Mowmow Lulu Gyaban

This band is actually cool...


This song is called Hello!! Mr. Coke-High. I assumed the song was going to be about doing coke. The video seems to be more inspired by a hallucinogen, so then I thought that maybe they had never done coke, but thought the effect was something like this. It turns out the song is about being depressed after drinking a bunch of whiskey-cokes.

They're a pretty funny band. They write songs about panty thieves and nudists. I think their biggest hit is Yuki's Genes. They don't have a guitar, which usually means a band sucks, but they distort the keyboard enough to make a full sound. Also there's a lady in the band, which is nice. And the lead singer is the drummer, and he seems to often wear bicycle shorts (and nothing else) at their concerts. Also, they're not very famous even in Japan, so there's another plus if you're a hipster.

Fun Monkey Fact

And now you know how to start a fight with a monkey.

Handsome Man Drinks on Train

Oh ladies..., I don't see a ring on that finger, yet.

Momoiro Clover Z: Intense Space Symphony 7th Movement "Infinite Love"

Some people would argue that humans are the worst thing to ever happen to planet earth. You can get pretty depressed thinking about war, slavery, carrot top, etc. But then you see something like this, something so beautiful only an animal wouldn't be brought to tears. This is the music they were talking about in Bill and Ted (the music that creates world peace). It has everything: Scenes from E.T., pirate power rangers, spaceships, angelic voices, amazing dancing, guitar humping, Christmas lights, special effects from the 70s... everything.

Japanese Food Review #13: Matcha Kit Kat

In Japan, Kit Kat makes several flavors labeled as "adult sweetness." I'm not sure why they don't simply call them erotic Kit Kats. Most flavored Kit Kats are just white chocolate mixed with flavor. That's the case here today. I didn't think these were particularly good, but the Kit Kat scientists did a good job with the flavor. That's usually the case with these different Kit Kats. They're more impressive than tasty.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4.5   I don't need to eat these again, but I'm glad I tried them before I die.
Girlbot: 1  I'm pretty sure it was just the mood she was in, but she took when bite and spit it out. She doesn't like the original Kit Kat, but apparently this was much worse.
Overall: 2.75

Kagome Theater

Kagome is doing a real service for the children of Japan here. Some of you might be skeptical and think that they're simply trying to sell juice, but I'm pretty sure they're trying to prepare kids for the terrifying acid trips they might one day have.

AKB 48 Promotes Liquid Vegetable Use

These girls are members of AKB 48, the most popular musical group in Japan right now. The girl on the bench, Atsuko Maeda, is the most popular member and is going to "graduate" from the group soon. Oh, she's on Team A of AKB. By the way, they make horrible music, or they sing horrible music that other people wrote. Anyway, Maeda is eating an unhealthy lunch, so the other members turn into "Vege-Rangers" and give her a Kagome juice box, which is supposed to have one days worth of vegetables and 30 types of vegetables in it (I'm sure it's super good for you). That is all.

Japanese Scientists Push Canned Tuna Technology to the Next Level

The scientists at the Hagoromo corporation have discovered a way to save us all roughly eight minutes a day. Let's walk through the normal human's morning: Wake up, open a can of tuna, reach in the cupboard, search and search for the canned corn, open a can of corn, mix and mix the corn and tuna.

Okay, now let us examine the world that Hagoromo has made possible: Wake up from excitement for breakfast, open ONE can!!!, enjoy life. Sounds good, doesn't it? Also, what a slogan, "Let's enjoy cooking with Seachicken and Vegetable." It kind of gets stuck in your head.

New Pachinko Machines!!!

Yes, that's right. Life is worth living again. Here's the ad I got in the mail...

Look at all the babes that love pachinko!!! I guess the big new machine is called girls spot...

I think this could be part of the perfect evening: Buy a pack of cigs, lose all my money playing girls spot, die from auto-erotic asphyxiation (AEA). When your doing well, that breast on the right will start shaking and the "girls" sign in girls spot starts kind of humping into the "spot" (so sometimes it says G-spot). Meanwhile, there are videos of girls taking baths and stuff. Literally the perfect pachinko machine.

Frozen Beer Foam

This has been out for awhile...
The really exciting news is that you can get a frozen beer foam maker for your home.

All you have to do is drink 96 cans of Kirin Ichiban by August 13th, peel the stickers off the cans, send them in, and... you'll be a real man, or chicks will love you, or something. Anyway, now when people ask me what I'm doing this summer, I don't have to say nothing.

Ice Breakers: Jonte' Moaning

If memory serves me correctly, my little brother loves this commercial. He wouldn't shut up about it, always singing this song. The guy in the video, Jonte' Moaning, is, for some reason, fairly famous in Japan. He's from Portland, Oregon. Maybe you already guessed that. He just kind of gives off that Portland vibe. Apparently he is a dancer and choreographer and has worked with Beyonce (the one and only!!!!). According to his wikipedia page (Japanese), Beyonce said that if she were a man, she'd want to be like Jonte'. So there's some more proof that Beyonce has lost touch with reality.

Japanese Food Review #12: Gourmet Salami Doritos

This is one of those gourmet Doritos covered with flavor TWO TIMES!!! I've always said, the only reason nacho cheese Doritos aren't gourmet is because there's not enough cheese flavored powder. You're supposed to drink beer with these salami Doritos. Hey, I'll second that emotion (that's kind of a witty thing I've been getting into saying). My first reaction to biting into to the triangular chip was that I didn't really like the flavor, but they really tasted like salami. I have to respect the work done by the Frito Lay scientists. Girlbot, on the other hand, said they didn't taste like salami. She believed  there was simply a black pepper taste. Though there is a black pepper flavor involved, she is dead wrong. She later admitted that there was at least a salami after taste.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5
Girlbot: 3
Overall: 4

Girlbot's Grandpa

I was told this picture was probably from the 1950s and one of those dudes is girlbot's grandfather. This is in Miyajima (that blurry thing is a deer).

I didn't have the same angle at all, but here's a picture of modern day Miyajima. It's a pretty hopping tourist spot.

Waikiki

Um, yes, ah..., finest time please.

Stride Stripe Gum

This ad is a year old, but I think it's already considered a classic. The idea here is that the flavor lasts a very long time, like since we were monkeys. Even now, when we've evolved to be 17 year-old models, the flavor is still going strong. At the end she thinks, "Huh, how long have I been chewing this gum?" It's hard to say if this gum is also a time machine that simultaneously  causes one to evolve, or if she is some god that can evolve on her own during millions of years. Either way, this gum is magic.

The Future of Buildings

I think this architect forgot what humans use windows for.

Queen's Salon

The Queen will be spinning in her grave when she sees this.

The Future is Now

This video is from Asahi Shimbun. Anyway, it's looking more and more like we should have listened to Sarah Conner. First this soulless robot will have us weeping at the beauty of the Micky Mouse song being played on the trumpet, and then boom, lasers out of the eyes and he launches all the nukes in the world...

Also, why is Toyota making trumpet playing robots?

Ultrabook

You can tell that these people are trying to sell a computer, right?


Check out the original cm if you missed it.

Japanese Food Review 11: Nara Treats

I've got two reviews today...

The first on is "Sento-kun Cookies." Sento-kun is the mascot of Nara. I guess since Nara has deer, they chose a half deer, half Buddhist boy as their mascot. I read that his special skill is, "taking 12 trademark poses."

I'm a sucker for great slogans, and I couldn't think of a single reason why I shouldn't try these once. Later I found one: These cookies are horrible.

While I do appreciate the cookie apparently depicting "birth defect Sento-kun," the taste was anything but exciting. Well, I guess it also wasn't spicy. It tasted like a boring Christmas cookie. They also cost three times as much as normal cookies.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 2
Girlbot: 3
Overall: 2.5 

Next up, deer poop candy...

These are essentially peanut M&M's made to look like deer poop. The candy shell is perhaps twice as thick as an M&M's, though.  It's a great idea. I can't believe this hasn't caught on in America. It would probably be a huge hit during deer hunting season.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6
Girlbot: 8   Though she only ate one.
Overall: 7

In conclusion, when in Nara, skip the cookies and go for the deer poop.

Crazy Guy Kills People

Sorry, this video is in Japanese...


This unemployed guy stabbed a random person on the sidewalk, walked 40 meters away and stabbed a woman in her 60s to death. Then he went back to the first guy to finish him off. Know why he did it? He was hoping to get the death penalty. Apparently it was easier for this guy to kill innocent strangers than commit suicide.

Murder License

I think they must have translated a license to kill to Japanese and then back to English to get this store's name. Nothing says murder like a white v-neck t-shirt, a white dress shirt, and khakis.

Special thanks to bennabonz for the photo.

Human-God Takeru Kobayashi Drinks Milk

Glamour Shot Bar

People always talk about Kyoto's temples and shrines. Personally, I prefer the shot bars, just hanging out with the locals and experiencing the real  Kyoto.

Also, this picture was taken by Dandy Chesterton. Thank you so much, Dandy.

Club Laid

Looking for a relaxing evening in Kyoto? Check out club laid. I'm pretty sure this is a hostess club and you won't be able to get laid, but you will be able to spend a large amount of money to talk to a woman who pretends to enjoy your company. If you have some extra time, check out their cast.

Vegetable Rhythm

This is called ベジタリズム (begitarizumu). Supposedly it's supposed to make kids want to eat vegetables. I didn't realize this, but apparently eating vegetables is cool, or at least those 4 kids forced to dress like idiots by a corporation think so. It also sounds like an Okinawan song. I'm all for more Okinawan music.

Flyed Rice

Yeah, nice grammar guys. I think you meant flew rice.

Japanese Food Review 10: Bibimbap Chips

The Japanese folks at Frito Lay have come out with a new line of chips called This Part is Delicious with a hand pointing to slightly burnt food. This is the 石焼ビビンバ　(bibimbap cooked in a stone bowl) edition. You dudes know that bibimbap is a Korean dish where rice is mixed with a bunch other Korean food, right? It's normally just mixed in a normal bowl, but it can be served in a hot stone bowl. I believe this style is much more popular in Japan that Korea. I can't stress this enough, these chips ARE NOT NORMAL BIBIMBAP FLAVOR!!! They are HOT STONE BOWL BIBIMBAP FLAVOR!!! Please don't confuse the two.

These are corn chips. The texture is thicker than Doritos. A pretty high quality chip, I must say. It also did taste quite a bit like bibimbap. They were tasty.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6
Girlbot: 2   She liked them, but they were worse than she was expecting, so the two is some sort of punishment.
Overall: 4

Scenic Kyoto

I saw this bum like an hour later, still with his pants down, rummaging through a trash can. He was checking every box of cigarettes and throwing them as far as he could when they were empty. Then he went up to a guy who was smoking and got a cigarette off of him. So if you're out of smokes, just pull your pants down and go crazy. Finally, the cops came again and walked him away (again, it didn't appear that they were arresting him or trying to get him to pull his pants up. It was all hanging out in front, by the way).

Resetch

This is a lovely ad you can see on the train now. It advertises itself as constipation medicine that you don't have to drink, as if that's a selling point. It says it takes 3-10 minutes to work. That model's name is Nanao, and apparently it took 7 minutes to work for her. That's the ad campaign. I guess you can take the challenge to see if you can crap faster than Nanao. If any of you were hoping to marry Nanao, keep in mind that there's at least a 50% chance that your children will suffer from chronic constipation. Other than that, I hear she's quite the catch.

Oh, and mega THANK YOU to share-dawg for the pic.

Ear Beauty Salon

This is a place where you can have a girl clean your ears with a wooden stick (something every man dreams of). I guess the big sell is that you get to rest your head in their lap. They also give you a foot and body massage. 30 minutes costs 2500 yen (if you're rich you can pay 3000 yen for an hour). Oh, and ladies, they're now hiring. They're looking for Korean women 22 or younger. I assume that about half my readership fits that description, so give that number a call. I have no idea why they'd be looking for Korean women. Maybe they can pay them less.

The Gallagher of Japan???