Babe Alert

Something tells me there's a super cool dude who just loves being alive underneath this costume.

Monkey Business

I've always said I love monkey business...LITERALLY!! This is a bit old, but there's a restaurant in Japan with monkey waiters. You might think I'm going "bananas," but I think enslaving monkeys is "chimply marvelous." You might say that slave labor is the monKEY to a successful business! If you're wife doesn't want to join you at this fine establishment, you can tell her that's fine. You'll just "spank the monkey" or "have sex with a Brazilian prostitute." One problem with the monkey waiter system: the waiter might "throw their own feces in your food." (I love puns.)

Kirin Aki Aji

The major breweries in Japan produce several seasonal beers, and I think my favorite is Aki Aji or Autumn Flavor. Maybe it's just because it has a little more alcohol in it so I don't have to mix it with as much whiskey to "feel right." Anyway, I noticed that stores are already carrying it. Summer is officially over. You can no longer tell women that horrible rash you have is caused by "summer sweats." Think of a new excuse, fellas, and enjoy the taste of autumn.

Toyota Porte

In America I when I see a car commercial I'm usually left wondering why I would want to buy the featured car, but in Japan they do a really good job of letting you know what the car is designed for. Like if you're some sort of bird man who's somehow impregnated a woman, you should probably convince her to drive you around in a Toyota Porte, or something.

Gourmet Doritos: Smoke Bacon

Japanese Food Review #64

The chefs at the Doritos compound have created smoke bacon flavor chips. It should be stressed that these are not smoked bacon Doritos, but are rather the flavor that one could feel in their mind if they literally smoked several pounds of bacon. I'm assuming that smoking bacon has become a popular fad among the youths of Japan much as smoking banana peels or crack cocaine have been in the past. Surprisingly, the concept of inhaling bacon in your lungs tastes very much like bacon indeed, at least according to these particular Doritos chefs.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5.5 These chips were only average, but were fun to try once.
Girlbot: 4 She says they tasted very much like bacon, but she didn't like the flavor.
Overall: 4.75

The Return of Hitler Jr.

Hitler Jr. was back and better than ever. By that I mean that he still walks like a T-rex. I guess he's from some anime called Eagle Talon wherein he attempts and fails to take over the world in each episode. He's not actually called Hitler Jr., but what else could he be? Maybe a nephew or grandchild.

Mug Head

Human A: You can go as anything you want. Just go nuts.
Human B: Umm... I guess I've sort of been into drinking coffee lately.
Human A: Okay, okay. That's something.
Human B: Oh! And I've got a box that fits over my head!
Human A: I'm pretty sure we know who the life of the party is gonna be! Dude, you are the best! I love you!

American Noodle: Burger Style

Japanese Food Review #63

 There was such a massive response to the hot dog ramen post that I just had to do a hamburger one as well. Again, the actual flavor of this isn't burger, it's pepper meat. I think we're all overly familiar with the pepper meat flavor, so there's no need to explain anything in this post. I will say, there is actually dehydrated cheese in this cup. That's kind of cool and mostly disgusting.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4  It's not horrible, and it tastes more like a cheeseburger than the hot dog one tasted like a hot dog, but, to me, that's actually a bad thing.
Girlbot: 5  She preferred this one, but doesn't think it's great.
Overall: 4.5

Hot dog eeks out a narrow victory.

Young Dragons

I've never claimed that I'm fluent, but I'm pretty sure "young dragons" is Japanese for "flaming homosexuals." I propose that everyone start using the term in their everyday conversations. For example: "Maybe Putin hates young dragons so much because he's afraid to admit there's a little young dragon in himself," or, "I wonder if Jesus really hated young dragons. What do you think Grandma?"

Biker Maid

Someone was finally able to pull off a sexy maid costume.