Hair Saron

These idiots spelled Hair Baron with an S.

R2-D2 Cecil Milk Chocolate

I know R2-D2 doesn't technically eat human food, but I've always thought that if he finally got his wish of becoming a real boy, he'd just absolutely adore milk chocolate. Apparently great minds think alike, because the marketing scientists at Glico have adorned the new Cecil Milk Chocolate packages with R2. There are four different R2 packages to choose from (gotta catch 'em all). And there's more! Look at what the chocolates are wrapped in.

You can't really tell, but those are special droid wrappers. Even C-3P0 makes an appearance. I'm ashamed to admit that this is the first time C-3P0 has been mentioned on a blog that claims to cover gaybot news. Mr. 3P0 is, of course, widely celebrated in the gay community. Many give him credit for making Americans realize that a homosexual can just be "one of the guyz," and that they can speak many languages fluently. George Lucas attempted to appease his Christian audience by pointing out that C-3P0 didn't have any genitals, but many scholars have pointed out that though Jake in The Sun Also Rises did not have working genitals, he was still very much a sexual being. This is just one of many plot points George Lucas seems to have stolen from Hemingway.

Pepsi Cheetos

Japanese Food Review #59

 I think we all remember when Frito Lay and Pepsi (the same corporation) finally teamed up to make Hamburger Cheetos. Will their newest venture be as successful? These aren't actually called Pepsi Cheetos. The official name is Shuwa Shuwa Cola Corn Snack. The corn snack is clearly a Cheeto, the cola is Pepsi, and shuwa shuwa means "fizzy" or something. Sounds like a perfect combination. I've always said Cheetos could be at least 20% fizzier, and these Cheetos did in fact taste fizzy..., or something like it. I haven't tried most poisons, but I'm guessing some produce the same tingling sensation as these. Also, they weren't at all salty, and they weren't really sweet either. They were kind of sour and did taste a little like Pepsi (perhaps like poisoned Pepsi). All of this and you could still taste the base corn Cheeto. It was horrible.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 0  I originally thought this was a 1 to 10 scale, but this snack has redefined my snack world.  
Girlbot: -5  Again, I'll allow this rating. She said that even when a snack is horrible, she can usually eat a few more, but with these, she could tell after the first bite that she never wanted to eat them again.
Overall: -2.5

Star Wars Rubber Strap and Glico Heart Caramels

Star Wars Glico week roars on. Today we look at Glico's caramels. The box is normally red, but now the famous Glico man is running through space. As always, we are informed that one piece of caramel gives us enough energy to run 300 meters and that we can become strong in a delicious way. This time, they've included a special rubber strap!!

 There are 10 rubber straps in all, and I got the Luke Skywalker one. Rubber straps are used to make your phone look super cool. This one sticks into the earphone jack (because what else would you use it for).

Learn English with Herbal Essences

Herbal Essences has created a series of helpful English lessons. It's aimed at "women" (i.e. the gayest men in the world) and helps people on their travels. Three handsome men teach us what to say at the airport, at a restaurant, when looking for a museum, etc. They mainly focus on what you should do if you see a super hot guy in those situations. As Americans, we know that the answer is to immediately make it clear that you want to sleep with them, but the Japanese need to learn this through youtube. The final helpful phrase always has something to do with Herbal Essences. In this episode, the final phrase is, "Don't you want to smell my hair all night long?" You might find this hard to believe, but many Japanese seem somewhat surprised when I tell them this is one of the most common phrases in English.

Darth Vader Pocky

Glico has teamed up with Lucasfilm to create several Star Wars products. We'll be taking an in-depth look at them this week. First up is this Darth Vader Pocky. It's just strawberry Pocky with a picture of Darth Vader on the cover. I'd always thought that Darth Vader's lightsaber was pink because girls like pink and are evil, but it turns out that Darth Vader was nuts about strawberries, I guess. It reads, "Deliciousness is power!" The box is nice and reminds you that Star Wars was pretty "radical." Then you flip it over to realize it is promoting the prequels.

 Where's Jar Jar! Clearly the art designers at Glico are idiots, right? But the plastic bag inside is kind of cool.

Lightsabers, Pocky, and strawberries floating through space. I'm sure Mr. George Lucas sometimes gets fed up with the world he has created, but every once in awhile a great product like this is created. He must be thinking, "It's all worth it," and, "I am a modern day Jesus," right about now.

Tips for the Frugal Traveler #3

We all know that urinating while watching strangers walk down the street (or just giving said strangers the chance to observe you relieving yourself) is one of the great pleasures in life. Unfortunately, this gift of nature is the same reason there's a warrant for my arrest in New York. But in Japan many open air urinals exist! You can watch squirrels or ask passersby the time as you go to the bathroom! And here's a great tip: drink way more water than your body requires or simply fake urinate several times a day. You can spend a good portion of your travels enjoying this free activity.

Dancing McCrew

I bet a lot of you think McDonald's isn't one of the coolest corporations around any longer. Turns out you were dead wrong. They're every bit as "in" as MC Hammer and whatever else is considered "boss to the bone" these days.

Summer Boat Race

Summer is officially upon us. Japan is just like the rest of the world. Summer means fireworks, summer dresses, floating pylons opening up to reveal miniature cat women playing taiko drums (the drums will vary from culture to culture), and, of course, BOAT RACES!!!

Momo Clover Z Pop'n Bubble Gum

Japanese Gum Review #9

Momo Clover Z and Lotte have teamed up to make two flavors of gum. They chose what most would consider the best flavors: "red" and "white." I was confused by this while I was waiting in the checkout line. I decided to get the red because I hate white people, but it turns out I should have bought both.

 You're supposed to mix a piece of red and white to create a peach flavor. I guess it's a good way to make idiots buy two packs of gum. The red alone was an indistinguishable flavor. Perhaps it was wild not very good berry. Girlbot thought it was a fake cherry.

Ratings:
Gaybot: 4
Girlbot: 6
Overall: 5