Mi

This is a preview of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's new song Mi. The lyrics are just "Pami" and "Mi." It seems like they're doing some sort of marketing experiment. Like, if we release the worst music in the world, but Kyary sings it, can we still sell it? The OK Soda of Japan?

Orion's Cocoa Cigarettes

Japanese Food Review #54

 I loved smoking candy cigarettes as a kid. I liked how they tasted, but I liked the idea of tricking adults into believing a 7-year-old was openly smoking even more. I remember being very disappointed when they stopped coloring the tips of the cigarettes red. When they disappeared from most stores, I was a little sad, but I'd already moved on to rolling fake joints and walking around town. Most grocery stores still carry candy cigarettes in Japan. They're called Cocoa Cigarettes, but they don't taste like chocolate at all (Girlbot says she can taste a hint of it). They remind me of the stick in Fun Dip perhaps crossed with Necco Wafers. I think I might know too much about old candy.

Gaybot: 7 This is a little high, but I still like fake smoking.
Girlbot: 5 She says the flavor is very good, but they're too hard.
Overall: 6

BABYMETAL

My little brother told me that this is the coolest thing going on in Japan right now. The kid just knows so much about world culture. This song is called Ijime (bullying) Dame (don't) Zettai (definitely). The English title is No More Bullying. Obviously, the best way to express this sentiment is through speed metal, but I applaud the director for having the vision to put guitar playing skeletons and some homeless guy from a fantasy novel in the video. Really brings the message home.

Officially, there are only three members in BABYMETAL. You would assume that a 3-piece metal band would have a drummer, a bass player, and a guitar player. BABYMETAL went another route. They consist of Yu-Metal (vocal/dance), Yuimetal (scream/dance), and Maometal (scream/dance). Honestly, I'd never even considered putting two scream/dance artists in my Japanese teenage girl metal band. I feel like a huge idiot.

Dream Jumbo

This is what a lottery ticket looks like in Japan. Actually, this is just what the Dream Jumbo ticket looks like. There are seasonal "Jumbos" which are drawings where the jackpot is at least 100,000,000 yen or more. This time 7 different tickets will payout 100,000,000 yen. I think this ticket shows an interesting look into the Japanese psyche. Apparently most people dream about robots with top hats, giraffes walking on two legs, penguins with cowboy hats and so on. This explains why many people say that their weekend plans are to sleep. If I could meet those cheerful monkeys, I'd be sleeping too right now.

Chicken Soup Curls

Japanese Food Review #53

Curls have the texture of those puffy cheese curls in America. I already explained this and more in my review of Okonomoyaki Curls. This time Meiji is bringing back a retro flavor all the way from 1968! I wonder why "chicken soup" hasn't remained a popular flavor? At first I had no idea what to do with these (should I pour them in my pants and try speaking to them through the language of dance?), but luckily there's a helpful message at the bottom. "Oooohh! Serve for snack." The flavor was pretty light. I may have guessed that it was basic salt flavor if I hadn't seen the package.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4  If I'm having Curls, which I don't do often, I'm sticking with curry.
Girlbot: 7 She dislikes Curls, but tasted these and straightaway said, "They're good!" and gave them a 7. Then I offered her a second one and she retched. I think that makes sense somehow.
Overall: 5.5

Healty Life

Words with 2 H's are for fat people?

Kyary and KFC to Induce Vomiting

I have to hand it to Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. She really has the pop vomiting market cornered. First she had this GU commercial, and now she stars on a page that is designed to makes you sick to your stomach. Remember the KFC Krushers commercial? The slogan was kura kura which means dizzy. This is a strange slogan for a non-alcoholic beverage, but stranger yet is the new web page KFC made. It features an optical allusion that causes dizziness. After a few seconds a warning comes up telling you that you shouldn't look at the page for too long. What a brilliant idea for an ad campaign! If you still want to look, and you're a chicken if you don't (buck, buck, buuuuck), check out Kyary's Krusher page here. If any of you are trying to find a new way to expand your child's mind (what with the man saying you can't lace kids "apple juice" with hallucinogens), try forcing them to look at this for ten minutes.

Fit's Link No Limit Mint

Japanese Gum Review #8

 Lotte has created a new flavor of Fit's. The flavor is said to last 50 minutes, so pretty much it's "no limit." This dude roboty thing has something to do with Gundam, but I'll let you look that up yourself. Lotte says the base flavor is menthol and there's a skin of citrus flavor. I couldn't taste anything with a "citrus taste," but I do think I detected a hint of "gross chemical."

Ratings:
Gaybot: 1.5  I'm pretty sure this isn't the worst gum I've ever had.
Girlbot: 1  I think she chewed it for roughly 20 seconds, nowhere near the limit.
Overall: 1.25

Parking Lot Skyscraper

This would be the perfect thing for Godzilla to hit with his tail.

Dog Bartender

The company Nisshinbo has been running a series of commercials starring dogs. In this one, the bartender says, "People are sensitive to bad news, but I think there must be some good news out there." Then a sign comes up that says, "Making a clean energy company a reality," and a guy says, "A company we need now, Nisshinbo." This ad actually makes more sense than the others.

In this one, the song's lyrics are, "Nisshinbo does various things, but... Nisshinbo, I can't explain what a single one is." Then the ending is the same. Most of the ads are like this, telling us we need the company but not really explaining anything they're doing. Anyway, I like dogs playing ping pong, so I'll try to buy whatever it is they're selling.