*The police checked his bicycle basket and found 4 dead cats. It was looking more and more like the police had likely found their man. By the way, that brings the total to 50 known dead cats.

*The man said he'd mixed anti-freeze and farm chemicals with cat food. The police had their man!!!

*The man said he killed the cats to get stress out (this is a new strategy I'd never heard of), and because he was angry that his neighbors were feeding stray cats. He wanted to reduce the number of strays.

*The man claims to be a cat lover. Later the police checked his house and found his pet cat that seemed to be well cared for.

*The man is named Shinya Kuboki and is a computer programmer. So far there has been no mention of him claiming to be Johnnie Walker or the magic flute.

Other Sources:
Yomiuri Online
Nikkan-Gendai

Chubbiness

Thought I'd share this with you in case you don't already have a eating disorder.

This new pop group is called Chubbiness. I know, they're disgusting to look at, but if they're as musically talented as the Fat Boys, you just can't help but listen. Try shutting your eyes if it's too much for you. On the Chubbiness website you can check each members stats, including their height and weight (including the date it was measured). The heaviest girl weighs 63 kg (139 pounds) and stands 161 cm tall (5'3").

I'll give you a moment to go clean the vomit out of your mouth.

Kind of a fun fact, that's considered to be in the normal weight range if you look at her body mass index. God, science is so stupid.

The Halloween displays have been up at a lot of stores for about two weeks. I can't believe Halloween is less than fifty days away! Here are some paper plates that are sure to make you the coolest out of place man at a children's Halloween party!

"Now, it is Halloween today! I will carry out appearance of a pumpkin and will surprise everybody!"

Again, this quote sounds like something Jesus would say, but I could totally see Mary teaching Jesus about this. We'll never know for sure because most contemporary bibles leave out almost of the Halloween party chapters.

Christmas Everyday

I wish I could be Christmas everyday.

I'm not really sure who came up with this quote. Maybe Jesus? Anyway, these decorations are hanging up year round at Big Echo, a karaoke place.

Dome Sweet Dome

I've been getting a lot of fan mail requesting pictures of people walking on the Nagoya Dome. It's actually a little odd how many letters have been about this subject lately. I secretly suspect that most or all of the letters are written by a very drunk me. Well, enjoy guyz! There's no place like... dome??!?!!??

Pet Monkey

The pet shop in the mall by my house is selling a monkey. It's only about $4,500 if anybody wants to go in on it with. I've got a couple surefire ideas to make our money back. Obviously one involves a small cowboy costume and some rockets or something. Also, I've got this idea for a show where Hitler is reincarnated as a small boys pet monkey. I was thinking it would be a comedy, but I'd be willing to do a serious drama as well if you invest more than 50%.

Gurapote Review

Japanese Food Review #88

Gurapote is short for granola potato chip (because you can't say "gra" in Japanese). The bag says it is full of granola and is a non-fried chip high in iron and fiber. It seems pretty healthy. The top three ingredients are potato, oil, and sugar. Today we'll be examining their orange cocoa flavor.

The chips are very light and are not salty at all. They're pretty sweet. They seemed more like healthy potato cookies than a chip.The chocolate flavor was stronger than the orange. I guess I wouldn't have realized granola had anything to do with the chips if I hadn't seen the bag. I thought I wouldn't like these, but we ate the entire (quite small) bag very quickly.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6 There's a possibility I'll buy them again. I at least am interested in trying the other flavors.
Girlbot: 4 They were better than she expected, and she would eat them if offered to her, but she will never purchase a bag herself.
Overall: 5

Basically Immortal

People often ask me how I can live in a country with some many earthquakes, tsunamis, and the such. Listen dudez, I've got a disaster prevention hood. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be just fine.

CocoKawa

Reina Triendl has come out with the jam of the year. It's used in an ad for Daihatsu's Cocoa car. They've very cleverly combined "cocoa" with "kawaii" (cute) to produce the new super word "cocokawa." It's a word that has so many uses, like..., well, I can't really think of a way to use it in a sentence, but it's just so much fun! We all remember how the old Cocoas reminded us of vomit, but now you can choose the colors of the car (both inside and out) through a simulator on their website, so it's pretty cute.

In the song Triendl asks, "Where's your CocoKawa?" Then there's a bunch of gibberish before saying, "Let's find it." It kind of sums up 2014 for me.

KFC Colonel's Day

Happy birthday dead guy that's now a cartoon character!

Did you know that KFCs in Japan celebrate Colonel's Day? I guess Colonel Sanders was born on September 9th, so you can get discounted chicken and stuff this month.

Who cares? No one, but if you follow the Japanese version of KFC on Twitter and tweet about it, you'll be entered to win an amazing prize. (You should click on that link and scroll down to see what I'm talking about). They're calling it "the drool without thinking 3D chicken" campaign. You can win a keyboard that only has the K, F, and C buttons labeled. All the other ones are 3D pieces of chicken (only 1 winner), or a drumstick mouse (1 winner), or a chicken USB memory stick (1 winner), or chicken earrings (47 winners).

Don't miss out on this chance to give KFC free advertising!

Brown Rice Soup

This was on the side of a brown rice soup box. Everything else was written in Japanese, and the part above was only written in English. It's just another in a long line of products claiming to be able to improve a family's health by harnessing the theoretical energy source of migrating birds. Sounds almost too good to be true.

Cup No Sokoko

I've written about Fuchiko a couple times. Basically she's an action figure you can get in a vending machine that hangs on the edge of your glass.... or so we thought! Now she's being crushed by the glass. Actually, this toy is called Sokoko. Soko means bottom (whereas fuchi means edge), and ko is a popular ending for women's names. Sokoko can face in either direction.

 A couple of critiques:
-A more realistic Sokoko might of been fun. Maybe at least a few ribs poking through?
-Unlike the Fuchiko addition, we are unable to see her underwear (at least in this incarnation). Truth be told, this toy is barely erotic at all. What's the point of buying it?

Here's the paper showing the other versions: