Korean Zombies

This is T-ara, a Korean group, and they're mildly popular in Japan. This song, Lovey Dovey, is about 9 months old, but... Halloween. I consider it the Korean Thriller. I'm not sure what they're saying, but it seems to me lovey dovey and zombies often go together.

Weight Loss

 

Finally, a before and after picture you can trust.

Spooky Gum Dance

I don't know if this actually had anything to do with Halloween. It's a 2-year-old ad for long lasting mint gum.

Halloween Roast Beef Giveaway

Asahi gets Halloween, okay? That's why they're offering this amazing deal. All you have to do is buy a six pack of beer, fill out the post card on the inside of the box, attach a 50 yen stamp and then sit back and wait to find out if you're one of 200 lucky people nationwide to win 500 grams of roast beef. Pretty sweet deal. By the way, girlbot actually sent the postcard in.

Oriental Curry

I know a lot of you are thinking this is a super racist depiction of an African chef, but this is oriental curry. I guess this is what Japanese people think they look like. They also make roux to make curry at home. It has a small picture of this guys head and a 1950s era white kid enjoying curry.

Nuclear Energy Protests

This is a picture of a protest in Sakae the other day. I'm glad that guy on the left decided to dress up like a giraffe. It just kind of sends the message, "This protest is for real! You can't just laugh it off! We have super well thought out ideas and... nice ties you fascists!"

The Electrician

Every time my electrician pulls up in his van, I can't help thinking, "Man, this dude's really got his shit together."

Get the Ladies on the Halloween Dance Floor

Every year Loft, a department store in Japan, makes an unbelievably good Halloween song, but they really only play it in the store. Pump these links at your Halloween bash. This year's song, Go! Halloween Hero is pretty rad. (Click on "special movie") I think my favorite line is, "Let's go laughing, crazy, crazy laughing." This is followed closely by, "Let's go eating, crazy, crazy eating." Last year's song is still the best ever.

Japanese Food Review #26: Cheese and Pepper Corn Snack

These are actually called "Delicious Combo". At first I thought they were generic Cheetos, but they're made by Frito Lay, so for some reason they decided to go in another direction. I guess they thought Chester Cheetah could use a rest and replaced him with this cute flavor scientist. A little background here. In Japan, there are 5 flavors. The first four are the same as in the west: sweet, sour, bitter, salty. But they also have umami, which is sometimes translated as savory and other times translated as good taste. For example, soy sauce is sometimes described as umami, so umami means salty? On the other hand, I've heard a tomato described as umami. I don't see how the tastes of soy sauce and tomatoes are similar, so it seems like a made up flavor. Anyway, this scientist figured out how to make this snack as salty and umami-y as possible. This scientist is clearly an idiot. He has black pepper marked as a 5 out of 5 on the salty ranking. Then, pepper is ranked as a 1 in umami while cheese receives a 4. When you combine the two it becomes a 5. What the hell? You're fired scientist. Bring back Chester!

Ratings:
Gaybot: 7  The scientist's rankings are all wrong, but he has successfully made a delicious combination.
Girlbot: 8  These are better than normal Cheetos, she says.
Overall: 7.5

Why Am I Alive?

Seriously, if it weren't for Halloween, I don't know if I could keep going. Um, this is probably the conclusion of Kyary's Fashion Monster commercials:

Dog Poop

Just another example of a dog crapping out chocolate ice cream. Looks like this dog also crapped all over its rear right leg.

Forest Fires

Clearly the monkey winking at us started the fire. What is the bear carrying? Is he crying because he hasn't finished looting the forest? Also, why is the squirrel-fox child wearing a bow tie? All in all, it does make me want to pour water on a fire.

Japanese Culture Update

The other day I was waiting for the bus home on a fairly busy street. It was already dark and there were no other pedestrians for awhile. Then I saw a blind man with his lady companion. The man was probably around 50 and the woman perhaps five or ten years younger. They crossed the road towards me then stopped and argued in hushed tones for a full minute. When they continued on, the man walked a half step ahead, his walking stick in his right hand. His left arm was stretched in front of the woman. When they came nearer, I noticed that is hand was, in fact, holding her breast. Ever thirty seconds or so she slapped him. He didn't react to this at all. I'm guessing she was his wife and this joke had been going on for a good twenty years. Anyway, I thought those of you interested in Japanese culture would find this fascinating. Being blind in Japan seems to be awesome. Blind with bennies, as they say.

Cute Poop

Poop in Japan looks like soft serve ice cream. It's also something you might want to hang from your cell phone. This is a claw machine where you can win some cute feces.

Pachinko and Slot Advertisement

Human 1: I think we gotta get this guy back in here. I don't think people are going to be able to tell that he's excited.

Human 2: Why don't you try writing "EXCITE!" next to his face.

Human 1: Okay..., I guess that helps a little...

Human 2: Oh, dude, you forgot to put a boxing glove behind him.

Human 1: What the hell is wrong with me! Okay, it's totally fine now. Cancel the re-shoot.

Strange Motel Social Club

Any guesses on what this is? If you've seen Eyes Wide Shut, you probably guessed it right away. It's a small clothing store

Fuk Halten

That looks like a k to me. Judging from the Japanese below, it's an s.

Japanese Food Review #25: Gourmet Sesame and Salt Doritos

A lot of you won't shut up about wanting to know the other seasonal gourmet Doritos flavors. It uses real sesame seeds, as you can see. I'm an old-fashioned guy. I like my sesame seeds like I like small butterfly tattoos: On buns and at 3 in the morning when I'm too drunk to know what I'm doing (and also I'm probably crying). Anyway, not a huge fan of these.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 3
Girbot: 7  She likes sesame seeds.
Overall: 5

100 Yen Vending Machine

Human 1: Ok, we need to make it clear that this vending machine is a great deal, right? So I was thinking we have a  drunk squirrel or something sort of dressed up to play football.

Human 2: I'm not seeing how this is going to move drinks.

Human 1: Please don't interrupt me. It's horribly rude.

Human 2: I'm terribly sorry.

Human 1: So then there's this coffee yelling at the squirrel.

Human 2: Genius.

Human 1: ...And some alien grape drink?

Human 2: Great idea... Mr. BRAND NEW VICE-PRESIDENT!!!

100% Honey

Finally a company has the balls to admit that children make their product.

Rocket Saddles and Co.

Another solid band name stolen by the Japanese.

JJ Club Allure

"Jeez, that one woman looks exactly like my daughter, but I usually judge who a human is by the shape of their mouth, so there's no way to be sure. I think I can safely assume it's a different person. I mean, my daughter, who, on a completely unrelated note, often comes home at five in the morning looking exhausted and depressed, would never dream of working at a place like this."

Riddle Me This

Why aren't there more 80's style videos about robots having sex with models?

This is Towa Tei, by the way.

Slot Machine Advertising

I've said it a million times, but nothing makes me want to play slots more than a sexy man in a speedo with some sort of flower head.

Great Time

In the end, this gift, a coffee cake with dried fruit on top, didn't brings me a great time. It was a pleasant time at best. Also, I don't think you're supposed to brag about how long ago your company was established if that was only a year ago.

Bargain Shopping

You can get 2 liters of whiskey for under 3000 yen plus a free can of fish?! Talk about the perfect Wednesday afternoon!

Japanese Food Review #24: Gourmet Almond Cheese Doritos

The folks at Frito Lay Japan have come out with the new autumn gourmet Doritos. Maybe I'll write about the other new flavor later. That will be quite a treat for all of you. Anyway, back to today's chips. The first bite was surprisingly almondy and horrible, but I continued eating them. I didn't spend 150 yen for nothing. After three chips I had completely changed my mind. These are clearly edible. I would say they are pretty much thick Nacho Cheese Doritos with some almond flavor sprinkled on. In other words, it's the type of food you might expect to be produced by some gourmet chef in a fancy French restaurant.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 5
Girlbot: 4  She only had one and decided she will never eat another one, but somehow it got up to 4.

Note Book

I think a lot of people looking for a tool to arrange sentences overlook the fact that the notebook is able to fold up making it far superior to say cave walls.

Fashion Monster cm Part 2

I can't stress this enough. I truly wish all of you the happiest of Halloweens from the very bottom of my heart. You all remember the first G.U. Kyary ad, right? This one is way better. I like when she bites the old dude, he turns into a robot vampire.

Firefighting

Japanese firefighters hate stars. Also they're giants and can breathe in space.

Wrestling

I feel like this has been said so many times that I should even bother saying it again, but honestly, why haven't American wrestlers started drawing muscles on their bodies like their Japanese counterparts?

Japanese Food Review #23: Waffle Frosted Flakes

Do these exist in America? In Japan, Frosted Flakes are called Frosty, or Corn Frosty. For some reason, I try to correct children who call it Frosty. This cereal is half normal Frosted Flakes and half miniature, syrup covered waffles. They remind me a bit of French Toast Crunch. (Remember when the Cinnamon Toast Crunch chefs were feeling a bit mischievous and made a new cereal?) French Toast Crunch, however, always made me feel ill and the texture when mixed with milk was disgusting. The same can't be said about this delightful new cereal.

Ratings: 
Gaybot: 6
Girlbot: 8  She says she wants to eat them again, but they're too sugary.
Overall: 7

B-ball

If you're like me, you often find yourself tossing and turning in bed thinking, "The WNBA is a good idea in theory, but the athletes in that league are just way too good at playing basketball!" Dudes, our prayers have been answered.

A lot of people rightly complain that the WNBA team names are a bit lame. That's not the case here where you can see epic matches like:
Cougars vs V-magic (that's not sexual at all, you perverts)
Vickies vs Antelopes
Queenbees vs Sunflowers

U*NI*PE*RO

This shop combines two of my favorite things in the world. Of course, my all time favorite thing is a dining cafe bar with dog. I also love zakka, which translates to random things or miscellaneous goods. You know, if you're looking for a pillow shaped like boobs, foreign candy, and a heart-shaped pan, you should probably check out a zakka shop. Oh, I'm also a huge fan of piles of garbage.