Taro Aso Suggests Learning from Nazis

Photo by Valeriy Yevseyev via Wikimedia Commons

Taro Aso, a former Prime Minister, had some interesting ideas about changing the constitution. Here's a quote from Nikkan Sports: "ドイツのワイマール憲法はいつの間にか変わっていた。誰も気がつかない間に変わった。あの手口を学んだらどうか" Here's a crappy English translation: "No one was aware when the Weimar Constitution was implemented. No one noticed the change. How about we learn from that trick?" Aso was referring to the changes Hitler made to the German Constitution. The LDP wants to make several constitutional changes, many of which don't have popular support. Aso isn't just some old crazy guy. Currently he is the Deputy Prime Minister of Japan (kind of like the Vice President, but he doesn't automatically become the Prime Minister if Abe dies). I will say that the other quotes were ambiguous. Perhaps he was trying to say we shouldn't do what the Nazis did, but he did a really bad job of explaining that. Also, why would you ever bring up that your own party is acting like Nazis? For the record, I don't actually think they're being Nazis.

Just a couple fun facts on Aso:
* He's Catholic, which is very uncommon in Japan. Just more bragging rights for Catholics.
* He's a huge idiot. He has been ridiculed for not being able to read basic kanji (that most children could read).
* His family's coal mine used POW labor during WWII.

There's a bunch of other stuff about this guy that's crazy. Look it up if you care.

Candy Pizza

Awesome Tag

There's a couple of ways you could read this, but I'm pretty sure "fart anarchy" is taking over the town.

Cello Madness

"Yeah, cellos are back, and this time they're totally radical. No, this ain't your grandma's cello! They're pretty much as cool as zebra-patterned chairs. Oh, also since we told you about how cool cellos are now, could you buy one of our phones for some reason?"-Docomo

How to Make Cute

First, if you can find some old timey French underwear, wear that with nothing over it. Then point your butt towards me. That's super cute, but remember, guys are disgusted by seeing two legs, so do whatever it takes to hide one. Next, put on a ton of makeup, close your eyes halfway like you're dead drunk, and make a big O with your mouth. Also, guyz dig cats with super long pig tails. Try to make your arms turn into one.

Dandy

Japanese Food Review #61

 Every time I eat one of these (once), I find myself pondering what Dandy Chesterton would think of this ice cream snack. If you don't already, you should check out his review. It's full of helpful information like how many people find his sight by searching for help with their incurable herpes infection and stuff. Anyway, a Dandy has three levels of chocolate. In the center we have bitter chocolate ice cream packed full of air. On the outside we have the chocolate crust (it's very mushy and didn't have much flavor). Between those two ingredients we find a crispy black cookie. Dandy has recently introduce 20% more black cookie into the mix. I would say even a 4.5% increase would have warranted police tape, but this is just seriously insane.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4.5  I feel like I might be harsher on ice creams. This is pretty good, but there are so many other cold treats I would choose before this. It's only 88 yen. A pretty good deal.
Girlbot: 7 She says it was good.
Overall: 5.75

Acid Yogurt

Many aspects are reminiscent of a simpler time in America. Like remember the screams of delight you could hear as the milk man thumped his fist upon a door? And remember the way your heart would skip when you saw that guy who smelled of paint and unwashed undergarments and sold acid out of his van (both the hallucinogen and the kind that could burn through a home's locked door knob)? Well those memories of the past live on in Japan.

Actually, this windowless van is selling a drinkable yogurt. You know, acid milk.

Political Posters

There was an election on Sunday (LDP won. Read a real newspaper is you actually care). That means all the cars driving around screaming support for someone or other will go away. Now there will only be cars screaming about how they are collecting trash, or that they have mochi for sale, or that Japan should move politically to the right, or that Jesus is the only true god, etc. All the beautiful political posters will come down as well. That's not true. They'll still hang on businesses and private homes, but Japan has all these specially designated areas for posters where you can see everyone running in a particular place. Those will come down.

It will be hard to say goodbye to so many handsome faces.

Love Attack Mate Beach

Apparently Girlbot's parents had their honeymoon here. It's in Okinawa, and I'm guessing it has a different name now. I couldn't find anything about a mate beach. That's the shortened name. This picture is bad, but...

See? It's actually called Love Attack Mate Beach. The name refers to the fact that a lot of young people go there, so your chances of meeting a mate greatly increases at this beach. It's important to note, and I can't stress this enough, that the title likely has nothing to do with your chances of being sexually assaulted upon this lovely sandy shore.

Turn

This is the cover of a photo album.

I'm pretty sure his progressive purpose is being a horrible alcoholic.

Of course no story is complete without a great epirogue.

Again, I'm pretty sure this is a metaphor for being super good at drinking or something.

Kyary and AU 2

This is clearly an ad about changing cell phone companies, right? Actually, this ad makes more sense than the last Kyary AU ad. To recap, "norikaeru" means change, but "nori" alone means ride, and "kaeru" can mean frog, so frogs riding around in a rocket ship and a giant robotic frog is the perfect way to let the public know that you have a wonderful cell phone company. The three women say, "What a big change." "There's a change-discount campaign. That's why they're changing." "It's easy to understand. There are no strings attached." It's great that Japanese commercials can so accurately capture natural (and interesting) conversations.

Ichiro's Dirty Secret

I used to think Ichiro was really cool because he's good at hitting balls and has a style only Ahmadinejad can compete with, but it turns out the dude's been powered by YUNKER all along.

Tissue Paper

Many bathrooms, especially in train stations, don't have toilet paper for free. Instead, you need to buy a small packet for 100 yen. And as an added bonus, there's no soap, so you get to feel extra cool about touching all the bars and such on the train. I guess a lot of foreigners might not understand what this tissue paper is, so some friendly station master let us know that, "SAUCE."

Kiiiiiii

This is Kiiiiiii's cover of The Wiggles song 4 Little Joeys. Actually, The Wiggles counted five joeys, but whatever. It came out in 2006 as part of their debut DVD Gold and Silver. The following year they made their only CD Al & Bum. They sing all their songs in English, but their English is very poor. The concept for the band is perhaps the greatest ever. They asked the question: What if DJ and Kimmy from "Full House" made a pretend band and jammed in DJ's bedroom? What would that band be like? I'm not kidding. They call themselves UT and Lakin' and have been friends since they were 12. Anyway, UT got pregnant and the band pretty much ended, though they have done some shows and made a few songs.

Gay Shampoo

If I'm meeting a ton of hot dudez, I know my medicated dandruff shampoo is working. It's totally smoothing me.

Karujaga

Japanese Food Review #60

Karu means light and jaga is short for jagaimo, which means potato. These are hallow, crispy potato sticks. They're not fried. The Yoda box is cheese flavor, and the Darth Vader box is delicious salt. Who will win in this epic battle?

The back of the box is really cute and fun because it looks like Star Wars writing.　The first line tells us that the secret of the deliciousness is in the hole. This is the first time that I realized that I love stuff with holes. I guess that's where the saying, "A hole's a hole," comes from. The rest of the writing just tells you how they make it and that they're delicious, etc. Anyway, they were good.

Cheese Ratings:
Gaybot: 5
Girlbot: 4.5
Overall: 4.75

Delicious Salt Ratings:
Gaybot: 7  My only real complaint is that they're were not enough in the box.
Girlbot: 7  They were about as good as she was expecting.
Overall: 7

It's The Empire Strikes Back all over again.

Savvy Politics

While American politicians seem to be concerned with playing ads on television, their Japanese counterparts no how to get out their message with a lot less money. For example, the side of a porta potty seems to be a wonderful place to tell the world about your political views. Here we see a DPJ poster, but somehow they're still behind in the polls.

Hair Saron

These idiots spelled Hair Baron with an S.

R2-D2 Cecil Milk Chocolate

I know R2-D2 doesn't technically eat human food, but I've always thought that if he finally got his wish of becoming a real boy, he'd just absolutely adore milk chocolate. Apparently great minds think alike, because the marketing scientists at Glico have adorned the new Cecil Milk Chocolate packages with R2. There are four different R2 packages to choose from (gotta catch 'em all). And there's more! Look at what the chocolates are wrapped in.

You can't really tell, but those are special droid wrappers. Even C-3P0 makes an appearance. I'm ashamed to admit that this is the first time C-3P0 has been mentioned on a blog that claims to cover gaybot news. Mr. 3P0 is, of course, widely celebrated in the gay community. Many give him credit for making Americans realize that a homosexual can just be "one of the guyz," and that they can speak many languages fluently. George Lucas attempted to appease his Christian audience by pointing out that C-3P0 didn't have any genitals, but many scholars have pointed out that though Jake in The Sun Also Rises did not have working genitals, he was still very much a sexual being. This is just one of many plot points George Lucas seems to have stolen from Hemingway.

Pepsi Cheetos

Japanese Food Review #59

 I think we all remember when Frito Lay and Pepsi (the same corporation) finally teamed up to make Hamburger Cheetos. Will their newest venture be as successful? These aren't actually called Pepsi Cheetos. The official name is Shuwa Shuwa Cola Corn Snack. The corn snack is clearly a Cheeto, the cola is Pepsi, and shuwa shuwa means "fizzy" or something. Sounds like a perfect combination. I've always said Cheetos could be at least 20% fizzier, and these Cheetos did in fact taste fizzy..., or something like it. I haven't tried most poisons, but I'm guessing some produce the same tingling sensation as these. Also, they weren't at all salty, and they weren't really sweet either. They were kind of sour and did taste a little like Pepsi (perhaps like poisoned Pepsi). All of this and you could still taste the base corn Cheeto. It was horrible.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 0  I originally thought this was a 1 to 10 scale, but this snack has redefined my snack world.  
Girlbot: -5  Again, I'll allow this rating. She said that even when a snack is horrible, she can usually eat a few more, but with these, she could tell after the first bite that she never wanted to eat them again.
Overall: -2.5

Star Wars Rubber Strap and Glico Heart Caramels

Star Wars Glico week roars on. Today we look at Glico's caramels. The box is normally red, but now the famous Glico man is running through space. As always, we are informed that one piece of caramel gives us enough energy to run 300 meters and that we can become strong in a delicious way. This time, they've included a special rubber strap!!

 There are 10 rubber straps in all, and I got the Luke Skywalker one. Rubber straps are used to make your phone look super cool. This one sticks into the earphone jack (because what else would you use it for).

Learn English with Herbal Essences

Herbal Essences has created a series of helpful English lessons. It's aimed at "women" (i.e. the gayest men in the world) and helps people on their travels. Three handsome men teach us what to say at the airport, at a restaurant, when looking for a museum, etc. They mainly focus on what you should do if you see a super hot guy in those situations. As Americans, we know that the answer is to immediately make it clear that you want to sleep with them, but the Japanese need to learn this through youtube. The final helpful phrase always has something to do with Herbal Essences. In this episode, the final phrase is, "Don't you want to smell my hair all night long?" You might find this hard to believe, but many Japanese seem somewhat surprised when I tell them this is one of the most common phrases in English.

Darth Vader Pocky

Glico has teamed up with Lucasfilm to create several Star Wars products. We'll be taking an in-depth look at them this week. First up is this Darth Vader Pocky. It's just strawberry Pocky with a picture of Darth Vader on the cover. I'd always thought that Darth Vader's lightsaber was pink because girls like pink and are evil, but it turns out that Darth Vader was nuts about strawberries, I guess. It reads, "Deliciousness is power!" The box is nice and reminds you that Star Wars was pretty "radical." Then you flip it over to realize it is promoting the prequels.

 Where's Jar Jar! Clearly the art designers at Glico are idiots, right? But the plastic bag inside is kind of cool.

Lightsabers, Pocky, and strawberries floating through space. I'm sure Mr. George Lucas sometimes gets fed up with the world he has created, but every once in awhile a great product like this is created. He must be thinking, "It's all worth it," and, "I am a modern day Jesus," right about now.

Tips for the Frugal Traveler #3

We all know that urinating while watching strangers walk down the street (or just giving said strangers the chance to observe you relieving yourself) is one of the great pleasures in life. Unfortunately, this gift of nature is the same reason there's a warrant for my arrest in New York. But in Japan many open air urinals exist! You can watch squirrels or ask passersby the time as you go to the bathroom! And here's a great tip: drink way more water than your body requires or simply fake urinate several times a day. You can spend a good portion of your travels enjoying this free activity.

Dancing McCrew

I bet a lot of you think McDonald's isn't one of the coolest corporations around any longer. Turns out you were dead wrong. They're every bit as "in" as MC Hammer and whatever else is considered "boss to the bone" these days.

Summer Boat Race

Summer is officially upon us. Japan is just like the rest of the world. Summer means fireworks, summer dresses, floating pylons opening up to reveal miniature cat women playing taiko drums (the drums will vary from culture to culture), and, of course, BOAT RACES!!!

Momo Clover Z Pop'n Bubble Gum

Japanese Gum Review #9

Momo Clover Z and Lotte have teamed up to make two flavors of gum. They chose what most would consider the best flavors: "red" and "white." I was confused by this while I was waiting in the checkout line. I decided to get the red because I hate white people, but it turns out I should have bought both.

 You're supposed to mix a piece of red and white to create a peach flavor. I guess it's a good way to make idiots buy two packs of gum. The red alone was an indistinguishable flavor. Perhaps it was wild not very good berry. Girlbot thought it was a fake cherry.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4
Girlbot: 6
Overall: 5