Probably One of the Most Original Stores Ever

Wait, are you guys also feeling a burning sensation when you urinate?

Japanese Food Review 9: Takoyaki Rings

Let me explain what these are in case you don't know. They're just like takoyaki umaibos, but they're cut up in ring form. I think we're all on the same page here now. Oh, and takoyaki is a bready ball with octopus in the middle with sauce and fish flakes on top. Umaibo is a snack that means delicious stick. You can buy all sort of flavors for just 10 yen a stick at most convenience stores. This snack doesn't really taste much like takoyaki. The texture  would best be described as funyun-esque. Before you try these, I think its a good idea to prepare your mouth for the explosion of deliciousness which is about to take place.

Ratings:

Gaybot: 8

Girlbot: 2  She prefers real takoyaki and doesn't really enjoy umaibo.

Overall: 5

Butt

Does this butt have a cool mustache or is it like a smiling cat face or something? I do agree that to beautiful women, though.

Sexually Suggestive Mural

Skate Comp

Skate comps in Japan have everything: Seven-year-olds, cheerleaders, mentally unstable spectators..., everything.

Cream Soda

Don't mess with that dude. I hear he drinks a ton of cream soda.

Aqua Spaceship

I was super confused about how to act at the aqua spaceship. To be honest, I didn't even know I was in an aqua spaceship. Luckily, the rules were translated and I could enjoy myself without any worries.

Where I Buy Everything

To everybody thinking about naming their band Modern Pirates, I'm sorry, but it's already copyrighted in Japan.

Dogs and Cowboys

I was trying to get a shot of this dog riding on its master. Kind of failed, but I got two really nice shots of men in cowboy hats.

Japanese Food Review 8:Rich Butter and Soy Sauce Doritos

I think the idea here is that since the chips are made of corn, they should make a corn on the cob flavor (Japanese style). I couldn't taste the soy sauce flavor. This may have been because the butter flavor was so overpowering. It was a bit of a sweet butter. And the texture you ask? I would say it was very similar to the texture of all other Doritos.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7    It should be noted that I was tired and hungry when I ate these. I very well would have enjoyed eating butter alone.
Girlbot: 4   Again, she bit into one and exclaimed, "It's good!" and then promptly labeled them a four.
Overall: 5.5

Becoming an Adult?

The other night I was strolling around town by myself, just thinking about setting a temple on fire or something, but then I saw this sign and thought, "I wonder if I could set a cat on fire?" Then I realized that the cat symbolized a vigilant citizen that might inform the authorities if it saw a white guy setting stuff on fire. I ran home as fast as I could without, and here's the key..., without setting anything on fire. So, basically the sign worked. Maybe America should think about putting up some cartoon signs featuring pyromaniacs.

Stay Alive

 

This is a great message for the people of Japan. I thought, "Don't Die," was a little catchier, but whatever.

Unattended Bags

This sign teaches you three basic rules in the event you find an unattended bag in the subway.

Rule 1 is don't touch it. Rule 3 is don't move it, which seems pretty difficult to do without touching it, but, I don't don't know, maybe you walk around with a high-powered fan. Rule 2 is don't smell it. I thought this was funny that they had to tell people not to smell bags. In the future, if I ever saw a bag, I was going to make a point to really get down and smell it in front of everyone. I was telling girlbot it was a funny rule, and she said a lot of Japanese, especially older people like her grandma, will instantly smell things if they don't know what they are. The end.

Dragon Beard

You don't have a single pair of dragon beard shoes? God you're a loser.

Japanese Hoarders

I've been spending most of my free time working on a proposal for this new TV show. Seriously guys, DON'T STEAL MY AWESOME IDEA!!!

I'd also like to thank the owners of this house for investing in a transparent roof so they could share their disease with us.

Planting Rice

This is another thing I did recently.

Here's a truck full of baby rice. I think it's grown in a greenhouse, but I might have just made that up in my brain.

Then you pull out a chunk and stick it in some muck. I guess that's pretty much it. I mean, clearly, you also get to wear awesome clothes.

What would you call it? A ninja-quaker with rubber boots and gloves. I could easily see this being how everyone dresses in a post-apocalyptic world.

All these pictures were taken in Iinan, Mie.

Boobies

"Dude, about our new tattoo studio,"
"Yeah, bro?"
"I was thinking we should name it after something that we both really like. I don't know, like carrots or something."
"Actually, I don't really like carrots all that much."
"Really? That's kind of an interesting fact. I'll have to remember that."
"Yeah, it's not that I hate them or anything, it's just they've never been my fave."
"Hey..., I don't know, maybe this sounds crazy..., but I've always had a thing for boobies."
"Bro! You like boobies, too!"
"That's it!"
Simultaneously: "BOOBIES TATTOO STUDIO!!!"

"Dude, I've been thinking. Why don't we write 'Black Rebel' on some of our signs."
"You know, I've had a similar idea, but lately I've been all about 'Tribal Area'."
"Seriously, I don't want to fight. Let's just agree to disagree."
Simultaneously: "And write them both randomly on some of our signs!!!"

Meat Flavored Chip Week: 4

Wow, this has been such a great week. I haven't checked the nutritional facts, but I'm pretty sure all this protein is doing me a world of good. And the final installment....

Japanese Food Review 7: Wasabi and Beef Chips

 This bag has it all. There's the great slogan, "We always produce WASABEEF for all customer's smiles." It teaches me a new term "wasabeef" which is going to save me a ton of time. I used to waste my time saying "wasabi and beef" several times a day. Also, the three stars. I like this, very realistic. Had there been four stars, I might have been skeptical, but it seems like they're honestly judging themselves, and three star chips are still worth checking out.

They tasted more like wasabi than beef, but the beef flavor was definitely there. I like wasabi, so...

Ratings:
Gaybot: 6.5
Girlbot: 5   She doesn't like wasabi, and they were better than she was expecting.
Overall: 5.75

Meat Flavored Chip Week Final Standings
 1) Hot Meat: 7.5
 2) Wasabi and Beef: 5.75
 3) Don Tacos Hot Meat Sauce: 4.75
 4) Beef and Bacon: 1.75

I want to apologize to everyone. I know they're are loads of other meat flavored chips I didn't get to.

Clam Digging (潮干狩り)

I was asked to go clam digging the other day. I thought there might be a few other people on the beach. Turns out the Japanese are crazy for the clams.

Anyway, it cost 500 yen and I got a big bag of little clams. This is in Matsusaka, Mie at Gonushi beach. I guess people drive from pretty far away to come here.

Remote Control Car Race Track

This is down in Matsusaka, Mie. It doesn't seem like many babes are racing, but imagine later at the bar when you meet a new girl. "Yeah, I won like 12 races out of 50 today... It's really cool, like, I've invested so much time and money in my remote control car. I named her Tammy... How old am I? 35, why do you ask?"

Actually, this looks like a lot of fun.

Meat Flavored Chip Week: Part 3

Meat flavored chip week rages on...

Japanese Food Review 6: Don Tacos Hot Meat Sauce Chips

 In Japan, Mr. Doritos has a major competitor in the fake tortilla chips that might be made of cardboard market, and he goes by the name of Don Tacos. Don Tacos is a yellow sphere with a sombrero and strange mustache. The standard flavor of Don Tacos is taco flavor. Do you get it? Today's flavor is hot meat sauce. I love this, because now I can finally say, "I filled my lover's mouth with hot meat sauce chips last night. It was the greatest moment of my life," and not have it be dirty. Maybe it's still a little strange, but anyway. Meat sauce is spaghetti sauce with meat as you can see in the picture.

They tasted pretty good. We went through the bag fairly quickly. In no way would I say it tasted like spaghetti sauce, and, though it's been awhile since I've had taco flavored Don Tacos chips, I didn't notice a difference in flavor at all. I guess tacos and spaghetti do taste pretty similar to each other when you get right down to it.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5.5
Girlbot: 4     Though she likes the taste, she is punishing them for promising a flavor and not delivering.
Overall: 4.75
Hot meat chips are still dominating. Stay tuned for the final installment of meat flavored chip week. God, this has been such a great week.

Crazy Bag Day!!

A couple pretty cool bags you can pick up in Japan.

I think it's traditional in Japan for a group friends to get together and buy a doughnuts together. That's how they stay so thin. I'm not sure about that. I might be reading too much into this bag.

Sometimes a bag can say more perfect what you want to say than you can say. Like, I'm not so good at poetry and junk, but I think this is what I was trying to say.

I know the syllable count is way off, but doesn't this seem like a haiku. By the way, I got this bag for only 100 yen.

No Gun!

I found this store that apparently specializes in selling garbage. I was getting really excited to go in when I saw this sign.

Obviously I was unable to enter. Guns are illegal throughout the country, but it never hurts to let criminals know that packing heat is especially frowned upon in a store they would never consider visiting. Or could it be that this garbage store is a front for something else?

Meat Flavored Chip Week: Part 2

If you missed part 1, trust me, you're going to be completely lost here. Do yourself a favor and scroll down a bit.

Japanese Food Review 5: Beef and Bacon Chips

 

Here's another entry from the Calbee corporation. These are called "double rich grill" because of the two meat flavors. I like how there's a picture of bacon being grilled. If you're thinking that these are surefire great tasting chips, then you're an idiot. They're awful. I couldn't even really distinguish a beef or bacon flavor. I guess if you mixed beef and bacon in a blender it might not taste so good. I don't know, let me know if you've ever tried that.

Ratings

gaybot: 2

girlbot: 1.5

overall: 1.75

Hot meat flavored chips are dominating meat flavored chip week thus far.

Garbage

Everyday my trash can helps me get super depressed before I go to work.

Meat Flavored Chip Week: Part 1

I've been coming up with so many great ideas lately. It kind of makes me think that God is speaking directly through me. Anyway, this week there will be more than one Japanese Food Review. So...

Japanese Food Review 4: Hot Meat Chips

  7-11 and Monster Hunter have teamed up with Calbee to produce hot meat flavored potato chips. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, what a dream team." I have to agree with you, though I don't really know what Monster Hunter is. Apparently it's some game (video game?) and hot meat appears in it. I'm not sure if hot meat is a character or just some food in the game. Either way, it sounds delicious. It also sounds like a nickname veteran prisoners give to the newbies.

Upon biting into my first hot meat flavored potato chip, I realized that hot meant spicy and wasn't referring to a temperature. I guess I thought it was going to taste like cooked meat (by the way Calbee, when are you going to come out with raw meat flavor?). Anyway, there was an explosion of spicy meat and potatoes in my mouth. It was wonderful.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7
Girlbot: 8
Overall: 7.5
  These are going to be pretty tough to beat in meat flavored chip week.

Space Shower TV

This is a music channel in Japan. I think it's like what MTV used to be like, but I'm not rich and don't have cable, so I'm not sure about that. Their station identification commercials are pretty awesome.




 Doesn't that seem like a Tim and Eric video? There are actually five of these ads, so check out some more awkward junior high dancers. I wonder if the director even knows that he's cutting them off in the middle of their sentences. There's also a Kyary Pamyu Pamyu one. I'm sorry about this.

Maid Cafe in Osu

Mai Leaf (pronounced May Leaf) is a maid cafe in Osu, Nagoya. Basically, the food there is a little expensive, but the waitresses are dressed up like maids and say, "Welcome home husband," when you enter. I really like the idea of all my friends marrying the same girl together, so this is a huge plus for me. Also, if you're a lady, I think they say, "Welcome home princess." I used to think I would never visit a maid cafe, and I still haven't, but recently I've been thinking, "What kind of idiot visits America and doesn't patron a Hooters," you know? It's not actually that expensive. You can for sure get a meal for under 1000 yen. It costs 500 yen to get a polaroid taken of you and the maids (I'm not sure if you can just use your own camera).

This maid cafe has a blog which, surprisingly, just seems to be an ad for the place. You can see all the maids here. They seem to be competing in a "who can position their hands in the most awkward position for a photo contest". Their heights, signs, and blood types are listed, so you can figure out which one you want to marry. Oh, and some of the maids really are participating in the "Coca Cola Happy Smile Contest 2012" and you can vote for them here. That's Asu-san. She either doesn't know what "smile" means, or she's some sort of rebel maid.

Harb Garden

Harb garden! Are you kidding me! What is this? A garden full of a large confederation of Sunni clans in the Arabian peninsula? Seriously!

It's kind of funny that all the little signs around spelled herb correctly. Also, this is in Taki, Mie.

A Cat I Know

This is a local cat I've nicknamed Hitler. The name doesn't seem to be catching on with anyone else.

The Ugliest Vending Machine in the World?

I couldn't tell if this was supposed to look like stone or plywood.

Sonicare Airfloss

Have you ever worried about not looking like a huge idiot while you were flossing? Has it occurred to you that you're not using nearly as much energy as you could during the flossing process. Do you hate using that disgusting thread. The scientists in Japan have answered your prayers once again.

Sunny Side Up Egg Pizza

The Japanese choose to put a lot of strange things on pizzas, and though I wouldn't say this tastes particularly awful, it does ruin the pizza.

Japanese Food Review 3: Luxurious Vanilla Potato Chips

The top of the package reads, "Potato Chips Zeitaku Vanilla," and zeitaku means luxury or extravagance. The company Calbee makes, in my humble opinion, the best potato chips in Japan. Again, they experiment with new flavors all of the time. These chips are designed for the summer. Calbee suggests that you cool them in the refrigerator before eating (which I did). This flavor combination seemed like a horrible idea to me. Pouring vanilla ice cream over potato chips doesn't sound all that extravagant. It's more the type of thing I would expect a child with a learning disability to do, but I trust the fine workers at the Calbee plant.

My first thought upon biting into a chip was that they are surprisingly edible. They did a fairly good job matching the sweet and salty flavors. I think I was expecting more vanilla. Cooling the chips actually seemed to help. Girlbot only got through half a chip. The ratings...

gaybot-4
girlbot-0
overall-2

I would say that if you like sweet and salty treats, you should try these out. Otherwise you can skip this one.