Christ Matsuri

This might come as a shock to a lot of you, but it turns out the Mormons got it wrong! The truth is that Jesus didn't die in Judea. His kid brother Isukiri took his place when they tried to crucify him. Then Jesus fled to Japan, specifically to Aomori-ken. He lived to be 106. In 1935, his tomb was discovered. 29 years later the first Christ Matsuri (matsuri=festival) was held. You can see the cool dance they do at it above. It just screams Jesus, doesn't it? The other cross is there for Isukiri, but he's not actually buried there (unlike Jesus who is for sure buried there).

Lotteria's Ramen Burger

Japanese Food Review #52

 I wrote about another ramen burger where the bun was replaced by noodles. Well, Lotteria took that interesting idea and changed it into a horrible one: "What if the patty is made of noodles!" Yes, this is bread with noodles, sauce, and a piece of pork in the middle. You also get a bowl of soup and can buy a kaedama (extra thing of noodles) for 100 yen. The burger is not only offered for a limited amount of time, but each store sells a limited amount each day. For example, only the first 150 lucky folks can get one at the Lotteria I visited. The soup was probably the worst ramen broth I've ever had. The burger was okay when I got enough pork in my mouth, but it shouldn't exist.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3 It's kind of fun to eat something that you know you will never eat again.
Girlbot: 2  She would rather have ramen.
Overall: 2.5

Momoiro Clover Z's Ice Cream Commercial

The gals from Momoiro Clover Z are back at it again promoting an ice cream called Soh (basically meaning refreshing). Two of them say they want to enjoy vanilla. The others of course retort that they want ice. Then a giant human (biblical symbolism much?) says they can have both. Soh is ice cream that has little bits of ice in it to make it kind of crunchy! And I'm assuming it also makes it cheaper to make!

Only One Man Born in the 1800s Alive

Jiroemon Kimura of Kyoto Prefecture is the oldest person in the world at the age of 116. In fact, he's the oldest man in the history of men. Luckily for him, a James Sisnett died making Mr. Kimura the only male born in the 19th century who refuses to die. He is said to eat three small meals a day consisting of red bean cakes and rice and spends most of this day in bed. So the key to living a long life seems to be making this world a living hell. Here's a video of him a month ago on his birthday. He received a message from the prime minister. Look at the wisdom in those eyes!

For Your JUST

I can only assume that "JUST" is some sort of code for "private parts" in Japan.

NEW SMART MIST CM FINALLY HERE!!!

Remember the first Smart Mist commercial? I pointed out that having two orange pandas and a girl witch promote your car cleaning product seemed a little nonsensical. Well I feel like an idiot. It turns out that when you spray Smart Mist, it's basically like unleashing an army of tiny orange pandas that mop your car. So that's why those pandas have those spray bottles on their heads when they dance.

Hot Air Balloons and Fat

Chicks dig a bit of fat. Also hot air balloons, cursive handwriting, and a checkerboard in the corner of things.

Public Service Announcement

This little dude is saying, "Don't become like me." At first this gave me pause. I am an overweight, alcoholic smoker, and my skin is shockingly pink. Then I realized that I have some hair and usually wear pants, so I'm probably still cool.

MOS Vegetable Burger

Japanese Food Review #51

MOS Burger is a fast food chain that competes with McDonald's. The food is of a higher quality than McDonald's, but the price is quite a bit higher. MOS Burger's menu always has some strange items. There are different rice burgers to choose from (sticky rice instead of bread), for example. The vegetable burger isn't always on the menu, but it's around every once and awhile (the McRib of Japan?). It's not a veggie burger. The patty is still beef (it's hard to see in the picture), and there's extra lettuce instead of buns. You use the paper wrapper it comes in to hold it. I guess it's good if you're worried about carbs.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5 It's a fine burger, but it's still fast food and I couldn't help but think that it would have been a little better if there had been some bread involved.
Girlbot: 8 MOS Burger is her favorite fast food restaurant in Japan. She noted that she would also give the standard MOS Burger (with bread) an 8. As a reference point, she would give a Whopper a 7 and an In-N-Out Burger a 9.
Overall: 6.5

76-Year-Old Stalker

Visual approximation of stalker.

Yomiuri Shimbun reported that a 76-year-old stalker was arrested on  May 21st. I'm sure his grandchildren are totally "jazzed" that gramps is still "hip" and continues to "try to have sex with 37-year-old waitresses." It seems the old man in Hyogo Prefecture had become friendly with an employee at a restaurant. He asked her out and was surprisingly turned down. Then during the two days of the 15th and 16th, he called her phone 62 times. He later said that he was in no way threatening her. He was simply calling because she wasn't answering. One would tend to believe this sweet old soul with a broken heart, but according to the other employees of the restaurant, he showed up and said, "I'll never forgive her," and, "If she shows her face, I'm gonna stab her." Anyway, file this one under, "Boyz will be boyz!"