You see signs explaining how to wash your hands all over Japan. Especially during flu season, you almost can't avoid them (and the signs will also tell you to gargle). I don't know, I thought explaining how to wash your hands was not really a thing that had to be done. I used to be in charge of making sure some kindergarteners washed their hands before lunch. My instructions were as follows:
1. Wash your hands.
That was usually enough, but for some kids I might have to add:
2. (Dude,) all over.
I think I've got all the steps down, right? WRONG!!! It's a six step process, you idiots! Granted, six steps is probably too many to remember, but what if, instead of steps, you remember some weird poses related to a turtle and a wolf? That can't be too hard.
1. Pray pose. Okay, this has nothing to do with a turtle or a wolf, so it's likely the one you'll forget the most.
2. Turtle pose. You know how turtles are known for riding on top of each other and how that's not impossible? Do that, but with your hands!
3. Mountain pose. Again, no animals, but just remember how you or someone you know likes mountains.
4. Wolf pose. Stupid wolves, always dancing like Frankenstein and scratching their paws. Be like them.
5. Bike pose. What?!! A turtle on a bike?! This I will not soon forget!
6. Caught pose. Remember the old saying, "Turtle catches wolf. Don't even think about touching my wife. I'm a real mother-f@*king turtle, mother-f@*ker!"
There you have it! Your hands will always remain clean if you can somehow remember steps 1 and 3. Probably won't happen. Oh well, just be like a large majority of men in Japan and simply don't wash your hands.
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