Cleavage Diver Necklace

I've always been pretty in tune with how women think, and I know a lot of you can't stand all that creepy eye contact guys give you. "Are you even going to glance once at my jugs today?" is something I imagine you're always thinking. Guess what, ladies? Problem solved!


TANIMA DIVER Introduction movie from ekoD Works on Vimeo.

The fine folks at ekoD Works have made this "visual art series" called "Tanima Diver". Tanima means "valley" but can also mean "cleavage". So these little dudes look like their diving between your breasts. I know guys usually don't want to look there, but I've yet to meet a man who can keep his eyes off a toy scuba diver.

Anyway, it will look like this:

叶えられたい飛び込みたい♡ “@Lily_2801: 男の浪漫、叶えます。 http://t.co/XwOTEpCr5h #タニマダイバーフォトコン pic.twitter.com/SQLH7caa0M”

— ekoD Works/ エコードワークス (@ekoDWorks) December 3, 2014

This is explained in the video, but if you're anything like me and don't have much in the way of breasts, you can buy one of ekoD Works shirts that looks like this:

@tarenagashi0209 @myakkomyako これだとちょっと違うなｗ 妄想マッピングＴシャツ http://t.co/23iTsOcqjW pic.twitter.com/5zAfxcffF2

— じゃう''ぁ@のあヲタ (@javawock7618) December 5, 2014

And then combine the two to look like this:

妄想マッピングTシャツとを組み合わせればあら不思議！（抱き合わせ商法…） “@HxJxK_13: タニマダイバー　サラリーマン http://t.co/0bSlWjufC2 だから谷間のない人間はどうすればええんじゃって” pic.twitter.com/EFmcWzg9x9

— ekoD Works/ エコードワークス (@ekoDWorks) December 6, 2014

Check out the ekoD Works site for more diving shots and to buy your special lady, mother, or any other female you may know a very thoughtful gift.

Regional Fuchiko

I truly believe I'm over my addiction to Fuchiko toys. The ones below were given to me as a souvenir.  They were purchased on the toll road between Osaka and Nagoya, so they make the perfect gift if you forgot to buy a gift in the city you visited.

This time Fuchiko has teamed up with Hello Kitty. I guess they figure that some people like small women on their cups, and other people like Hello Kitty, so they should be able to sell twice as much or something. There are six identical positions for each toy, but the colors are different. The box on the left represents Nagoya, while the one on the right is for Osaka. For the Osaka one, her outfit looks like a Hanshin Tigers' uniform (the most popular baseball team in Osaka). The box is decorated with a famous food from Osaka (takoyaki), Osaka Castle, and Tsutenkaku Tower. The Nagoya one is yellow and orange because that's kind of the color of the golden fish on top of Nagoya Castle... and there are flowers. They couldn't think of anything for Nagoya, I guess.

Look at the ones I got!

Osaka is coming in strong with the hanging upside-down position. Let's check out Nagoya's representative.

Okay, she's just hanging there... Wait a second...

Money shot! Nagoya wins in a landslide!

Deep Fried Construction Company

When you think of kids, the first thing that pops into your head is probably "deep fried food" and "construction". So why did it take so long to combine the two? This is another one of those vending machine toys with five normal types and one special, mystery toy.

I got the backhoe, or whatever this is. I don't care that much about construction equipment because I'm not a child anymore.

And here's the paper showing all the possible toys. The secret fried construction equipment looks like a tank? So much fun!

Dog Bread

This is another vending machine toy called inu-pan, meaning dog bread. There are six types in all.

It says the intended age for this product is 15 and older. I think it's probably true that a lot of 14-year-olds just don't get dog bread, you know? And also they might choke on it or get weird ideas. I had to tell my 2-year-old, "No! Maybe I'll let you touch it in 13 years. We'll see how mature you are then. This isn't some kind of toy! This is dog bread! Adults only!"

Let's take a closer look at the six types of dog bread.

Obviously the top three are the really high quality bread dogs. The doughnut one is cool as well, but what's with two waffle dogs? They're not even in the waffles. I really think they just put in a couple crap ones so if you get one of them, you feel like you have to buy another.

And wouldn't you know it, just my luck, I got a waffle dog. I'd even say it's the worse of the two waffle dogs.

I suppose I might get another one if I find myself drunk and with extra coins at the grocery store.

Kinniku Man Toy

I used to collect muscle man toys as a kid, so I was very aroused to find this toy. I think it's really cool that there's an earphone jack for each of the toys. I love pushing my toys in and out of my phone. Also, they chose a really nice color for the plug. It isn't too distracting and fits right in.

There are five different toys showing finishing "holds" in all. Check out the lineup:

I was hoping for the top one that makes me feel like a real man, but I got the second best one.

It's called the toilet flush. This guy is a urinal and is murdering someone. It's fun! Oh, and I'm pretty sure he has a poop hat on. I'm so glad I was able to find more poop news for the blog.

Cup No Sokoko

I've written about Fuchiko a couple times. Basically she's an action figure you can get in a vending machine that hangs on the edge of your glass.... or so we thought! Now she's being crushed by the glass. Actually, this toy is called Sokoko. Soko means bottom (whereas fuchi means edge), and ko is a popular ending for women's names. Sokoko can face in either direction.

 A couple of critiques:
-A more realistic Sokoko might of been fun. Maybe at least a few ribs poking through?
-Unlike the Fuchiko addition, we are unable to see her underwear (at least in this incarnation). Truth be told, this toy is barely erotic at all. What's the point of buying it?

Here's the paper showing the other versions:

The Statue of Too Much Liberty

This is toy you can get in those "gacha gacha" capsule vending machines. It basically translates to the Statue of Too Much Liberty. It's interesting to note that the Statue of Liberty in Japanese is 自由の女神 which directly translated means "goddess of freedom." Maybe we should change the name? Anyway, Japan is making a mockery of our blessed statue! Her toes! Her naked toes! She would never show the public those! And her thick short fingers! Those are completely different from the ones most adolescents fantasize about!!!

Okay, those of you that know me personally know that I am definitely not a pro-war type of hombre. But you also know that I'm very for isolated air strikes on foreign companies. Get off the can Obama! Oh, I'm over reacting? Look at the other statues!

 There's a "shy" one, a "laying down" one, and a "making a bridge" one!

And a "sculptor" one and an "inviting" one! Again, we've all had dreams about some of these, but you can't just openly depict it!!!

Oh, they also made a weird video:

She's flirting with that camera guy. She asks him what kind of women he likes. He likes tall, free women with noses that stick out. But, alas, he's married.

Morning Musume Cup No Fuchiko

This is an ad for a vegetable drink made by Kagome. The translated name is "One day of vegetables, one drink". It's a catchy name, but maybe they could add something like "yummy yummy gooooood!" to the end of it or something. In the ad, the old man is thinking, "I'm drinking this because it's healthy...not because I want..." Then the gals from Morning Musume (another horrible girls band) say, "Good morning!" The old man thinks, "That!" We see a bunch of Cup No Fuchiko and vegetables flying around. Apparently you have the chance of winning a very special Morning Musume Cup No Fuchiko if you purchase this drink. It's good marketing because you can see the dolls' underwear. It goes along with their new campaign, I guess. The other day, one of the girls wore an "I AM A WHORE" shirt to a TV shoot.

They made a couple other creepy videos where the girls sit on a cup and ask you to drink with them every morning. Here's one.

Candy Pizza

Instant Boobs Video

I wrote about instant boobs last month. Now, at the request of no one, I've made a video chronicalling my adventures with the product. Believe it our not, the song just suddenly came to me. And unlike Paul McCartney changing the lyrics from "scrambled eggs" to "yesterday," these are the original lyrics that floated through my head. Basically, I have more talent than McCartney. And I don't mean to brag, but I still haven't been accused of stabbing a one-legged woman with a broken wine glass, so I might be a better person than him.

Instant Boobs

If you're like me, you spend most of your time at parties answering questions like, "Why are you here?" and, "Why do you hold your face like that?" With Instant Boobs, those questions will surely change to, "Can I touch your boobs?" and, "What happened to you during your childhood?"

Just follow these three simple steps:
1) Stick them on.
2) Rub them with force and watch them grow!
3) Be the life of the party!!

Candy Sushi

Here's another Popin' Cookin' fake food set. It's grape flavored sushi. Unlike the curry, the main ingredient is not potato powder but rather sugar. It actually tastes okay, and the ikura (salmon eggs) are pretty cool. The video:

Curry Set

In the candy aisle for kids, there are all these sets to make miniature versions of food. Sometimes they have a candy flavor, but this one actually tasted like curry. The main ingredient is potato powder. Here's a video:

Japanese Children to Drink Bubbles from Toilet

 I got this on sale for 100 yen. Still a waste of money. It comes in four colors and two flavors of candy (cola and cider) are included. Neither of them taste particularly like candy or anything really.

Fuchiko

I got this in a vending machine at the bowling alley.

Her name is Fuchiko. Fuchi means edge and Ko means child (it's often used at the end of women's names). You can see her underwear, so every time I have a cup of coffee, I'm incredibly aroused (nothing new there I suppose).

I can't believe I only bought one. There are six normal types, plus one secret type. I'm guessing she's in a swimsuit or something.

Looks like I have to collect them all. My life has meaning again.